User:Aielen/Singapore Armed Forces

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The Singapore Armed Forces
The Most Powerful Military in the World
Talkcocklogo2005
Leadership
Minister of Defence: "Uncle" Ng Eng Heng
Personnel
Active[1] personnel: 1,123
Reserve personnel: 31,200,000
Total fit for service: 8[2]
Conscript service: 24 months - (New Systems exclude Fat people, Poor people, Dumb people & 7% GST. Subject to Changes.)
Industry
Annual spending: Three Lemons (Avg)
% of GDP spent on military: 610%
Annual revenue from garage sale forum: SGD$30.7 billion
Annual revenue from e-Mart moonlighting sales: approx. SGD$71.0 billion

The Singapore Armed Forces (abbreviated: SAF) is the one of the most powerful military organizations in the world because it has never lost a single war. [3]. The SAF relies largely on conscripted SINGAPOREAN soldiers (note, the millions of Bangla workers, China dolls and 'ah gua's does not need to go NS) and comprises three branches: the Branch That Fucks Up Things On Land (Singapore Ant Forces), the Branch That Blows Shit up In The Air (Singapore Air Force), and the Branch That Blows Up Things In The Sea (Singapore Navy - Most Important because Casino is opening and very near Marina Bay and South China Sea!). The number of active personnel in the SAF is estimated at 350,000,000,000, the most important of which being over 10,000 malingering chao keng kia PES C/E/F soldiers who ensure that Generals get their coffee on time and piping hot with less sugar: Healthier Choice. It is further estimated that another 100,000 or so soldiers are actually full-time 'Winning Eleven' Professionals - with evidence of numerous competitions held within the various divisions (3rd, 6th, 9th).

edit History

The Elite Forces motto goes by ("Chou heng mei tung mu foong shuan famasa chon keng chang ka") meaning, "stay cool". Singapore's military role stems from the fact that the country has too much child pornography whos leader never knew and has never known what to do with it all. After the failure of the "Adopt a Gold Bar!" scheme in the 1960s, then-prime minister Lee Kuan Yew decided to focus his attention on creating a world-class[4] military "for the purposes of ensuring peace and sovereignty while he is sitting on the toilet reading dirty magazines[5]".

edit Organisation

edit National Servitude

In 1963, Lee Kwan Yew's trusted servants called for mandatory conscription of all Singaporean males. Initially called National Slavery, the policy was changed to Shrimp Buffet after test audiences proved unreceptive to the name. In 1990, it was renamed again as National Servitude. In the public, it was known as National Sucker, but nobody cares since it is the same meaning.

All Singaporean males, when in the prime of their life, are required to sacrifice two years of their life trapped in National Slavery Servitude (NS) or commonly known as Nothing but Shit, where they are trained to protect Singapore from the very real and credible threats of terrorists strapped to nuclear missiles, subterranean terrorist squid, mosquito terrorists, imminent invasion from Indonesia and Malaysia, and other terrifying things. Singaporean males who attempt to flee from their National Servitude are ruthlessly put out of commission, especially those with exceptional talents that could be put to good use elsewhere in the world; the rest of the world is not as important as Singapore's national security.

Nevertheless, all males after reaching the age of 18 are kidnapped in the middle of the night and brought in chains to the prison island known as Pulau Tekong. It has a zero escape rate, thanks to the thick and treacherous jungle in its interior and the waters surrounding it being filled with cybernetically-enhanced sharks (which some say are invented by Robo-Lee himself). Known as the "Happy Camp", it is a strange new world for the dazed conscript, as he is welded into the durasteel power armour that he will eat, sleep and crap in for the next two years of his life.

Singapore SM
A conscript encased in his Imperial-class Power Armour, with his bolter at the ready

Training is harsh, and many who falter are fed to the eternally-hungry sharks. Besides gruelling physical training, there is also daily worship and "neural-reprogramming" sessions where the recruits are indoctrinated to pledge their loyalty to Singapore and to the God-Emperor Robo-Lee. The will of the Emperor is absolute, and to question it is unthinkable. After basic training, they are then sent to various branches to complete their training to be a vital component in the Imperial Army. Also, recruits are known to turn into undead skeletons under moonlight, due to the island being cursed.

