University of California
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- Strength: 18/12
- Intelligence: 9
- Wisdom: 8
- Charisma: 16
Berkeley is a chaotic neutral thief/barbarian. It has a +2 Rod of Lordly Might, which comes in handy for smiting wayward hippies, however, its unstable alignment makes it dangerous to have at your back.
- Strength: 18% alcohol by volume.
- Nose: plummy, hints of oak, kiwifruit, and cut grass.
- Flavour: mildly acid with deep tannin structure.
- Mouth feel: gritty.
Davis can be enjoyed now, but will improve with age. It has been proven to cause cancer in fewer than 5 percent of rats.
- Strength: 10
- Intelligence: 20
- Dexterity: 22
- Constitution: 16
Irvine is a level 20 Elvish Wizard. It possesses the Amulet of Yendor, which grants it the power to teleport out of the Community Portal at will, but also drains 10 magic points per turn. Irvine is powerful, but beware, only one of you can leave the Portal with the Amulet.
UC Los Angeles
- Strength: resists physical attacks well.
- Weakness: easily harmed by cold.
- Special Ability: berserker frenzy.
To activate UCLA's berserker frenzy, wait until Raiden appears, then jerk the joystick left while pressing all the buttons in sequence with the theme music. This will only work if you fight Raiden before level 5. If you reach level 5 and have not seen Raiden, your best bet is to demand a refund.
- Strength: ability to curl up into a little ball to defend itself from predators.
- Weakness: vulnerable to bright lights.
- Special Ability: sonar.
Merced is well camoflaged in its own habitat, and able to endure long periods without water. If you are trapped, you can throw it at your enemies and retrieve it later.
- Special Ability: good with children.
- Other Features: broad powerful shoulders, winning smile, manly chest.
- Height: 6 foot 2 inches
UC San Diego
- Atomic Mass: 88.3
- Atomic Number: 45
UCSD is the second transition metal of the fifth period. It is relatively inert, but mildly radioactive, and decays back into Riverside with a half-life of 1.3 million years. Its main uses are in the tobacco industry, as a catalyst, and to coat the outer surface of Michael Jackson. It is otherwise completely useless.
UC San Francisco
- Surface Temperature: 50 degrees Kelvin.
- Composition: mostly liquid hydrogen with occasional ammonia crystals and a hard rocky core.
- Weather: blustery.
UC Santa Barbara
- Habitat: under the bark of trees, in small crevices, and, where conditions are wet enough, the forest floor.
- Breeding: lays one pale blue egg, typically in a pile of decomposing vegetable matter.
- Call: an intense tintinnabulating drone.
UC Santa Barbara is small enough to carry around with you, but its soft body can easily be inadventently damaged. You would be well advised to store it in a rigid case. Speak to it and caress it frequently, and it will emit cooing sounds of delight.
UC Santa Cruz
- Weight: 2 kilos, but seems much lighter.
- Shape: roughly cubical.
- Composition: a mysterious silvery metal.
UC Santa Cruz was found under the face of a retreating glacier. When humans touch it, they are able to see distant things very clearly, and read the minds of others. With these visions come others - some of things long past, some of things that are yet to be - but these visions are unclear and disturbing. Frequent contact with Santa Cruz extends life far beyond its natural span, but also leaves one with unbearable longings, as if for a world that no longer exists.
- Strength: Look, we all know you're going to have to transfer out in season seven, so let's make things simple and choose another campus right now, k?
Whenever you do anything at night, roll on the encounter table to see what vampire or nasty creature attacks you. On a roll of 4 on a d4 Buffy also appears. If this is season four, military vampire hunters appear on a roll of 6 on a d6. You die. You become a vampire. Go play Call of Cthulhu.
When you have a degree from each of the UC campuses, you may combine them to form Voltron. Voltron has all of the powers of each campus, and none of the weaknesses. To form Voltron, pile your degree certificates together, and point the apex of your power crystal at them. When it begins to glow, raise your arms vertically above your head, and shout "By Gorthaur's hammer, you will be avenged!"
At this point Voltron should appear. If he does not, go back and make sure you completed all eleven degrees. Check that you activated UCLA's berserker frenzy before level 5, that Santa Barbara is still alive, and that Irvine's amulet was not a cheap plastic imitation.
You may only form Voltron once every 500 turns. Do not do so until your need is great.