Uranus
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“Ha ha! Uranus”
“A boy named Sue”
~ Johnny Cash on the name Urnaus
“What a funny name”
~ Topher Grace on his name and the name Uranus
Uranus (pronounced: "Your anus" - no, seriously) is full of gas-- in fact, it is a planet of gas, big and hairy and has a blissful pinkish color to it which can be easily seen in the photograph. Known to be the favourite destination of homosexual astronauts.
Uranus does possess a ring system but compared to Saturn, it is nowhere near as spectacular. This is generally considered by the scientific community to be "Rather a shame".
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[edit] Discovery
Uranus was discovered March 13, 1781 by the British astronomer Sir William "Deadeye" Herschel (1738 - 1822). On that particular night, Herschel had a profound belief he was in for some extraordinary observations. Unfortunately, his gorgeous neighbor pulled her shades down and so he reluctantly turned the telescope skyward only to discover the planet Uranus(a gas giant which is pretty much a giant fart). Although this achievement brought him scientific distinction and acclaim, Herschel always wondered until his dying day, what might have been "discovered" if his sexy neighbor wasn't so modest on that historic evening.
[edit] Name Controversy
Herschel decided to name his discovery Georgium Sidus, which is Latin for "George's Star", thereby honoring the then King of England George III. (Yes, sucking up to the boss is a tradition that has been occurring since the dawn of time). However, this blatant attempt to ingratiate himself with the King led Herschel's colleagues to refer to him as "Sir Suck Up". Others felt that since the other planets had mythological names, this tradition should be followed and it was officially named Uranus. Of course it was also the tradition to name planets after famous, normal-sounding deities such as Mercury, Venus and Jupiter. Geez, this was only the seventh planet discovered. Did they think all the good names were taken?
This unfortunate nomenclature .. has made Uranus the butt of many jokes in the modern day and age. Some insist upon saying "your anus" even though the correct pronunciation is closer to "urinous," which translates in English as "having or possessing the qualities of urine." Remember: The planet is "urinous". Your anus is a whole different thing.
During the 2006 meeting of the International Astronomical Union (which eventually robbed Pluto of its planetary status, much to the annoyance of Mickey Mouse), a proposal was put forth by Dr. Pierre Giovanni Murphy. He stated that if they really needed to demote a planet, just on name alone, Uranus deserved serious disqualification. Although his proposal was soundly defeated, it prompted many attendees to make jokes about "your anus" for the duration of the conference.
Nevertheless, on January 6, 2011 the name of Uranus will be officially changed to Urectum, representing a victory for serious astronomy and putting an end, once and for all, to the childish puns and jokes about the 7th planet.
[edit] Physical Features of Uranus
The distance from the Sun to Uranus is 2.871 x 109 km. Compared to the Earth, the diameter of Uranus is about 4 times wider, its mass is 14.5 larger and its distance from the Sun is about 19 times further farther greater. It is worth noting that despite Jupiter being clearly larger in diameter and mass, 9 out of 10 students at local universities always name Uranus as being the biggest... the answer as to why this size-discrepancy phenomenon occurs is still unknown.
Perhaps the most striking feature of Uranus (apart from its goofy name) is the fact that it has an axial tilt of 98° compared to Earth's 23.5° tilt. To find the reason for this abnormality we went to the Gary Busey Institute of Advanced Astrophysics (and Tattoo Emporium), and spoke with Dr. Helen Hunt. She replied "you mean somebody actually wants to know that?" and then abruptly walked away. So, basically, if you want to know the reason for that axial tilt, you'll have to go to Helen Hunt for it. (say it aloud).
According to the most recent data, Uranus has 27 moons the first 2 of which (Titania and Oberon) were discovered by "Deadeye" Herschel. These moons along with Miranda, Ariel and Umbriel break with tradition and are not named after Greek or Roman mythological characters. Instead, these names are those from the works of British authors William Shakespeare and Alexander Pope. Hmmmm, since Herschel was a British citizen, could he have had some influence in once again trying to promote all things British? (Can you say Sir Suck Up)?
Because Uranus is 19 times further farther more distanter from the Sun than the Earth, it receives a mere .00277 the amount of sunlight. While Uranus has long been thought of as the place where "the Sun don't shine", it actually does shine there - but not a heck of a lot.
[edit] Objects Entering Uranus
There is a great amount of stuff lost up Uranus. Recently, NASA used a special robot to probe Uranus and found out that a lot of the lost stuff on Earth is somehow teleported deep inside Uranus.
"While implementing my latest space research experiment, my microscope just disappeared. When we found it, it was somehow inside Uranus", said Dr. No, a NASA scientist. "We're making very deep studies inside Uranus", he also said, "and up to now, we found out it is filled with a dark substance with a really bad smell. We guess the pressure inside Uranus made it all join together to create this useless matter.".
By Christmas, 2007, NASA will have sent a total of 5 specialized robots going in and out of Uranus. It will be codenamed "Operation PUPE" (Probing Uranus Phor Enformation). According to NASA spokesperson, Carson Daly, "We will be shoving tons of dildos space shuttles up this canal. We hope to find prostate other life forms in this undiscovered planet. We hope there are more holes planets that we can penetrate reveal about. Also, butt."