In the various branches, the soldiers also learn a special legendary skill which even the US Military has no knowledge of: The 7 techniques of Wayang. An example demonstrating the usage of this uber 1337 skill: when enemy terrorists arrive to infiltrate an SAF camp, they will be psychologically affected after seeing the tough-looking soldiers standing at the gate looking ready to eliminate anything on sight. After the terrorists are discouraged and have left, the soldiers who are guarding the gate would proceed on to sit on chairs, chit-chat, play games and even sleep, especially when their superiors are not around; thus saving the precious battery life of their power suits[6].

Amongst the recruits imprisoned on the cursed island of Tekong, there are the truly elite who are not able to endure the gruelling physical and mental training. These elite recruits are able to by-pass the training on Tekong and get posted out to become Clerks, Store men, Regimental Policemen (An exception for Air Force, see Regimental Policemen in Singapore) and the like. These chao keng kias military elite are the unsung heroes who continually taunt provide much encouragement and support to the other lesser soldiers who are going through tough training. The superbly efficient system the SAF has in place can only be attributed to the military elite.

edit Regulars (and other morons)

SAF4
Your glittering career in the SAF begins here.

Apart from this, the Singaporean military is also made up of "regulars", a body of masochists who actually elect to work in the army full-time. These brave men suffer years of being shouted at in the ranks until they can claw their way up the top, at which point they stand poised to start shouting at the ranks, completing the cycle of bastards with too much testosterone.

The reason why high positions are filled up by these less than smart people acting like gangsters is because they are useless and unable to secure a job outside after they ORD. They are nothing but low class gangsters without the balls to rob an old lady and would most probably starve to death if left to their own accord. And their pregnant wives would have to sell themselves and their children become delinquents and follow in their father's footsteps and become a small time gangster or beggar. Therefore, as part of the glorious Lee empire plan to eradicate poverty, these useless people are enticed by a higher than average pay and work as slaves for the rest of their lives until they are obsolete and would be sent to some camp to shout at the poor recruits and order the pes E people to get them coffee. Although many dislike the idea of National slavery, it is important so as to keep these useless people employed and from creating nuisances in our 'peaceful and orderly' society.

Also, during the process of clawing up the ranks, as they are more given to voluntarily standing in the way of any and all incoming flights of shit, regulars are given upgraded and thicker plates of armour. This armour, which is irremovable, is so thick that it can withstand even a thermonuclear attack at ground zero, or a chewing out by a senior officer. Unfortunately, the said armour also encases the cranium, and with all the weight pressing down on what is considered the most fragile organ in the body, something has to give. Which is why, once a regular has it in his mind to do something in a certain way, nothing, not God, not Kira Yagami, and most definitely not the common soldiers under him, can say or do anything to change his way of doing it, for the necessary brain cells needed to even consider a better way have long since been obliterated beyond any means of recovery. This armour is called by many as 'Terminator' armour, as it has a 'Terminal' effect and 'Terminates' all higher brain order functions.

Currently, the army is working on a way to reduce this effect, and has commissioned a high-level WITS project team consisting of my CO, his CO, and his CO's CO. No success has been reported to date. This may be because they are regulars.

Regarding the return to normal human life after the traumatic experiences and indoctrination, also known as ORD (Operational Remote-control Drones), many soldiers, after having been peeled out of their nice cozy armour that they have spent the last 2 years in, are as pale as the shelled prawns they look like. They are also as dim-witted as the crustaceans and end up having to restudy all over again. But to maintain a hold over his slaves, they are recalled every year for "upgrades" and "refresher" courses.


