Unquotable:Arthur C. Clarke

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[[image:Acclarke.jpg|thumb|left|"I ''invented'' the whole Christian suicide-cult scene, man."]]
 
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Famous scientist, inventor, turtle impersonator, author and ''non-[[paedophile]],'' '''[[Arthur C. Clarke]]''' is responsible for inventing everything that exists, as well as several things that do not. Clarke lives quietly with 37 nubile Sri Lankan boys in [[Hot Pants|hot pants]]) on an small island in the Indian Ocean. He spends most of his free time persuading people that he is an author, and not merely a paedophile.
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Famous scientist, inventor, turtle impersonator, author and ''non-[[paedophile]],'' '''Arthur C. Clarke''' is responsible for inventing everything that exists, as well as several things that do not. Clarke lives quietly with 37 nubile Sri Lankan boys in hot pants) on an small island in the Indian Ocean. He spends most of his free time persuading people that he is an author, and not merely a paedophile.
   
 
Clarke is the author of numerous science fiction novels, such as ''Childhood's End'' (1953), ''The Fountains of Paradise'' (1978), and ''Cradle'' (1987), as well as non-fiction works such as ''The Young Traveler in Space'' (1954) and ''Boy Beneath the Sea'' (1958). His many short stories include "Trouble with the Natives" (1951) and "Out of the Cradle, Endlessly Orbiting" (1959).
 
Clarke is the author of numerous science fiction novels, such as ''Childhood's End'' (1953), ''The Fountains of Paradise'' (1978), and ''Cradle'' (1987), as well as non-fiction works such as ''The Young Traveler in Space'' (1954) and ''Boy Beneath the Sea'' (1958). His many short stories include "Trouble with the Natives" (1951) and "Out of the Cradle, Endlessly Orbiting" (1959).
 
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==Clarke on His Many Inventions==
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==Clarke on his many inventions==
   
 
* "My proudest moment came when I invented the first [[Uncyclopedian]]; my darkest, when my work was abused to create the [[Wikipedia|Wikipedian]]."
 
* "My proudest moment came when I invented the first [[Uncyclopedian]]; my darkest, when my work was abused to create the [[Wikipedia|Wikipedian]]."
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* "The funny thing is, when I invented [[Christianity]], I wasn't entirely serious."
 
* "The funny thing is, when I invented [[Christianity]], I wasn't entirely serious."
   
* "I invented [[Roger Ebert]] because the initial responses to [[2001]] weren't favorable."
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==Clarke on himself==
 
* "Some people believe that H.G. Wells had a major influence upon my style. That is only partially true since I invented him, along with every other notable Science Fiction Writers."
 
 
* "Yes, Thomas Edison did invent the lightbulb and 1092 other odd things. But guess who invented Edison?"
 
 
* “I got around the main problem of inventing the tele-communications satellite by inventing outer space and everything that appears there in. Although between you, I and the gatepost I had myself a little rest on the seventh day in – following its invention by me of course!”
 
 
==Clarke on Himself==
 
   
 
* "I can unequivocably state that I am, in fact, an ''author,'' and not a [[paedophile]] &mdash; although I did ''invent'' paedophilia."
 
* "I can unequivocably state that I am, in fact, an ''author,'' and not a [[paedophile]] &mdash; although I did ''invent'' paedophilia."
   
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==Clarke on others==
==Clarke on Other People==
 
   
 
* "Before me, people merely dreamed of [[Stanley Kubrick]]."
 
* "Before me, people merely dreamed of [[Stanley Kubrick]]."
   
* "[[Isaac Asimov]] is, in reality, based on something I had invented a few years previously."
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* "Isaac Asimov is, in reality, based on something I had invented a few years previously."
 
* "[[Harlan Ellison]] really is such a little snot."
 
 
* "I invented [[Philip K. Dick]]."
 
   
 
* "If I didn't exist, I would have invented myself."
 
* "If I didn't exist, I would have invented myself."
   
* "Even if I didn't invent it, I'm sure I would have invented it, anyway."
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* "[[Al Gore]] likes to claim that he invented the [[internet]], but in fact, I invented [[Al Gore]] following my futile attempts at inventing '''[[Dan Quayle]] 2.0.''' Oh, and I invented the internet, too."
 
* ''[[Al Gore]] likes to claim that he invented the [[internet]], but in fact, I invented [[Al Gore]] following my futile attempts at inventing '''[[Dan Quayle]] 2.0.''' Oh, and I invented the internet, too."
 
