Useless Trivia Questions

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Useless trivia questions are a favorite thing for intellectuals to use if they wish to appear smart. These "facts" will have no point, but will conveniently lack any way of double checking them. Intellectuals, noted for their beards, glasses, and John Kerry for President buttons, love to use these “facts” to try to win epic battles of the brains.

[edit] How to Discover a Useless Trivia Question

Useless trivia questions are a favorite thing for intellectuals to use if they wish to appear smart. These "facts" will have no point, but will conveniently lack any way of double checking them. They are able, due to the ignorance of those around them (or the lack of those around them listening to them), to manipulate these "facts" and appear like they actually know something. Here is a handy guide to discovering how to unerath Useless Trivia Questions:

• NOTE: One must be literate to understand these rules. If you are not literate, then stop looking at this page. There is probably something you can chew on around anyway, go knock yourself out.

The example we shall use, "Did you know that during the filming of The Wizard of Oz a munchkin supposedly hung himself during a dance sequence?" This is a good pointless fact to investigate.

1. You can first tell that this is a useless trivia question because it begins with, "Did you know..". You will find that this term is used by only intellectuals, nerds, and Democrats. It is always said in a snotty voice and the person saying it will most likely put his or her glasses on the tip of their nose, resembling Icabod Crane in the Disney version of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow.
2. A well known film was chosen (The noted asker would probably refer to film as “filmography” and celebrate how intelligent he sounded, although he actually sounded like a complete jackass for using the term "filmography"). By choosing a well known film he believes himself to be in the "inside loop" of Hollywood gossip, though he or she has probably never left their room more than once, and that was probably to rent a pornographic "filmography". A well known film will also give off the aura of "I’m a historian." Intellectuals will tend to forget that any idiot with internet access could find this "fact" on a conspiracy theory website.
3. All useless trivia facts have a "Vagueness Quota". The above "trivia" question’s Vagueness Quota is using the term, "supposedly." No "useless trivia question" would be complete without using a vague term. "Supposedly" gives enough room to either A) Gloat if it is true or B) Say, "Well it was only supposed", if the pointless crap question is found wrong.

NOTE to the literate: Beware the Vaguness Quota, for once you have been sucked inside it, you have no choice but to declare the "fact" true. When you do that you are a candidate for a beating.

"Did you know that Communism is the best form of government? This is NOT an opinion, it is a fact. If you think it is an opinion you must be stupid. EVERYTHING I say is a fact."

[edit] Famous Useless Trivia Dealers

Throughout history useless trivia deals have been known to arise from the deepest pits of pond scum and annoy the hell out of everyone. Here are some people who are experts in this field.

• Rutherford B. Hayes: Known for the infamous "I can spell better than you" incident in 1882.
• James G. Blaine: He was just a pompous asshole, not really a dealer of useless trivia.
• Wikipedia: The ultimate head quarters for the useless trivia dealer. They get most of their "facts" from this website.