User:Aaadddaaammm/Emaul

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search

An emaul is an extremely efficient form of communication in which two or more participants exchange emails to make a facile decision.

edit Typical Format

edit First Contact

An emaul begins when one participant decides a particular issue or question needs addressing. They will then send an email to another participant describing the problem. Great care needs to be taken to avoid phrasing this initial email in a way that would quickly resolve the problem. For example, one must either omit all background information that renders the issue comprehensible, or one must include so much information that the salient points are forever lost in its murky depths.

This email will also contain what looks like an easy way to resolve all. However, it is cleverly planned so that the proposed solution actually further complicates the situation. An example here would be when one offers a time to meet to discuss the issue, with the knowledge that either or both of the participants are unable to attend at this time. An especially skilful emauler will ensure that the conflict here is of a complex and/or sensitive nature, such as a prior commitment involving several serial relationships, or an appointment for an embarrassing medical issue.

edit The Return

The first reply to the initial email is a very important move. A skilled emauler will immediately identify the challenge that participant A has sent. They must ensure they respond in a appropriate manner. The difficulty facing every emauler in this position is to overcome the powerful element of surprise participant A has over them. Typically this is achieved by using the mirror technique. For example, participant A suggests that a meeting at 7.30am Tuesday would be good, so then the strongest move participant B can make may be to suggest 7.30am next Tuesday.

In addition, participant B can "raise the stakes" but including more people in the emaul, by adding them as CCs. Extremely advanced players may even make use of the BCC function to add unknown participants to the mix. In this way, the BCC function is somewhat analogous to the "split" move in blackjack.

edit Take II

Often the server will expect an easy win, an "ace", if you will. As such, a strong return can unsettle the server. It is customary here for the third email sent in a standard emaul to include many, if not all, of the following points:

  • A passing apology for a trivial aspect of their first email
  • Further information about the issue. Again, the level of information supplied must not be sufficient for comprehension of the real problem.
  • An extensive list of times and places suitable for a meeting. It raises the status of the sender to appear to be very busy, hence a list of 10-12 appropriate times may very well span several months.
  • If the respondent has raised the stakes, the initiator must formally welcome these new members by a series of post scripts, addressing each person in turn. This is an important opportunity for them to raise their status again by demonstrating their popularity, using phrases such as "How is your son's baseball team going, Chuck?". It's also important for them to try to convert some of these new members to their side, as the majority will, of course, be allied with the respondent A.
  • In addition, it is often appropriate for more recipients to be added at this stage. The more the better.

edit Freestyling

After this relatively standard set up, the emaul can take a variety of different turns, but these can be mostly broken down into a series of set moves.

edit The Silent Observer

A CCed or BCCed recipient often contributes to the emaul by a short, cutting email, such as:

Dear Retards
Nobody cares, get a life, both of you.
Percival
Personal tools
projects