   
 
* "I’m going to fucking ''invent'' that guy... I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking invent [[Steve Ballmer]]."
 
* "I’m going to fucking ''invent'' that guy... I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking invent [[Steve Ballmer]]."
   
==Clarke on Fashion==
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==Clarke on fashion==
   
 
* "I was the first person to make looking like a pale, balding turtle fashionable."
 
* "I was the first person to make looking like a pale, balding turtle fashionable."
   
* "History shows that it was I who invented [[Hot Pants]], and that my boys have been wearing them since 1952."
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* "History shows that it was I who invented hot pants, and that my boys have been wearing them since 1952."
 
==Clarke on Things That Tingle==
 
 
* "Hmm, my spider-sense&trade; is tingling."
 
 
* "Hmm, my idiot-sense&trade; is also tingling."
 
 
* "It ''is'' a fact that I did, in 1948, invent the first [[Good thing|good thing]]. I should also add that it tingled."
 
 
* "Hmm, I'm getting that Fimbling Feeling&trade;."
 
   
 
==Clarke on PCP==
 
==Clarke on PCP==
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* "I’m going to fucking ''bury'' those people, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill [[everything]]."
 
* "I’m going to fucking ''bury'' those people, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill [[everything]]."
   
==Clarke on 2001==
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==See also==
* "I invented that year"
 
* "I'm sorry Dave; you can't invent that because I already did! Oh yeah and I can read lips; which I invented. So I'm gonna throw your sorry arse into space; which I invented"
 
   
==Clarke on ''2001:A Space Odyssey''==
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* [[2001: A Space Odyssey]]
*"What a load of shit that was. Now I have to write a book EXPLAINING that bollocks!"
 
*"Kubrick, come 'ere, I'll punch yer fuckin' lights out!"
 
   
==See Also==
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{{Science fiction}}
 
* [[2001: A Space Odyssey]]
 
* [[2001|2001: A Lace Bodice-ey]]
 
* [[AAAAAAAAA!]]
 
   
 
[[Category:British writers]]
 
[[Category:British writers]]

Latest revision as of 15:54, April 6, 2014

“Kubrick was a talentless bum. That whole movie was my idea. And you remember the apes, in the beginning? That's right - I was the smart one, third from the right.”
~ Arthur C. Clarke on Stanley Kubrick

Acclarke

"I invented the whole Christian suicide-cult scene, man."

People

Oscar WildeBenjamin FranklinWinston ChurchillAlbert Einstein
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Yoda

"Invented science-fiction movie special effects, he did."

Famous scientist, inventor, turtle impersonator, author and non-paedophile, Arthur C. Clarke is responsible for inventing everything that exists, as well as several things that do not. Clarke lives quietly with 37 nubile Sri Lankan boys in hot pants) on an small island in the Indian Ocean. He spends most of his free time persuading people that he is an author, and not merely a paedophile.

Clarke is the author of numerous science fiction novels, such as Childhood's End (1953), The Fountains of Paradise (1978), and Cradle (1987), as well as non-fiction works such as The Young Traveler in Space (1954) and Boy Beneath the Sea (1958). His many short stories include "Trouble with the Natives" (1951) and "Out of the Cradle, Endlessly Orbiting" (1959).

edit Clarke on his many inventions

  • "My proudest moment came when I invented the first Uncyclopedian; my darkest, when my work was abused to create the Wikipedian."
  • "Much has been made of the fact that my invention of the petrol-driven engine revolutionized the 20th century."
  • "In Soviet Russia, everything invents me!"
  • "Without me, you see, the Dark Ages would never have come into being."
  • "The funny thing is, when I invented Christianity, I wasn't entirely serious."

edit Clarke on himself

  • "I can unequivocably state that I am, in fact, an author, and not a paedophile — although I did invent paedophilia."

edit Clarke on others

  • "Isaac Asimov is, in reality, based on something I had invented a few years previously."
  • "If I didn't exist, I would have invented myself."
  • "Al Gore likes to claim that he invented the internet, but in fact, I invented Al Gore following my futile attempts at inventing Dan Quayle 2.0. Oh, and I invented the internet, too."
  • "I’m going to fucking invent that guy... I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking invent Steve Ballmer."

edit Clarke on fashion

  • "I was the first person to make looking like a pale, balding turtle fashionable."
  • "History shows that it was I who invented hot pants, and that my boys have been wearing them since 1952."

edit Clarke on PCP

  • "I’m going to fucking bury those people, I have done it before, and I will do it again. I’m going to fucking kill everything."

edit See also

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