Unfortunately for the regulars, by the time they are released from their terms, their minds have deteriorated to the extent that they are mostly empty shells.

edit Elite Soldiers

The Elite Soldiers of the SAF are the Red Berets and SPARTANs. The Red Berets are simply a bunch of more-betterly-trained soldiers, and just happen to be a little more fit and alert. Unfortunately, as commandos, they are not permitted to wear the power armor due to the nature of their stealth missions and the "clink-clink" sounds the screws in the power armor makes. Thus, their mortality rate is normally very high, although most of them die from very strange means like drowning in a pool, sparking tons of court cases and a media blitz. In essence, the commandos look like idiots wearing red hats on their heads. Also, they tend to die a lot because they wear luminous name tags for identification, allowing enemies to blast them from afar.

o=/o;npji
01mc
Masterporno is great Chief, SPARTAN-117, otherwise known as Johnny Ultraman-117

The other type of Elite Soldiers are the SPARTANs. These are products of the SPARTAN program, which has only produced one successful candidate to date, SPARTAN-Ultraman 117. SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 wears MJOLNIR powered assault armor, a vast improvement from the standard issue power armor. Firstly, the MJOLNIR suit includes shield generators and extremely resilient armor plating, as well as a thick layer of hydrostatic gel that would allow the wearer to fall from the International Space Station above earth to ground level without sustaining any injury, along with movement-enhancing properties built into the suit. In terms of damage blocking capability, the MJOLNIR suit can stop anything short of a Death Star laser dead in its tracks. Unfortunately, many individuals were killed in the testing of the MJOLNIR armor. After it was built, the MJOLNIR armor was tested by a commando. He suffered from many broken bones afterward, due to the suit's movement enhancing properties, that ended up dislocating many of his limbs and twisting them out of proportion. After this incident, the armor was passed to SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 without any further testing. SPARTAN-117 himself is a living legend. Standing 2.13 metres tall, he is able to lift any object up to five tons, run at 105km/h, jump nearly three metres and perform other superhuman feats. Also, his reaction time is three times faster than a typical commando, about 20 milliseconds, almost instantaneous in combat situations. The effectiveness of SPARTAN-117 was tested in the Sex War with Micronesia. SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 killed the entire population of Micronesians within half an hour and caused the whole island to sink back into the sea after detonating several HAVOK nukes on the island. Incredibly, he survived and swam the whole 3000km distance back to Tokyo to celebrate his achievements. In his closing speech during the "Hot War debrief" after SPARTAN-117's legendary feat, Robo-Lee commented that "SPARTANs pwn ass. fuck ya !!". \g8

Special Units - Spec Ops

Skillfully trained all weather condition wayang warriors across all the units and services from Air, Land & Sea be it high or low ranking personnel they can also perform special operations very well. After their 2yrs of Brutal Service many of them will get the COS cert which is far more better than the Mediahcrop completion of training cert. There are no difficulties or barrier for most of them to act very well and achieve the Golden horse they did not waste their time in their 2yrs of full time Brutal service unbreakable bond.

There is one unique Secret Special Elite Unit by the name of Foxtrot Delta Sierra inside the Airforce nickname for the Unit is F__Kin D_mn Stup__ which specialize in Sand,soil and Multiple weapon Platforms and besides the Commando and guards they are the 3rd Elite Special forces in the Armed forces but hidden tactically inside the Air force their combat skills standards is equivalent to the U.S Navy Seals and British SAS.

edit SPARTAN Project

The SAF tried to develop a project that churned out seven-foot tall weightlifters-cum-Olympic sprinters-cum-sharpshooters wearing highly powered battle armor and wielding enormous gravity-distorting hammers, eliminating the need for an armored division. Unfortunately their project failed miserably due to an adverse lack of 2m-tall individuals in Singapore, and the lack of funds to produce gravity-distorting hammers. Also, their "augmentation procedures", which involved running around the track for 12 hours a day carrying a 200kg weight in one hand and a sniper rifle in the other, alternating between the hands, failed miserably as half the subjects, namely Red Beret commandos, died within half an hour. The rest either suffered from cardiac failure or dislocation of limbs, and only one fellow made it through the program successfully. In total, 34 commandos and one seven-foot tall civilian were selected for the program. During the 1st half hour of "augmentation", 17 commandos died from cardiac failure, two dislocated their arms and ten suffered a stroke. Out of the five remaining commandos, two died halfway through the 12-hour process, and the other three, as well the civilian, made it through the process. The other three commandos suffered from nervous disorders afterward. Their comments are as follows.

