University of South Carolina
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
|University of South Carolina-Columbia|
In Cock We Trust
|Motto||Take out your cock and make it learn to love.|
|Head||Dr. Andrew Cox|
|Location||Columbia, South Carolina, United States|
|Campus||Urban, 358 acres (144 hectares)|
The University of South Carolina, Columbia (USC or Carolina) is a public, co-educational, sexual university usually located in Columbia, South Carolina, United States. It is easily accessible from Inter-hell-states 20, 26 and 77.
Originally founded in 1801, as the College of Cockfighting, it was “re-founded” in 1960 to become what is known as the University of South Carolina. Where as the old College of Cockfighting only offered one major (Cockfighting BA ,Cockfighting Masters and, Doctorate of Cockfighting) the University of South Carolina offers more than 350 programs of study (including Fuck 101).
The University was founded as College of Cockfighting on December 19, 1801 by an act of the General Assembly. The establishment of a publicly funded college at the capital was intended to unite cockfighters from all over the world. On January 10, 1805, C of C had an initial enrollment of 9 students, the college commenced classes with a cockfighter’s curriculum. Other than that, very little is known about the College of Cockfighting except that in 1955 it only had 125 students.
In 1960, the institution was rechartered as the University of South Carolina which immediately caused that amount of student to jump up to 15,000. For the next several decades, USC added colleges and programs to offer a more comprehensive curriculum. For example the It became a statewide university during the 1970s by establishing campuses in communities throughout South Carolina.
During the late 60s Columbia City Council saw an influx of hundreds of thousand of ugly and/or douche-bag fratboys. An attempt was made by the Sultan of South Carolina to get rid of all these undesirables, but the local kids just wouldn't have it. So on March 11, 1972; the most deadly anti-popped-collar loser riot to have ever take place destroyed 98% of the University of South Carolina killing 4,000 of their pathetic students. Also, they demolished the architectural masterpiece of the Cock Bowl which was a 117,000 seat football stadium built in 1964.
USC celebrated its 40th anniversary in 2000 with a series of events held throughout the year from January 10 to December 19. For example, FuckFest sponsored by (Samuel Adams) was a rave held from September 10, 2000 - September 23, 2000. The whole school was turned into one big fucking party with trance music everywhere!!!
edit Application Info
- Application Fee: $2,500
- 3 High-resolution pictures of your “Gamecock”(dick) for males, 5 full body high-resolution pictures for females.
- A copy of your workout
- List of Sports you’ve played with each coach’s signature.
- A Physical
- GPA and class rank (not really important)
- SAT and ACT (not really important either)
- Acceptance Fee: $12,000 (if you get accepted)
All costs are to be paid in cash before each year is started. These costs may seem high but many students from the state of South Carolina are easily able to afford it without financial aid.
- Tuition (per year): Instate-$14 Out of State- $ Someone out of state wants to go here?
- Room/Board: $Cost of tent, sleeping bag, pans, and water cleaner
- Books: $24,000 (We don't use books.
Classified as highly selective USC admitted less than 11% of those who applied to be Freshmen in 2005. When admitting male Freshmen, the university puts emphases on “How tall your gamecock is”, it is required that your cock be at least be 2” tall and 4" wide to be accepted to USC. Also, admissions officers require that your cock have multiple diseases or else you will be automatically denied admission. Each applicant is inspected by a licensed Cockhandler to verify acceptability. For a female Freshman, you must be an inbred, dike with no teeth. Taken into account for both male and females Freshman is the rigor of high school smoking, whether or not you were skilled at sneaking out of class to smoke. It also considers number of times arrested, jail sentences served and yankees shived.
edit Honors college
Carolina is home to the nationally recognized South Carolina Honors College, which is designed to offer athletic and sexually gifted undergraduates the advantages of a small college in the setting of a large metropolitan university. After gaining acceptance to the University, students must apply separately to the Honors College and demonstrate significant athletic and sexually achievement to be accepted. Entering male freshman in the program can fuck for 1 hour before releasing, squat 450lb, run a 4.4 second non-wind aided 40-yard time, and run a for 4 minute mile. Entering females can squat 260lb, run a 4.9 second 40-yard time (aided by a 15 knot tailwind), and they know the best way to handle a cock.
