Unquotable:Death

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

Jump to: navigation, search
People

Oscar WildeBenjamin FranklinWinston ChurchillAlbert Einstein
Christopher WalkenSun-Tzu
Founding FathersMark Twain
Noel CowardArthur C. Clarke
William ShatnerYoda
Thomas Jefferson AristotleCharles Darwin
VoltaireJohn F. Kennedy
Keanu ReevesWhatnotDan Quayle
Captain ObliviousNietzscheC-3PO

Deities

GodJesus ChristCthulhuSatan

See Also

HamletLast Words
MnemonicsHELPNew User Guide
ManualQuoting Policy

White square
You probably won't be able to see Death in this picture. Only The magically inclined and cats are able to see Death. Normal people don't see what they know isn't there. but how do they know it isn't there if they can't see it?

Death is the anthropomorphic personification of the natural function that is the end of life. Death does not kill, sharp pointy objects, things moving very fast and (above all) time do the killing, Death simply turns up when a person (or anything else) dies. He is completely emotionless but is apparently fond of cats, so kitten huffers beware.

edit Death on his job

  • People are so rarely pleased to see me.
  • It pays to take an interest in people.
  • Suicidal people really love to see me, however i want them to suffer life.
  • I really hate it when people challenge me to a game of chess. I can never remember how the horse shaped ones move.
  • Some people have told me my bedside manner needs some work.

edit Death on life

  • Life is for the living.
  • They say that your life passes in front of your eyes before you die. This is true, it is called 'living'.

edit Death on cricket

  • You play this for fun?
  • But humans only live for 60 or 70 years.

edit Death on the four horsemen

  • War is a nice chap but he does tend to make a lot of work for me.
  • Famine, now that is a nasty way to die, and this is me saying it.
  • I cannot stand having dinner round at pestilence's place, he never washes his hands before cooking.

edit Death ranting about apocalypses

  • You just don't get good apocalypses these days. They used to be about the end of the world, everybody would be wiped out, but with all this globalisation you can now see just how small they were. The world used to consist of you and the next village, you can have a good apocalypse that size, now the world is the entire world. It is just too difficult for someone to organise an apocalypse on that sort of scale so no one bothers. You still get whole villages wiped out from time to time, but it simply isn't an apocalypse if there is a rest of the world to see it.
Personal tools
projects