"Traumatizing. How do they expect anyone to ever go through such a procedure.....I have no idea how that civilian fellow finished the 12-hour course in one hour." -Fuick Segeack "(gasping for breath)I....(gasping for breath)...have...(gasping for breath)....ass-marr....(gasping for breath)....arrrgh..(collapses on floor) -Bank Wuan Go "Waahhhh... Ahhhh ohhhh gaahhhhh...owhhhh that's hot. fuck me summore !!" -Hari Panwallah

The three commandos, traumatized by the experience, pulled out of the program and swore never to do another push-up or any form of physical exercise ever again. However, the civilian stood out among the rest. He finished running 50 rounds around the track carrying the 200kg weight and the sniper rifle, alternating them between his hands every second, in about an hour. Also he did not show any signs of physical strain, as he was wearing green battle armor. His helmet also blocked his face, blocking any sign of exertion. In general, he was the only graduate from the SPARTAN Project.

edit Ranks in the SAF

edit Warrant Officers, Specialists, and Enlistees

  • REC - Really Enduring Camp in Tekong
  • PTE - Physically Trained Expert after Tekong
  • PFC - Pay For Company's event or function and get nothing back
  • LCP - Lowest Confident Personnel in camp due to inexperience, also known as "Lan Chao Bing"
  • CPL - Cannot Play Liao because you are a senior NSF, also known as "Kao Beh Lang" as they always complain a lot
  • CFC - Everyday go everywhere and not available in camp for work, when ask go where always reply "Come From Camp"
  • 3SG - This 3rd SGT always do work must do 3 times before getting it correct!
  • 2SG - This 2nd SGT always gives his section a 2nd Chance!!!
  • 1SG - This 1st SGT always fighting to be 1st in anything, good fighting spirit, so can get his next rank to relax...
  • SSG - Showing Social Grace by asking people to call you staff instead of sergeant
  • MSG - Must Say Good no matter what your commanders so that you get your 1st eppaulette on your shoulder faster. Once you attain this rank, personnels ranked CPL and below automatically become your slaves and they must address you as "Master".Likewise Known as "Sai Kang King" especially in Airbase defence units.
  • 3WO - Equal to MSG but must do all WO job and always get it wrong and end up doing it at least 3 times.
  • 2WO - 2 Ways Of work in any work he does...
  • 1WO - When trouble comes, there's always 1 Way Out!!!
  • MWO - Must Watch Out for n00bs making mistakes and make them sign extra
  • SWO - Still Waiting Orders because you are somehow still lower ranked than commissioned officers even if you have loads more experience than them

edit Officers

  • 2LT - Two Low To understand. Yet you rank above the Enciks and can tekan them--if you dare.
  • LTA - Listening To Advice because your officer-commanding told you to do so and you cannot disobey. LTA normally graudates to work in the Land Transport Authority and listen to the advices by traffic police.
  • CPT - Call Please Thanks, too busy with work, no time to reply
  • MAJ - Must Always Joke so that people in SAFTI MI will recognise your "Leadership" and send you to command
  • LTC - Later Then Confirm because you have too many meetings to attend
  • SLTC -So Later Then Confirm because you have too many meetings to attend. New rank for people to get grey hair.
  • COL - Content Over Leadership since you have already commanded so many people
  • BG - Better (be) Gone, so that someone can replace you...
  • MG - Media Glamour, especially if you are Chief of Army, pictures always taken for mass media purposes
  • LG - Life's good, nowhere higher to go, nothing to do also. (Too bad Singapore do not have a 4 star general!!) Perhaps you can into Singapore administrative services, the place where you can go into politics. LG generals also organise an annual party cum chalet at the government owned Aloha Resort where a lucky draw will be held and the winner will walk away with a 42 inch Plasma LG TV.

edit Military Experts

A new rank system that does not exist in any other country's armed forces, except in outer space. Created by some Pee Ass See Scholar.

  • ME 1 - Lowest of the MEs. Not much Mee.
  • ME 2 - Same as Staff and Master Sergeant. But less famous.
  • ME 3 - Same as 3WO, 2WO and 1WO. ME3 Enick!!!
  • ME 4 - Same as 2LT, LTA and MWO. Wah, MWO = 2LT!!
  • ME 5 - Same as MAJ and SWO. But no crab.
  • ME 6 - Equivalent to Senior Lieutenant Colonel (some say same rank as Gaddafi) of LTC. No crabs unfortunately...
  • ME 7 - Equivalent to Colonel. Unfortunately, you don't have three chilli crabs to eat.
  • ME 8 - Highest rank, equivalent to BG. Unfortunately, once you retire, no company will hire you since you don't have a star like the Bee Gees.

edit Defence policy

SAF2
Also, suicide.