[edit] Objects Leaving Uranus
Many objects have been recorded leaving Uranus. These can be split into two main categories, Brown and Man-made. Following a good curry, brown objects can be propelled out at several miles an hour, providing they stay together and don't disintegrate into a 'runny' phase.
Man-made objects may include marbles, crayons, melons (should you rather poo one than urinate a marble). Once, in 1977, several Klingons were seen around Uranus but they left after the use of paper products.
Poisonous gases also tend to leave Uranus at a high frequency, especially after meals of bacon.
[edit] True Nature of Uranus
Recently it has been discovered that Uranus is not a planet, but actually a black hole. But unlike most black holes, in which nothing can escape, everything eventually comes out of Uranus as dark matter. The eventual fate of the universe is to be filled with dark matter that came from Uranus. It may seem to be pollution; however, it is quite healthy. Try some! :]
[edit] The Dark Side of the Solar System
Because of its location at the extreme rear end of the Solar System, light from the Sun never reaches Uranus. The phrase "Stick it where the Sun doesn't shine" means to send it to Uranus.
[edit] Uranus In Popular Culture
The film Journey To The Seventh Planet takes place on Uranus. Featuring the acting talents of John Agar, Carl Ottosen, Peter Monch and many others you know this is a quality (a.k.a. shit) movie.
The game DDR features Uranus, which really only makes the game that much more disgusting.
Uranus' moon Doub-O (Okmatt Okturney) is visible in several clips of the award winning film "Never Sleep In Mine Fields On Uranus".
Popular singer Fred Astaire once released a song titled 'Fly Me To Uranus' but was forced to pull it when audiences chuckled dryly and several well-dressed society matrons fainted into the arms of their muscluar chauffers.
[edit] Future colonization of Uranus
In the future man will one day design a giant space capsule that will sustain humans all throughout the flight to Uranus. Once on Uranus, humans will work side by side with the locals and create hugh forests where pumpkins the size of planets will be grown. The USS Fingers will be the first ship to go to Uranus. It is named for Captain Fingers, who discovered gaseuos vents on the island of buttcrack.
[edit] The Uranus' moons
Uranus' moons are Miranda, Ariel, Umbriel and other rocks. There are small. Miranda is beautiful. Moon Calliban is the home of angry and hungry callibans.
| Planets |
|---|
| Confirmed (Solar System): Freddy Mercury / Mercury | Venus | Earth/Lyons/iEarth/World (The Moon) | Disney World | Zula (Nayelista) | Planet Hollywood | Mars | Planet Google | Globe | Roseanne | Jupiter | Saturn | Uranus / Youranus / Myanus | Neptune | Magrathea |
| Confirmed (Extrasolar): An T'ark-Ti'kah | Uncyclopedia | Discworld | Lexicon | Wikipedia | Pizza Planet | Polkadottia |
| Dwarf planets: Ceres | Pluto | 2003 UB313 | |
| Unconfirmed: Garnox | Mantoobia | Unicron |
| Denied by CIA: Irk | Krypton | Michigan | Neopia | Tiamat | Nibiru |
| In a galaxy far, far away: |
| Members of the Federation: Vulcan | Earth | Qo'noS | xxEarth Cxx |
| Loner Planets: Wisconsin | Your Mom |
Chaos Infinity | Chaos 7 | Chaos │ ┌───┴───┐ │ │ Amor═╤═Gaea │ Oranos═╤═Kronos / │ / ┌────┴──────────────────────────────┐ / │ │ / Arceus══╤══Palkia═Dialga══╤══Edward Cullen / Giratina══╪══Mewtwo Nissan Skyline/Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ├────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ clam │ │ │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────────┬─────────┴────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Pacman │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ | Chuck Norris │ Splenda Boy George │ │ | │ bendar George Michael The Beatles │ | Tom Cruise═════╤════Katie Holmes Katie Holmes Michael Jackson Jackson]] | Jackson Browne
v d e Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┬───────────┐ Amor═╤═Gaea Tyber Zann │ │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Kronos╤═Corruption │ │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ └─┐ │ Arceus══╤══Palkia═╪═Dialga══╤══Edward Cullen │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo─┘ Giratina Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┼────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ │ Universe Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother═╤═Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┼────┼──┤ Carl Sagan╧══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell╧═God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan───────────Boxy Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └──Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man │ Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ Cecil │ │ ║ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your mom ║ │ │ │ ╟─────┬──────┐ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ ║ Latios Latias══╤══Ash │ │ │ ║ ┌───┼───┐ Mewtwo │ Transvesta Corruption══╤══Mewtwo OMG WTF BBQ ║ ┌───────┤ │ │ ║ ╚╤Harry Potter═╪═════╤Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley ║ │ │ │ │ ║ Me══╤══...And you... │ │ ║ │ ┌────┘ ┌────┴─────┐ ║ King Ghidorah │ Diabeetis Meow Mix════════════════════════════╤╝ ║ │ ┌────┴─────┐ Food ║ Frankenstein Captain Falcon Sam Fisher ║ │ ╟─┐ ╚╤Frankenstein's Monster│ │ │Gollum Mega Man
