User:1028/Cap'n Crunch Q & A
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Q: How did Cap'n Crunch discover the crunchberry?
A: One night, on his ship, Cap'n Crunch had really bad diarhea. His crap cloggged up the toilet, and they had no food, so his entire crew ate the crap. While the voerwhelming majprity called it awful, Cap'n Crunch thought it was delicious, and he aquired a patent on the "recipe" and called it the "crunchberry" and from then on, everyone on his crew would eat crunchberries for their entire lives.
Q: Why doesn't Cap'n Crunch ever leave his ship?
A: For centuries he's been trying to find to Lost Cocoa Island, where everything is made of chocolate. He mentions it in every discussion he's ever had. Cap'n Crunch is a part-time guidance conselor for a high school, so whenever they ask for help, he says that they so go find the Lost Cocoa Island.This is the main reason for high school dropouts. He also claims to have sailed 'round to world, when in reality his ship has never left the dock. He once sailed to New Zealand, and thinking it was the LCI, he jumped out of his boat, yelled "Land Ho!" and sarted esating the dirt, thinking it was chocolate. He forced his crew members to eat it too.
Q: Why does Cap'n Crunch sometimes drive his boat into building where children are?
A: Drunk sailing.
Q: Does Cap'n Crunch have a family?
A: Yes. He is currently married to Aunt Jamima, technically making her Aunt Crunch. They have about 30,000 kids, most of them either named "Aunt" or "Captain". There is one child named "Wally"; he is Cap'n Crunch's favorite. He told this to all of his children, which the warning "but don't tell anyone!" The only thing Wally can do is imitate a windmill.