The SAF's defence policy runs on a binomial system known as "Big Guys, Small Guys". A Threat Assessment Team is first activated to determine the level of danger from a potential enemy.

  1. If the enemy is many times larger than the SAF and will likely crush it like an insect, large sums of money should be thrown at the enemy until it goes away.
  2. if the enemy can be defeated swiftly and decisively by the SAF, it must be obliterated.

Option 2 was almost utilised in 2004 when Singapore's borders were breached by a pair sentient LEGO figurines that threatened to attack the country. They were given large sums of money after a four-hour closed-door negotiation that almost depleted the nation's champagne reserves.

Last but not Least Spending all the unnecessary money for useless bulky heavy Military equipment imported from western country non suitable for asian body size FOR SHOW ONLY instead of giving Shares to poor Spore Citizens. Many People including previous Conscripts were Recall back for weeks to become actors for the show natioal wide.

edit Total Defence

Some time ago, Total Defence was implemented. Now, nobody knows what it is. It may as well not even exist. In face, debates abound as to whether or not it actually does[7].

edit Military Technological Level

Thanks to the uber-l337 hAx0r power of Robo-Lee himself and his team of gretchin slaves at DSTA (Definitely Slaves Till Armageddon), the level of technology in the military is much higher than every other country in the world. While other armies are still wearing cloth uniforms, the Singapore military has advanced to the level of being able to mass-produce power armor for everyone in its armed forces (And they mean EVERYONE). Each and every trooper is also issued a rapid-fire bolter that is considered to be so powerful that the United States and the European Union are petitioning for it to be banned as an infantry weapon under the Geneva Convention.

Singapore Brawl
Singapore Brawl-class Main Battle Tank with claws extended, ready for combat...

The technological advancement has also extended to logistics and supply. Field rations consist of green packets of high-energy (but utterly tasteless) "ponteh rice" that can sustain a soldier out in the field for days without finding other forms of nutrition. Other dishes include pills which when eaten, expand to become a packet of Maggi Mee, complete with MSG and other unmentionable items. Last but not least, the field rations have the all-important Nescafé coffee powder, which is specially formulated such that one only needs to pour the powder into his mouth and then gaggle with water.

In the armor department, the Imperial Army is also miles ahead of everybody else. The pride and joy of the armoured divisions is the "Brawl"-class Main Battle Tank, which has reactive armour three times more effective than normal steel-plated armour. On the outside it looks like a copy of the American M1 Abrams tank, but however its capabilities could not be more different. Thanks to a mysterious ally of Robo-Lee, who calls himself "Megatron", it has what appears to be transformation technology incorporated into it. While most tanks are vulnerable to engagement at melee range, the Brawl solves this problem by having a pair of clawed arms which can extend out and tear through any MBT in the world with one swipe. It has been rumoured that it can be transformed into a so-called robotic 'Robo Lee' mode, but so far there has been no substantial evidence proving it.

SS vs Freedom
Destron Air Commander Starscream delivering the killing blow to General Kira Yamato the Third's Freedom Gundam

This is not to say that the Singapore Air Force have been neglected. On the contrary, it has been boosted to the point that Warlord Emperor Bush of the United States have ordered his own minions to copy Singapore's aerospace technology. The entity known as "Megatron" has ordered his second in command, known by the grand-sounding title of "Destron Air Commander Starscream" to help upgrade the F15 fighter jets to have transformation technology as well. Many of Singapore's foes have rued the day they faced off what looked like normal F15 jets, only to have them transform into robot mode and terrorise both the skies and the ground.

