From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Administrators and members on Uncyclopedia create user names just to follow procedure, but in reality, they do not appreciate being called by these nicknames. The following is a list of their real names, along with a short biographical sketch for admins and notable members of the site.
This page is for entries of people you may have never heard of before that have got their own special place now. These folks are eighter a) inactive for a long period b) Not-That-Notable-But-Still c) annoying. So there.
Nerd's real name is Kelly. As his nickname suggests, Kelly is a 42-year-old man, despite his female name. In his spare time, he works as a brain surgeon at Newark General Hospital. He's married to Carol Pepper, a popular Taiwanese singer who may or may not be female. He joined Uncyclopedia, as much as we all try to deny it.
Suresh's real name is Sakura Hashimoto. Sakura, like Kelly, has a female name and a penis, but generally does not wish to make that fact known to the public. He is one of at least two notable Japanease Uncyclopedians. He is 29 years old and builds robots for a living; coincidentally, he built Rikio's wife. He joined Uncyclopedia using one of the seven computers he has in his bathroom.
Kakun's real name is Darren Waldo, but he prefers to be called only by his last name. Waldo actually originated to the popular book series "Where's Waldo?" as well as the Waldo character himself, which is based on Darren's usual mode of dress (a striped red-and-white shirt and hat, and thick glasses). He is one of the few notable Jewish members, which means he must be controlling Uncyclopedia from the shadows. His controlling style is unusual, however, as it involves posting images to VFP constantly that get voted down. He even has his own section of VFP, further fueling the Jewish conspiracy theory. It is even suggested that he has started a secret Uncyclopedia, just for Jews, called "Eincyclopedia." This is just rediculous, however, and has been wholly debunked by noted historian Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.
edit Nintendorulez (Richard)
Nin's real name is Richard Dixon. Rich works for Apple and goes thru the web pretending to be a Nintendo addict, thus justifying his first name. This is all part of an orchestrated campaign to decrease Nintendo's popularity among internet users in an attempt to cause them to renounce videogame playing altogether and turn to Apple computers, or, if possible, to other Apple equipment, such as iPods. Richard is very good at what he does, and has thus been offered an adminship post at Uncyclopedia on the condition that he leave his previous jobs. Jobs is not so forgiving, however, so Rich cannot leave, not until he finds a SAFE way out...
edit Orion Blastar (Ündol)
Orion Blastar's real name is Ündol. Ündol, like Björk, is an eskimo from Iceland, and therefore, a wonderful bow and arrow user. He moved to northern Norway when he was 14. Now, with 17 years old, Ündol is a world phenomenon, due to the fact that he stop Norway from flooding by sticking his finger in the wall's hole or something. Ündol joined Uncyclopedia typing with his toes.
Xiao Li must not be spoken of or everyone within a 50 km radius will be instantly incinerated. Xiao's real name is "He Who Must Not Be Named." No, seriously, his name is actually "He Who Must Not Be Named." Some say that he is Klingon warrior with a morbid fear of almanacs, while others say that he is a terrifying beast who uses the metric system despite living in the United States and has eidetic memory. No one knows for sure and a few experts on Uncyclopedian Biography claim that Xiao Li does not exist at all.
Hinoa is one of the few members whose nickname is actually something close to the truth. He/It is the fourth version of an AI program that operates in the internet, attempting to post as a normal human being. So far, no one has been able to tell. In his spare time, he/it sabotages efforts to program Hinoa v5.0. He/It joined Uncyclopedia to make fun of the puny flesh-things.
Benson's real name is Junichiro Koizumi (no relation). He resides in Kentuckistan, where the resident xenophobes have made attempt after attempt to ostracize him and drive him from the community. This has yet to stop him, and he remains a cult-like figure of notability. An interesting birth defect has rendered him completely mute. He joined Uncyclopedia after a laptop was thrown through his front window.
BIOS v. 2.13 is the best BIOS yet! We're so excited about releasing v. 2.13 that the entire design crew was given the day off. ALL of them! Please review the readme file if you experience any difficulty getting your computer to work. If you keep having trouble, please email us at BIOS.email@example.com or call toll-free 1-800-GET-LOST. Thank you.
edit Ye Olde Luke (Freddie)
Ye Olde Luke 'Twas borneth in the Year 0 AD, his birth name is, "Freddie mercury". He greweth up And eventually married Atilla the Hun. Theyne hath had a happy life together until the tragedy that would change his life forever occurethed. He wath arrested in the year 2007 for sexual abuse on a fellow uncyclopedian. The accusation was that he said quote un-quote,"I will do yours if you do mine". However this misfortune hasn'teth stopped him from acheiving fame and fortune, he was formerly employed as that Canadian guy on "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" He currently resides in San Fransisco, and is working as a male prostitute. When asked "wtf?", his only response was,"I do it for the L0LZ!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!one!!!!!!!!2!!!!!!!
Born Herbert T. Dumpling, is an egomaniacal midget with plans for world domination. Most of his plans revolve around the usage of his namesake Bon Bons, round chocalately covered candies which are irresistable to humans (they also contain seaweed, which can be used to make ice cream or explosives, whichever he needs). B0n b0ns chose this name because of his one true love, who abandoned him for someone sexier. He has been a vengeful recluse ever since. But remember: when he succeeds in taking over the world, only registered Uncyclopedians wil be spared.
Depending on the day of the week, Sam is either the most gorgeous feminine flower to ever grace the Earth, or a man of such might and virility that Chuck Norris would weep. For some weird reason, it is a powerful believer in feminism no matter which gender it happens to be on any given day. Many people speculate on what Sam's true gender would be, but as of yet, no conclusion has been reached. Sam joined Uncyclopedia during one of its intermittent transformations (male to female in this case) and clicked the first link available to get away from the porn site she had previously been viewing.
edit Not A Good Username360 (Not A Good Name)
Not A Good Username360 is the current incarnation of the ancient n00b Not A Good Name. Not A Good Name's true name was long forgotten in the passage of time; not even HE can remember what it is anymore. The only thing anyone ever knows about Not A Good Name's original name was that it was so horrible, if anyone said it aloud, they'd die of the horror of the sound. Not A Good Name is around 3862.89 years old, and yet never seems to be able to age appropriatly. He laughs at atheists, because he was over 1000 years old when Jesus roamed the Earth. Ah, good times. He swears the stories are true, but due to his inability to age, no one beleives him. N00bs. He joined Uncyclopedia before the internet was invented, but his account never ages, either.