User:Administrator/Dawn (Pokemon)/The Sexy Version
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
| The Subject of this Article is too Damn Sexy!|
If you saw this person it's possible that you might fall to the ground and
worship him/her, or spontaneously combust from a sex drive overload.
Dawn (known in Japan as Hikari, in France as Aile, and in Italy as Pinocchio) is a character/actress on the show Pokemon. Known for her hot looks, she is considered by far the hottest Pokemon character in the history of the whole show (Espicially for pedophiles.)(If you don't think she's hot, you know too much. Mutherfucker.) This is because she is the first girl Ash has ever met that actually wears something different every day. Click Here!
edit As a Character/Actress on Pokemonsexy fanart. Everywhere from Kalamazoo to Ulan Bataar, people drew Dawn in sexy poses (No suprize. She's HOT!!!!). The only difference between Dawn's phase and May's was that Dawn hasn't been drawn (at least not very well) in a bikini yet...UNTIL JULY 11, 2007!!!! Finally, Someone did a good job of drawing her in a bikini(HORRAY!!!!) and the zombie-pedophile-fanboy-raver world was once again at ease.
edit Cameo Appearances
A supposed spin-off called "The Life of Dawn" came into the internet a few weeks ago. Supposedly, the entirety of Dawn's role in the Pokemon show is nothing more than a lie edited by the producers of the show, but it is unconfirmed as being legal. At the very least, it has shown Dawn with dual lightsabers fighting a green-haired chick with plasma cannons, so even if it's not real, it's still awesome.
The show Everybody Hates Raymond is rumored to have requested Dawn to star in an upcoming episode (It's a lie!!), which will be the final season's opening show. Dawn would be a hot neighbor that tempts Raymond to leave Deborah. Frank is also very tempted. Oh, by the way, Frank is now played by your dad instead of the late Millard Fillmore. Dawn has rejected this role, but May accepted. Boy, did she do a good job.
In the upcoming Bill Engvall Show, Dawn will star in a few episodes as herself...except in the plot, she is still in high school and is a superhero. However, unlike all the other shows just like that, she is actually cool.
Family Guy has asked Dawn to guest-star in an upcoming episode, She declined.
For some damn reason, Dawn was asked to appear on Total Drama Island. Instead of agreeing, Dawn went to the island & blew up the host, Chris McClain, with a tank, then left. Chris was later revieved with a pheonix down
edit Role on Show
Dawn's addition to the show did three things. First, it initially pissed everybody off because Misty was not reentered into the show. Second, everybody then realized that Dawn wore shorter shorts than Misty, so it was perfectly okay. Third, it raised the show's popularity to Horny Teenagers tremendously. Dawn is new to the whole Pokemon experience, but as of Episode 27, she is getting better by the hour (so I wouldn't count her out yet). She started out Shittily. She couldn't even beat Team Rocket in the premiere episode. Boy, that must've been immensely embarrassing. Well, at least she managed to call federal autorities. Team Rocket was arrested shortly after, then released on $14,000,000 bond two days later.
Dawn has attracted a whole new crowd of pedos to mix in with the show's current audience of teens. However hot she is, she is still new. It is obvious that Dawn will often get herself in really big trouble, until Ash pops in and supposedly saves everything while Dawn stands by cheerleading or using Piplup to execute lame attacks. May's job was similar, but she killed the guy who gave her that job after he asked to have sex with her after his wife left him. However, May did not want to end up like all the other girls on the show who acted solely as sex objects, so she spiked his Miller Lite with arsenic and he died of heavy metal poisoning. Thus a lawsuit was filed. However, the lawsuit was dropped when the victim's lust for May was exposed, since there are too many Pokemon pages on Uncyclopedia with that kind of crap anyway, which is a cause for the Salem Pokemon Trials.
edit Struggles Off-Camera
Dawn has had many struggles during her tenure on Pokemon.
Dawn had a very unsteady financial situation after the IRS screwed her over numerous times. She eventually threatened a lawsuit due to unfair, high taxes. The IRS eventually backed down after Dawn's long-time friends John Cena and Chuck Norris proceeded to beat the living tar out of an IRS member after hearing of the heavily-publicized incident.
Dawn attempted to kidnap May at the acadamy awards (For being hotter than her) But ended up dumping May onto her bed and have hot (Unwilling on May's side) lesbian sex with her. Dawn turned bio from then on
Dawn had a relationship with Brock for awhile. Then the relationship ended when Brock punched a lamp out in a heated argument about their still-unstable finances (which were still unstable because Dawn was obsessed with buying shojo). Eventually, Brock became an emo and joined the band My Chemical Romance. He's the new bassist. She was single and has somebody to
fuck rape love(Position taken by May). (So all you creepy old folks creepy fanboys can just wimper and fuck yourselves).
On June 28, 2007, Dawn attended Ash's funeral (it's implied that she pissed on his grave right after saying, "Fuck you, obsessed fucktard!" She found out that Ash had been sleeping with May, when she was sleeping with her) and drank punch spiked with vodka. She needed medical attention. Police later found that Drew had spiked the punch with Smirnoff. Dawn is doing well.
Later on July 6, 2007, Dawn was asked to do a photo shoot for Stuff magazine. Being entirely happy that she can do her bikini modeling again, she accepted and received numerous rave reviews (mostly from obsessed fanboys...again). She is currently nominated to be on the list in the Top 100 Most Sexiest Women, Losing to May (Top 3)...even though she IS NOT OVER 18 (but who gives a fuck).