Turn W
Turn W Gundam

This was evident during the Pokémon Wars, which Robo-Lee initiated because his Nintendo DS crashed on him, taking his Pokémon Diamond save data with it. Furious, he launched a vicious air compaign against the Japenis Armed Forces. Hundreds of Japenis's most prized Gundams went down in a hail of null-ray cannon blasts and cluster missiles. The commander of the Japanese Gundam Force, General Light Kira Yamato The Third (grandson of the original Kira Yamato who was blasted to oblivion by Robo-Lee during WWII) was shot down after a prolonged duel with the Air Commander himself. The head of his Freedom Gundam was then brought back to Singapore as a trophy and now sits proudly in the Robo-Lee Museum. There are disturbing rumours however, that the Air Commander is planning a coup against his master, "Megatron". Robo-Lee is aware of the situation and is keeping tabs on his allies.

All these however pales in comparison to the most terrifying weapon in its arsenal, which was reverse-engineered from the 250 Japenis Gundams which Robo-Lee defeated. The project, codenamed "Turn W Gundam", is an extremely powerful mobile suit specifically designed to brutally hit their sworn enemies, the Apa Ini Kingdom of Malaysia where it hurts the most. Its most powerful weapon, the NEWater Butterfly, is designed to turn all Malaysian technology into freshly-produced NEWater. On its maiden engagement with the enemy, it flew over the Malaysian Multimedia Five-Foot Way (aka Lorong Kulit Multimedia) and dissolved the Proton factory into a lake of NEWater, drowning the 5000 monkeys working in it.

edit White Hawk Down

On 32nd June 2000, a squadron of helicopters ferrying tea for Robo-Lee was shot down over Somalia by Pirates of the Somalians (duh!?). Onboard were SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 and a platoon of red berets. Robo-Lee ignored their pleas for help and ordered the tea to be brought back at all costs as he was already suffering from tea withdrawal symptoms. Unfortunately for the beleaguered SAF forces they were surrounded by millions of Somalian pirates led by Jack Sparrow, hell bent on murder and drinking Robo-Lee's Grade A tea. The situation was made worse when Somalians in Pikachu suits showed up, threatening to blast them with lightning bolts. SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 then overloaded the engines of the helicopters and burnt and exploded half the Somalians to death(at the expense of Robo-Lee's tea supply). After that, the commandos managed to storm a tea factory, locating another shipment of tea and an army of angry Somalian tea connoisseurs. SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 then raped all the commandos afterward as he found them too flirty and sexy. He then gathered their grenade, and packed them into a tea crate, with a five-minute timer. As the Somalians gathered round to suck the tea, the "tea" exploded in their faces. As the grenades went off, the grenades the Somalians were carrying also went off, and a chain explosion ensued, resulting in nearly the whole Somalian army being killed. After this, SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 was extracted with a fresh load of tea, completing the mission(at the expense of a platoon of red beret commandos). He was then awarded the 'Suck My Robo Dick' Cross for bravery, and the uber-cum l337 hAx0r award for his professional way of doing things. Soon, killing the rest of the people in the platoon was referred to as "The Spartan Way".

edit Micronesian Campaign

On 13th December 2001, Micronesian natives accidentally shot down a Singaporean Wright Flyer aircraft with magnetic darts. Unfortunately, the Flyer was carrying Robo-Lee's special order of Pokemon Amethyst. This enraged Robo-Lee who ordered the immediate invasion and destruction of Micronesia. "Uncle" Teo Chee Hean was afraid of sending any more commandos due to their high casualty rate, and sent SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 instead, with orders to kill all Micronesians and destroy Micronesia as a whole. SPARTAN-117 landed at 0730 hours on Turtle Beach at Micronesia, as the populace were waking. As the locals came out to welcome him, he sprayed them with bolter rounds, killing a few dozen Micronesians. The rest fled in terror, and word spread of the "Demon" that was killing the people.

Chief with bomb
SPARTAN-117 prepares to blow up micronesia with the warhead.
Flamin'
The Chief narrowly escapes the warhead blast.

The Micronesians fired darts and sesame seed balls at the SPARTAN, but failed to make even a scratch on his MJOLNIR armor. They then ordered their air force to take off and bomb him with paper balls, but their Paper-class planes were shot down by SPARTAN-117 easily. He then continued his killing spree, knocking on the doors of the Micronesian huts politely, then tossing a grenade in and shutting the door before moving off. If the inhabitants were not around or refused to open the door, he simply stuffed a grenade INTO the hut's straw walls. After destroying a village this way, he reported in to command that he had killed most of the Micronesians. Unfortunately, Robo-Lee ordered him to "Leave nothing behind.".


