User:ᐛᐂᐖ/UnScripts:The Birth of Jesus

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This script art a part of

The UnScripts Project

Your personal Shakspearian folio of humor, love, woe and other silly emotions.

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edit Act 1

edit Cast

  • Mary - A fourteen-sixteen year old girl of biblical fame.
  • Angel - Glitzy, biblical. Incredibly over-orthodox.
  • Mary's Mother - Slightly overweight - typical Christian Mother.
  • Mary's Father - Angry about everything. Reads The Son - a (slightly) more biblical version of today's 'The Sun'
  • Mary's Brother - Modern teen. Twin brother.
  • Mary's Baby Sister - Bawling Baby. 'nuff said.
  • Extras - I'm too lazy to add any more characters here.

edit Scene 1 - The Church Scene

edit Setting

It is a dark knight. A girl, aged about sixteen, is sweeping the floor of a two-roomed mud-built building. There is a door behind her. There is a wooden table to one side, with four seats and a highchair next to it. The lights rise as Mary starts speaking.


  • Mary: (singing)

There is a knock on the door. Mary looks up.

  • Mary: Oh! I doth wonder who that couldst be? It couldst not be the milkman, forsooth, he doth lie verily in his bed! I shall take unto the door and see!

The angel is there. A light shines behind him.

  • Angel: Mary! Be not afraid, for I bring glad tidings!
  • Mary: Forsooth, It doth be as unto an angel as is possible!
  • Angel: My name is Gabriel, and I doth be a messenger unto the Earth, from your Lord God on high!
  • Mary: 'Tis truly an Angel, The very stuff of legends! Verily, I speak unto him: (Addresses Angel for the first time.) Angel, thee who hast been sent unto mine parents' abode, I beseech thee, tell of me my task, that I may complete it in its entirety!
  • Angel: Mary, truly thou art blessed above all others, for thou art to carry a baby, born of the Lord most high. Thou shalt carry him until his ninth month, then he shall be born, and his name shalt be known throughout the kingdom as 'Jesus'.
  • Mary: (Looking excited) And when shall mine lord visit mine abode, and relinquish me of my purity?
  • Angel: Verily, I say unto you that as the sun rises each day, and the moon shines each night, the Lord shall not need to rid you of your innocence.
  • Mary: Alas... I mean... Verily, as the Lord says, It shall be done!

Lights fade.

edit Scene 2 - The Eastenders Scene

edit Setting

Same room as before. Mary's mother, father, brother and sister are seated around the table, which has been moved to the middle of the room. As the lights fade in, we hear them talking. After a few seconds, Mary walks in through the door. She is carrying shopping in a wicker bag. She sets it down on a sideboard as she starts talking.


  • Mary: Forsooth, Mother, verily I have thy shopping. Wouldst it be that I could seat myself at thine table?
  • Mother: Oh, sit down, girl. Had a good day?
  • Mary: Oh Mother, I have such news! Thou knowest I have been working this day? (General Nods. This should not interrupt the speech too much.) Well, as I was sweeping the floor, this angel appeared unto me!
  • Brother: (Interrupting) I told you she was...
  • Mother: (Also interrupting) Shut up, boy. Yes Mary?
  • Mary: Mother, twas strange, forsooth! verily, I say he spake unto me! He told me that our Lord God was going to give me a child!
  • Brother: (Interrupting again) What! You tell me off when I...
  • Mother: (Also interrupting again) Just shut up.
  • Father: Don't speak to my son like that!
  • Mother: He's my son! How dare you speak about him like that!
  • Father: Oh, so I didn't take part in his creation? Are you saying he's a bastard? And it seems like you're saying that you're an adulterating, heartless, evil, bitch! (He has risen to his feet during this speech) I'm leaving, and I'm leaving the kids.
  • Mother: No, don't! (Also rises) Don't leave, I love you!
  • Father: Well I've got news for you! I'm gay! Now what are you going to say?
  • Mother: (Faints.)
  • Mary: Verily Father, surely that is not a good thing! Thou shalt be thrown from the heights of Heaven, into the depths of Hell, as surely as night follows day!
  • Father:

edit Act 2


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