Universe
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
The UniverseTMTMTMTMTMTMTMTM is everything.
The Universe is 100,013,700,100,125 years old, however many modern anarchists believe it to be created 2,000 years ago.
It's also all that stuff which isn't really anything but contains everything else. That's the Universe. Really, it's quite impressive when you think about. I mean, if you're anywhere, the chances are it's some where in the Universe. If you're anywhere. Now that is large. You thought that rudeboy down by the chemist implied yo momma was fat? Well that's just tasty M&S cashew nuts to the Universe. The CIA believes the Universe's total population to be around six-and-a-half billion, plus (quite possibly illegal) aliens. Most of these intelligent consciousnesses are to be found on a planet called America and its surrounding space programs, while the infinite void of space stretches forever into the night. An onamatopeic thought. Anyway, it's an unfortunate fact that there are no means of escaping the Universe, so if you don't like that friend, you can suck Howard stern's Dick.
Contents |
[edit] Origin of The Universe
The Universe was first created as a setting for the 1950s Broadway musical, Uh, What's The Deal? starring Micky Macarony and has since served as a medium of physical space in which all objects exist. For its contribution, Uh, What's The Deal? was given 5 Tony awards including "Theatrical Production of the Year" and "Best Cast." Numerous songs of the musical, pending the outcome of a law suit, will be featured on the 2009 Dolly Parton release, Uh, What's The Deal: Selected Numbers From The Musical.
Alternative Hypothesis: My ex-wife(s) exploded after eating so much and getting so FAT. Feminine shades of Monty Python's Mr. Creasote may be the origin of the Universe.
Different theory on origins of the universe lie with the great multinosed multidimensional space slug sneezing and spewing out all time, matter and space along with a few bogies, the best know to be the USA.
[edit] Science
That, of course, is bull-fighting-shit(crap(poop(human wastes))). No, there's not a God; yes, your holy book's no more coherent than the collected verse of Edward Lear and no, you won't conquer us in your Holy War. Fuck off, ok? What really happened was this: The Big Bang. There was a great big huge world-making dimension-shaking bang. Except of course it wasn't big, it was infinitismally small. Details, my auto-manufacturing friend, details. Anyway, our un-aptly and quite frankly ineptly titled fireball, much like an unstable South American economy, underwent a sudden period of hyper-inflation. So, in marginally less time than Usain Bolt could run a nano-metre at full pelt, sub-atomic particles formed, matter defeated anti-matter and Hugh Grant established himself as the archetypal bumbling Brit. In the aeons that have followed our Universe has expanded, cooled, caught VD, and allowed stars and atoms to form, though probably not in that order.
[edit] Population of the Universe
"It is known that there are an infinite number of worlds, simply because there is an infinite amount of space for them. However, not every one of them is inhabited. Therefore, there must be a finite number of inhabited worlds. Any finite number divided by infinity is as near to nothing as makes no odds, so the average population of all the planets in the Universe can be said to be zero. From this it follows that the population of the whole Universe is also zero, and that any people you may meet from time to time are merely the products of a deranged imagination" a quote from the hitchhikers guide to the galaxy
[edit] The end of the Universe
“My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fibre and that I am therefore excused from saving universes.”
~ Superman on Saving the Universe
Here too there is a divergence of opinion. Religions like to dredge up their old God character who will judge us, snide and arrogant shit that he is, sending us either to heaven or to hell based upon the sudokus we did in life. Scientists maintain that something else will happen, but whatever it is it won't involve a supernatural being or a popular number game. Another theory involving Pokemon states that Palkia will end the Universe. One theory is known as the Big Crunch: basically the same as the Big Bang, only in cereal form. Another alternative, should dark energy overcome the forces of gravity, is the Open Universe, where expansion is eternal and we reach the point that we are all so spread out that Marilyn Manson's mouth will no longer be able to reach his own cock and all physical interactions cease, breaking down the fabric of reality. Still, better than the heat death of the Universe. All I can tell you for now is that you should never, ever come between a woman and that damned magazine...
[edit] See Also
- Heat Death of the Universe
- Universe (musical)
- Unification of The Universe
- HowTo:End the Universe
- Life,
- The Universe
- And
- Everything,
- The History of the Universe
- Dr. Robotnik
[edit] External links
Chaos Infinity | Chaos 7 | Chaos │ ┌───┴───┐ │ │ Amor═╤═Gaea │ Oranos═╤═Kronos / │ / ┌────┴──────────────────────────────┐ / │ │ / Arceus══╤══Palkia═Dialga══╤══Edward Cullen / Giratina══╪══Mewtwo Nissan Skyline/Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ├────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ clam │ │ │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────────┬─────────┴────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother Wyatt══╤══Pacman │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┐ │ Carl Sagan═══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └───Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man Cecil Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ │ │ │ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your Mom │ │ │ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ │ │ │ Mewtwo │ Transvesta │ │ │ | Chuck Norris │ Splenda Boy George │ │ | │ bendar George Michael The Beatles │ | Tom Cruise═════╤════Katie Holmes Katie Holmes Michael Jackson Jackson]] | Jackson Browne
v d e Chaos ┌───┴───┐ Chaos═╤═Chaos ┌───┴───┬───────────┐ Amor═╤═Gaea Tyber Zann │ │ ┌───Oranos═╤═Kronos╤═Corruption │ │ │ │ ┌────┴────┐ └─┐ │ Arceus══╤══Palkia═╪═Dialga══╤══Edward Cullen │ Chaos══╪══Mewtwo─┘ Giratina Aphrodite/Venus══╪══Oscar Wilde (see here) │ ┌─────────────┼────────────────────────────┐ │ │ │ │ Universe Clam │ Aphrodite════╪════Hermes │ │ │ ┌──Hermaphrodite ┌──────┬────────────┬─────┴───┬──────────────┬──────────────┤ ├───────────┐ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Sonic Zeus════╤════Hera══╤══This Guy═╤═J. Neutron═╤═Fairy Godmother═╤═Wyatt══╤══Poseidon │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ ┌────────┬────────┴───┐ │ └────┼────┼──┤ Carl Sagan╧══╤═══Anonymous │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ Pacman══╤══Mr. Love══╤══Hermes ├───Antithe Tinkerbell╧═God═════╤════Virgin Mary═══╤═══Chronos │ │ │ ├───Athe │ │ Mothra═╤═Oscar Wilde Peter Pan─────┼───Pan───────────Boxy Original Jesus═══╤═══Mary Magdalene ┌───┴────┬──────┬─────┐ └──Peter Griffin │ │ │ │ │ │ │ │ PS Man │ Gene Ray │ ...and we all know what happened next │ │ Cecil │ │ ║ Godzilla═╤═Google │ Goa Tse═══════╤═══Your mom ║ │ │ │ ╟─────┬──────┐ Mozilla Firefox═╤═Mew ┌────┴─────┐ ║ Latios Latias══╤══Ash │ │ │ ║ ┌───┼───┐ Mewtwo │ Transvesta Corruption══╤══Mewtwo OMG WTF BBQ ║ ┌───────┤ │ │ ║ ╚╤Harry Potter═╪═════╤Splenda═╤═Wilford Brimley ║ │ │ │ │ ║ Me══╤══...And you... │ │ ║ │ ┌────┘ ┌────┴─────┐ ║ King Ghidorah │ Diabeetis Meow Mix════════════════════════════╤╝ ║ │ ┌────┴─────┐ Food ║ Frankenstein Captain Falcon Sam Fisher ║ │ ╟─┐ ╚╤Frankenstein's Monster│ │ │Gollum Mega Man