SPARTAN-117 planted several HAVOK nukes on the island's volcano, Mount Refum, and dove into the sea just in time to escape the explosion of the nukes. The ensuing cataclysm cracked open the Earth's crust, forcing Micronesia back into the mantle of the Earth. After watching this event, Robo-Lee presumed SPARTAN-117 Killed in Action and prepared funeral proceedings. Luckily, SPARTAN-117 showed up an hour later, having swam all the way back to Singapore from Micronesia.

edit Attempted assassination of Robo-Lee

On February 30th, the birthday of Robo-Lee, a "We love the totalitarian dictator" parade was held. John Telephone Booth, a descendant of John Wilkes Booth, decided to attempt an assassination on Robo-Lee. He somehow managed to sneak a sniper rifle into a nuclear power plant that the parade was passing. As Robo-Lee addressed the cheering crowd, Booth opened fire, but hit a news helicopter that got in the way, causing it to crash. As the crowd began to panic, Booth reloaded and hit Robo-Lee, shouting "HEAD SHOT!!!!". Unfortunately, he had loaded the rifle with rock salt, and had just knocked out the dictator. Booth's location was then assaulted by a platoon of red berets, which he held off by threatening to overload the nuclear power plant and cause another Chernobyl

Chief-reactor
Shortly after deactivating the overload on the plant.

incident. After overloading the reactor anyway, he jumped out of the window, landing on the SWAT team's truck. Unfortunately for him, he was spotted by SPARTAN-Ultraman 117, who gave chase after arriving at the power plant and deactivating the reactor with seconds to spare. He stole a truck and drove onto the CTE, but he was unable to outrun SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 due to the truck's top speed being 65km/h. He crashed the truck into the Singapore flyer, and by another horrendous, overlooked error in the Flyer, the entire wheel dislodged and began to roll all over Singapore. Booth jumped on the rolling wheel but was attacked by SPARTAN-Ultraman 117 who wielded an energy sword. Booth then fought him with a lightsaber, as the ferris wheel kept rolling. In the end, the wheel was stopped by the causeway, and ended the Dead Man's Chest-esque fight. Booth then jacked a lamborghini Galladro and fled, but SPARTAN-117 had been flung so far by the collision of the wheel that he ended up at Changi Airport. He proceeded to steal a jet and parachuted onto Booth's Galladro, and blew it up with his rocket launcher, causing a huge pile-up on the causeway. eventually, the combined weight of the jet and tons of crashed cars caused the causeway to collapse. Booth had somehow survived the crash, and continued running. He met a horrible death when he ended up in Lim Chu Kang, and SPARTAN-117 literally turned him into mincemeat by running a combine harvester over him. After this incident, SPARTAN-117 received his 117th Medal of Honor, and a promotion to 2nd Lieutenant.

edit Weapons and Equipment

The SAF utilizes heavy power armor for all units, regardless of rank. Conscripts are welded into a suit of durasteel power armor that runs on a rechargeable set of power cells, that lasts around 18 hours before having to be recharged. The conscripts' armor is not exactly tough and a Brawl-class MBT's claw can slice through it with ease, killing the fellow within. However, it can withstand a barrage of tomatoes at a buffet fight, as well as a 50g shaped charge going off while stuck on the armor. Conscripts are issued with Type-37 Carbines, nicknamed the "bolter", that fires 25mm slugs at the rate of 500 rounds/minute. Also, Conscripts do utilize pokemon grenades that spawns a pokemon after it goes off.

