User:Un-ASHPD/Command & Conquer: Gummy Dawn

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

< User:Un-ASHPD
Revision as of 06:36, December 7, 2009 by Un-ASHPD (talk | contribs)

Jump to: navigation, search

Origin of Command & Conquer

The Command & Conquer series began in 1995 with the first game Command and Conquer which was originally designed as a training program for the U.S. and A. Military after a series of misprints in an official CIA document. The document detailed an obscure cult who called themselves the Brotherhood of God. This was misstyped as the Brotherhood of Nod. In addition the estimated membership was misprinted as 110,000 when it was in fact 11. Finally the status of the groups armaments was mistyped from 'none' to 'nuclear'. This understandably resulted in a rather frantic panic within American military leadership who was suddenly convinced that the U.S. and A. was about to come under attack from a cult composed of heavily armed troops with nuclear capability. Therefore they commissioned an emergency military training program. When the mistake was revealed and the appropriate people fired the CIA was left with a rather expensive computer program that was no use. So after some subtle changes the program was sold as the computer game known as "Command & Conquer". Much to the surprise of the CIA who just wanted to recoup their losses, the game was a smash success and Westwood Studios alas the dummy company which was set up to market the game to the public had to be established as a proper company in order to create the demanded sequels.

Command & Conquer: Gummy Dawn

Gummy bears

Screenshot from "Gummy Bear War".

After the smash hit success of the original Command & Conquer game, Westwood Studios received tons of fan mails requesting a special edition for children. This is due to the fact the original Command & Conquer game having a PG-13 rating, and many of the fans comprised mainly of fans below thirteen. Henceforth, with one good move, Command & Conquer: Gummy Dawn was born.

Story Plot

During the first Gummy Bear War, one side started to hate the other side. So the gummy bears on that side attacked the gummy bears on the other side.

The attackers seemed to have the upper hand, probably because they are more gummy than the losing side. Others thought it was because the attackers attacked the other side by surprise. Although, others were positive it was because that side somehow created tanks out of yellow things they found on the ground. The other side seemed to be beaten, but then they develop a "Gummy Bear Nuke". They shot one nuke against their enemy's main base and destroyed not only the gummy bears on the other side but also themselves. Only a few young gummy bears survived the nuke. They hated what the old gummy bears had done. So they develop a time machine (with the help of by Stephen Hawking and Chuck Norris), and traveled back in time and fought both sides for being so stupid. And so the Gummy Bear War's events has been altered, this time with the young gummy bears from the future.

Command & Conquer: The Convent Operations


Nuns with rifles.

The war drags on with another new expansion by the HOLY awesomeness by Westwood Studios.

This time round, the future gummy bears realized that that they were too vulnerable in their Fortress and that they needed an "edge" to defeat the two sides, in which they decide to find the Lost Holy Convent somewhere in Germany and to seek the nuns. These nuns the gummy bears seek are not the normal virgin nuns that armed with holy bibles preaching about God in normal churches, but its the Nuns with Rifles, those hot virgin ladies armed with real self-loading rifles in special churches.

So the future gummy bears search high and low. Eventually they found the Lost Holy Convent. The Nuns with Rifles made an agreement if the gummy bears can find the holy condoms.

After twelve difficult trials, the gummy bears managed to get what the Nuns with Rifles wanted. So the Nuns with Rifles came to help them, gunning down and killed the older gummy bears till kingdom come, with some hallelujah music in the background and ultimately ending the story once and for all... or so you thought.

Personal tools