Rumor has it that there is a Minor
Supreme Court Case between Dawn and an overly obsessed fanboy. The fanboy (who seems to look like Ash Rectum) possibly might have a released a sex tape with someone of the likes of Dawn. Deciding to take matters in her own hands, the fanboy was somehow killed in his computer blew up almost uploading the last 100 kilobytes of s3xx4y pr0n of part 2 of the leaked footage. This all took place on June 25, 2007. A funeral will be held for the person that looked like Ash Rectum on the 28th.
edit Quotes & Responses
“He's kinda creepy...”
“I was replacing HER? DAMN!”
“What a bunch of bitches!”
“He's about as cool as the Sun.”
“She's not prettier than me! Nobody is!”
“Who are you again?”
“Yeah, who is Pandora?”
“My best and most favorite creation.”
“Way 2 go, bro! Down with Cure Autism Now!”
“OGM! WE R BFFS! LOL!”
“SHE RULES! Is she a tomboy? Or a shemale?”
“Ehhhhhh....... do you like Piplupz? I heard you liek piplupz”
“Yes, I love Piplups!”
“Let's be friends, right?”
“Sure, why not? You can join with Ash”
“In Soviet Russia, Dawn likes YOU!!”
“Man, I wish it was Soviet Russia”
- Dawn battled the Count in one of the Pokemon Episodes. Piplup surprisingly did the Count in due to the Count's freak accident when a Steelix swatted him to the ground, splintering his ribcage.
- Dawn loves questioning the sexual orientations of other Pokemon characters. Most Uncyclopedia Pokemon pages were, in fact, created by her.
- Dawn loves all U.S. sports teams, except the Detroit Lions.
- There are many stalkers that are on Dawn's tail, including Strong Bad, Brian Peppers, Teh Cheat, Bart Simpson, Bill Clinton, David Letterman, You, Colonel Sanders, Barak Obama, Your Mother, Sergeant Schultz, Jay Leno, Emperor Palpatine (promptly arrested by intergalactic police for stalking, trial date still pending), Cloud Strife, Randy Orton, & even Ash, who was originally a homo.
An investigation following the statement proved that the rumors originated through Grievous himself. Dawn filed a lawsuit against him as well as The National Enquirer for the false reports (false reporting is considered a felony). The hearings took place on May 30, 2007. Dawn won the case, thus the National Enquirer and Grievous has been forced to pay $6 Million.
- Dawn has been known to pull into the Pokemon studio lot with random metal songs blaring out her Mazda RX-7's speakers.
- The basement in Dawn's house has a bunch of Metallica, Slipknot and Disturbed memorabilia.
- Dawn was to be in WWE tv, being in the SAVE_US.222 mystery, however, his new boyfriend John Cena got injured, and Dawn said no. So then they replaced her with Chris Jericho.
- Dawn has been known to wander Anime Expos dressed up as Corey Taylor, Robert Plant, James Hetner, or Amy Lee.
- Dawn is actually a Japanese girl called Hikari (Rumoured to be a distant cousin to Inuyasha's biotch Kagome) and has never actually heard of Area 51, Bart Simpson or the National Enquirer....so, you've likely read all of the trivia section, for nothing! She's also light, for "Hikari" means "light" in Japanese.
- She's IS NOT related to Dawn Fraser.
- Dawn is apparently 10 years old. Though most people ignore that fact due to her to her well-developed bod.
edit Dawn's relationships
Dawn, despite her hot looks, DOES NOT HAVE A SUCESSFUL DATING HISTORY! ZOMFG. She got it on with Paul for a month, but then she was dumped for being too 'embarassing'. She also tried to seduce Ash, who was still going out with May, didn't want to do anything to hurt her (He doesn't want to lose her hot bod) so rejected her. When Dawn learnt the truth of Ash's rejection, she planned to kidnap May, but then fell hard for her (Head first). So instead of killing her, she started to rape her (Much like how Misty did) and become a Bio. May is now known as the 'magnet' for her ability to attract all the guys/girls (Dawn,Ash and Misty). She is now trying to get Ash's Buizel to fuck her, as she is needs a more legal means of releasing her sexual tensions. Of course, the way she's doing it is sick and twisted.
edit Dawn's Possessions
This is a list of Dawn's current possessions, so far:
- A ribbon her mother gave her
- The key to the Party Store's Beer Fridge
- Five Ms. Universe trophies
- A bag of shit
- 75% of the microskirt industry
- Love potions
- Ambipom (She gave that damn freeloader, Buizel away for it.)
- Plasma Buster Mk. XXXVIII
- Rider Kick
- Ruger AC-556
- 12" single of "Eleanor Rigby" b/w "Carbon 14" by Uranium.
- Thermo-Nuclear Missiles
- 90% of GooStock
- WWE Championship
- An Operation Overdrive tracker.
- A 1337 supa h4x0r Bright Crimson Red 1991 Mazda RX-7 with Light Black Window Tint, 22-inch TIS Model-14 rims, a vinyl TIS decal, Mach-3 jet engine disguised as a regular 450-hp engine, and DVD player with surround sound Bose system
- Metallica Albums.
- Hundreds of NHL Jerseys.
- The Autobot Matrix of Leadership
- A huge suitcase of dresses
- Your Mother
- A Hobo
- A Homo
- A studed robo dildo
edit Need For Speed: Ultra Revenge
Along with a whole host of celebrity stars, Dawn will be starring in the newest Need for Speed video game. She plays herself. Her character is
unknowingly seductive and has a fast-as-hell car (1991 Mazda RX-7). However, she isn't the hardest opponent for the player to beat. The hardest is Jeffrey, played by Bruce Willis. Recent news have stated that Dawn's race will be one-on-one, and each race will only happen once, with easily-found magazine pictures of her being showed upon victory. (Like the magazine pictures below.)
edit Image Gallery of Dawn's hotness