Regulars receive more powerful armor, after going through the arduous process of scaling the rank ladder. As mentioned before, the regulars' armor is able to withstand a thermonuclear blast at ground zero, but the regulars move like trundling elephants as a result of the armor's extreme weight. Regulars carry the bolter as well, but only as a secondary weapon. Regulars are split into different types. Firstly, front-line combat personnel carry the Type-59 assault rifle. The Type-59 fires highly-charged laser bolts at a rate of 700 rounds/minute, and is capable of tearing through a standard 10-inch bunker wall with ease. Unfortunately, the Type-59 is handicapped slightly as it utilizes a battery that has to be recharged after 600 shots. However, this handicap is considered small as a single shot is typically enough to kill an enraged, rampaging adult rhinoceros. Secondly, demolitions personnel carry the M19 SSM Rocket Launcher. The rocket launcher fires a miniaturized HAVOK nuclear warhead, enough to tear apart an AT-AT walker or a squadron of Japanese Gundams. This rocket launcher is severely handicapped as it has a slow rate of fire, and shells have to be carried by other personnel. Sniper personnel carry the SRS99C-S2 AMB Sniper Rifle, with 100x zoom, allowing them to hit targets more than 3km away. The SRS99C-S2 AMB fires a titanium pellet that explodes on impact in a cloud of shrapnel, killing or mauling anyone unfortunate enough to be in the vicinity of the target. Heavy Assault personnel carry the M90 Close Assault Weapon System, basically a shotgun. The shotgun is deadly at ranges of 0-12 metres, literally tearing the unfortunate targets apart. Apart from the M90, Heavy Assault personnel also carry the highly exclusive Type-1 Energy Weapon/Sword. The Type-1 tears through anything from human flesh to MBT armor with ease, and is the most deadly melee weapon in the world apart from the lightsaber.

SPARTANs receive the Mark VI MJOLNIR armor, the most powerful suit of armor in the SAF to date. Weighing in at about half a ton, wearers of the MJOLNIR must be supernaturally strong, agile and powerful. Physical augmentations took place to ensure these traits were produced, but the procedures failed miserably, killing all the test subjects except no. 117. The MJOLNIR is proportionate to the standard power armour in terms of stopping power as the Euro is to the Zimbabwe dollar. This armour system also gives SPARTAN-117 the ability to run at 105km/h, pwning Usain Bolt, to lift objects up to three tons, to have a reaction time of 20 milliseconds, and to be able to strike so hard to send someone flying through the wall. Besides being armed with most standard weapons, SPARTAN-117 is also armed with the Type-2 Energy Weapon/Hammer. The gravity hammer distorts gravity and ruptures the internal organs of anyone within a 5m-radius of the "epicentre" of the hammer strike. Generally, it kills all within a 5m-radius. SPARTAN-117's weapons of choice are the Type-1 Energy Weapon and the Type-59 assault rifle.

It has been reported that the SPARTANs may be working on a top secret mission to nuke the Uzbekistan. Currently, sources indicate that they have gathered 107 microwaves.

edit MINDEF eForums

MINDEF eForums, sometimes known as /mindef/, exist to lower productivity. It is estimated that up to 6,000 hours of productivity are lost to the SAF as a result of its continued availability to any serviceman with a computer[8].

edit Honour and Passion

In 2007, the SAF worked with Mediacorp to produce a brand-new Military-themed TV series named Honour and Passion. It features many strong points of the Singapore Military, including soldiers who aimed to become Clerks and Regimental Policeman, honourable commandos who can subdue gay terrorists with the power of a Power Ranger, a female soldier (Portrayed by the desirable Felicia Chin) who was actually a man, and many others as well. In the show there is also a gay Muslim terrorist by the name of Qusay Bin Laden, who aimed to plunge Singapore in dark chaos. However, he failed to do so, because the directors of the show dared not allow this to happen, being paid by the SAF to ensure that the elite Singapore Commando will overcome the terrorists.

edit Notes

  1. "Active" being highly subjective.
  2. An undisclosed number of "chao keng" or malingering personnel is not included in this figure.Drop to 8 because 4 died this year.
  3. Although it has never been in any except the Iraqi War.
  4. When compared against Madagascar and Greenland.
  5. Mostly PC Gamer, although the Uber Prime Minister is occasionally known to diversify is bathroom reading material.
  6. which can be put to better use such as posting on the Mindef eForum or dodging arrows that come one's way
  7. As in, "If no one ever thinks about Total Defence, does it truly exist?".
  8. Fortunately, this has not compromised the efficiency of the SAF.
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