The Office of the Capo Bastone is a bright room, with the scent of cigar smoke lingering in the air and the distinct smell of expensive cologne permeating everything, intermingling with the acrid smoke to create an odour reminiscent of a club or poker-den. The room is lavishly furnished, but nothing overly opulent adorns the walls. On the desk their is a silver fountain pen, several sheets of paper and a bound folder. In the large armchair sits the Capo Bastone, flanked by a hitman on either side.
The Office of The Capo Bastone
"You may speak" says a cracked voice emanating from the seated figure.
Hello, Mr. Lavrenti, how are you doing? All is well, I hope. I come with a few questions: how do you suppose we get the help office up and running? Do you think we should/can do something about DJ Irrev? What's your favorite Depeche Mode song?
Tenenbaum, Good to see you! Your questions are excellent as always, and I will answer them in order. The help office is, as yet, unused. This is primarily because of lack of advertising. The new users just don't know about the service. What we can do, is get it listed somewhere, in a Help page or something like that (I'll make some enquiries to an Admin or two) or have an add for New Users Talk Pages, sort-a like what you've currently got, but without the hard-sell approach. Now, as to the DJ, he remains separate from our little business, and probably wants to keep it that way. I'll talk to him about it, and get back to you. As for Depeche Mode, I'm afraid that I'm a little out of touch with European electronica, but if they come with your approval, I shall spend some time listening to their music.
Hello, Digits. Very plush office you've got yourself. So what's going down here? And what's that about DJ? - [11:43 7 September] Yours Sincerely, Don Mr. Antonio "Snowmobile" Yettie
- Wait a second! There's a LCD computer screen in that picture! The scandal! - [11:48 7 September] Yours Sincerely, Don Mr. Antonio "Snowmobile" Yettie
- That's actually just a painting... -- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 21:45, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
- And one more thing. I liked the idea of themed Uncyclopedia utility templates. Wanna get someone working on that? - [11:50 7 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- I could get started on that! All I need is a list of templates that need a re-workin' -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 18:12, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
* QVFD - Essentially a thin (1 line) template, with a link to the article, I'll then add the Delete Link as well.
- A Post it note - Official Mafia Communication form (similar to your userpage), for use on TalkPages
- Some trophies/awards - Be creative -- Mr. Lavrenti "Digits" Hex 21:45, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
- Well, I came up with a few on my sandbox (at the very bottom - ideas/suggestions are appreciated), but I don't see what you mean by QVFD template. -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 03:29, 11 September 2008 (UTC)
/The Don wonders in all business like and chucks some papers onto the desk, casually. Hey, guys those need substing (with a signature) to every single Mafia-going user's talkpage. Have fun! - [17:50 7 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
I'll-a do what you want-a me to, Laventri. Босс Mr. Lazar "Meth" Jasper
How bout you take the russian branch, and I'll do the italians? -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 18:16, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
- Oh, I thought you meant something else... nevermind, I'll do that notice thing... -- C.B.D. C.R. "Grieve" Tenenbaum 18:27, 7 September 2008 (UTC)
Hey, I'd like it if the CB's office could pick up on paying out interest on Mafia bank accounts. Thanks, you're doing a great job. - [19:50 7 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- Oh and just to be clear! This money has to be officially paid out of a bank account, the CB's I guess, with the reason "official interest transaction" on the first of next month. - [19:52 7 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- Aw, damn, I gave all the accounts the interest for the month and it said it was from the "Interest Center". I don't have the money, that was why. Босс Mr. Lazar "Meth" Jasper
- It's okay, just don't do it next time, take from your bosses' account, or something (who can rob a bank any time he likes) so that we don't get too much random inflation. Alternatively, you could create a "Interest Center" account which starts on $2000 and goes up by $500 every day. Actually I like that idea. That's your job, just make sure it never has any cash exceeding $10, 000. Okay? Meth, that's all up to you! Have fun, and if that account can't pay out, people don't get dosh, okay? FUDGE STICKS! I've had a better idea. The Interest Account has money in it equal to the amount on the "donation page" (minus the cents). This totaly is then updated every month. Coolility? Or maybe every month it's updated by the amount of change on the donation page + it's $1000 in interest. - [15:38 8 September] Sir FSt Don Yettie
- I'll stick to the donation idea. Босс Mr. Lazar "Meth" Jasper