UnWeather

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Unweather)
Jump to: navigation, search
Unweather
Bribery taken

UnWeather is the most reliable weather forecasting source on the interweb. UnWeather uses many other sources and chucks them in the bin because they are always wrong. UnWeather give you the correct forecast you want. UnWeather will detect your current location and then give you an accurate forecast for the area closest to your current location. However for some areas of Russia, Moscow is the closest area. UnWeather also accepts weather bribes. For details please contact UnWeather via the usual E-mail address. UnWeather is currently being bribed by Hoyetii “Art” Emerson.

edit It is currently: The Third Month of Autumn Red leaf

Yesterday Last Night Today Tonight Tomorrow

Windy Windy

Partly moony Partly Moony

Windy Windy

Partly moony Partly Moony

Windy Windy

edit Daytime Temperature for Tomorrow

High: 1000000 Kelvins Low: 1000000 Kelvins

Temp5


edit Probability of fireballs for Tomorrow

Angry gnome

Low There is a small chance of fireballs today, you are advised to keep an eye out.


edit Gnomes per 1000 for The coming week

The average value of Gnomes for the coming week is approx. 880 Gnomes per 1000 Humans. For an exact number of gnomes where you are, hold your cursor over the magic gnome to the right.

edit Server Status

Server Status
MSN

Tick MSN is online.

Aim logo

Tick AIM is online.

ICQ logo

Tick ICQ is online.

edit Heat Index

The BTU is currently worth 1055.0558588 joules on the international market.

edit Other Significant Notes

edit Exposure Surpasses Cancer as Leading Killer Among Smokers

ROCHESTER, New York - Doctors are reporting dramatically increased numbers of cases of exposure, frostbite, and other weather-related health issues among the smoking population. "Patients tell me that they know it's cold, they know they shouldn't be out in it, but they just have to have a puff," said Dr. Lyle Wallen, clearly exasperated, "Then they wind up here in our wards. We've lost twenty-three of them this week, one had a cigarette butt frozen to his lips when he was admitted. It's just ridiculous."

“The homeless guys look at us like we're all prats.”

"I know I shouldn't do it. I smoke at home, in my car, it's all good," explained one patient who refused to give her name, "But those eight hours at work are just unbearable. And there's no place else to go, you gotta go outside. The homeless guys look at us like we're all prats and I can tell you, that's not a self-affirming experience!" Current laws in many states do not allow smoking in public buildings, which has led to company-sponsored indoor smoking areas being closed off. "We used to have a nice smoking lounge, and it didn't hurt nobody. Non-smokers stayed out," said Tyler McLow, "But that's gone. It's stupid, and it ain't fair. And I guess it ain't even safe."

Some companies are attempting to address the issue. "We provide every means for our smoking associates to do so safely," said Quincy Bates, apparently missing the irony. Bates is the Director of Human Resources for IntaWorld Communications. "We are not allowed by law to have an indoor smoking area, but we've allowed our associates to erect a tent behind our facilities where they can smoke out of the wind. I understand if a few of them go out together, it can actually get quite toasty."

For some, the call of the addiction is not strong enough to warrant the trek out into the cold. This has led to an overall increase in productivity through the winter. "I can see no other explanation for it," said one manager of a small manufacturing firm, "Our guys are getting more done because they're not taking as many breaks. We've had a few more accidents that we're used to, and a few fistfights have broken out. That's new for us. But bottom line output is definitely higher. I could do with more months like this!"

Doctors from hospitals around the state agree that with the cold weather and high winds, smokers now find themselves at a higher and certainly more immediate risk from exposure than from the litany of other health problems they've come to expect. "Just another log on the fire," said one smoker, "I'll add it to the list."

Personal tools
projects