There are over 120 courses offered exclusively to Honors College students. This includes the Endurance Fucking Course which teaches its student how to fuck for 5 hours straight. Students are required to complete a 3 hour Fuck Session with a very sexy faculty member in order to graduate from the College with Honors.
edit Sexual Nature
Carolina is the only university in South Carolina to be designated an institution of "very sexual nature" by Playboy. This classification is the highest honor possible, given to only 3 other public universities (Oregon State University and University of Texas, Austin and Longwood University) and 1 private sexual institution (University of Southern California) in the United States. This reputation has attracted scholars such as Fuck 101 professor: Doctor Fuck (from University of Southern California) and International Fucking professor: Ben Dover (from Amsterdam University).
edit National rankings
|Playboy||# 1||Undergraduate Introduction to Fucking 10th consecutive year|
|# 1||STD research program|
|# 1||Cock Handling program|
|# 1||International Fucker PhD program|
|# 2||Pornographic Acting program|
|# 2|| Fuck PhD program |
(17th consecutive year as either # 1 or # 2)
|# 3||Fuck Master program|
|# 3||Rave program|
|# 3||Love Schools|
|Penthouse Magazine||Top 50||Schools in porn|
|Sports Illustrated||# 1||Baseball program|
|# 13||Soccer programs|
|# 20||Football program|
edit Student life
Approximately 35,000 students attend the University of South Carolina, Columbia. (Another 11,000 students study at the regional campuses of the University of South Carolina System.) Enrollment statistics for the Fall 2005 indicate the following:
- Undergraduates 77%, Graduates 19%, Professionals 4%
- Males 40%, Females 60%
- Full-time 100%, Part-time 0%
- Residents 95%, Non-residents 5%
- Minorities 35.5%
- Bros 45%, Hoes 50%, Other 5%
USC currently provides over 12,000 housing units on campus. All freshmen live on campus, as do many other students and faculty. Since demand for on-campus housing continues to grow, the University is in the process of adding more fuck halls, most of which will be suite-style. Popular off-campus housing includes apartments at Cock Suites and University Commons.
edit Extracurricular activities
Students may participate in any of the 300 registered student organizations and can have a voice in the University's administration by election to and service in student government.
Carolina Productions is a student organization responsible for providing diverse pornographic programs, entertainment, and special events for the University. It is composed of seven commissions, each of which concentrates on separate kinds of porn.
There is an editorially independent student porno-newspaper, "The Daily Gamecock", which is published Monday through Friday during the fall and spring semesters. The Daily Gamecock has a readership of more than 30,000 fans of the cock.
Students tend to socialize off campus in Clubland and the Congaree Vista. Both of these areas are within walking distance of campus and offer raves, alcohol, cafes, and a variety of local entertainment.
Males tend to take their cock out and hold it in their hands aching to have it pet, they are very rarely rejected like at Clemson University, were students are afraid of cock.
The Head Coach of any South Carolina athletics team automatically has to have the biggest “gamecock” on the team (not for female athletics). So, Steve Spurrier had to spend $40,000 on his cock to make it 20” tall, when he decided to coach Gamecock football.
edit Recent accomplishments
- USC-affiliated athletes won seventy medals at the 2004 Olympic Games.
- At the end of 2006, Sexy female students from the University of South Carolina's Master of Fuck program, fucked both the Clemson Tigers and Houston Cougars football players for about 7 hours straight on the night before their games against The Gamecocks. This caused the Gamecocks to win both games.
- Smokeing with Michael Phelps then Proceeding to Rat him out Award