From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
“I'm Uncertain about them.”
The United Nations or 'UN' was set up after WW2 and Hitler in an effort to stop anyone else trying to take over the world. The goals of the UN include: Trying to take over the world, corruption, prostitution, pedophilla, taxing the air, pedophobia, people trafficking, dikephobia, war, famine, genocide, and failing to actually fix anything when they had the chance.
Former present UN Secretary Kofi Annan (the dude that looked like Morgan Freeman) firmly denied charges that the organization was corrupt and pointless, often pointing out that the UN Coat of Arms is identical to that of the Soviet Union (see right), and that David Rockefeller personally paid for the UN head quarters building using his own money, and that he arranging the builders to build the building. As such everything will be just fine.
Motto and Mission
The motto of the UN is "Standing proud in complacency", which replaced the less catchy "Good intentions, bad results" in 1996. Its current mission is: "To foster the growth of the world's bureaucracies while developing innovative methods for our member nations to disguise corruption as humanitarian aid". This is quite a departure from its founding principle of "Allowing third world idiots to park on the streets of your town wherever they damn well please".
The United Nations was founded by the victors of WW2 and France. There are 452 Members in the United Nations. Although Article 192(A)(1)(ii)(f) of the strongly worded Constitution states that all Members are equal, the opinions of 5 of the Members are the most important. These 5 members are (in alphabetical order): the United States of America, the Kingdom of McDonalds, the Central African Republic, Angelina Jolie and Slobodan Milosevic. The latter two, although not being eligible for membership in the UN, were invited to join by the Former Present UN Secretary after popular demonstrations in the overpopulated Island State of Nauru.
"Democracy everywhere (at our discretion)" is the internal motto of the Members of the United Nations.
At meetings of the General Assembly, the Members begin by singing their respective national anthems simultaneously, in a wondrous display of dissonance. As one would imagine, the General Assembly is a room filled with lively debate. Being in existence for almost two centuries, the GA is the most authoritative voice in the Universe. Its decisions, usually made by the winner of an extremely sophisticated game of rock-paper-scissors, have changed the world in a drastic manner.
Corruption Bribery Money Theft "Funding" (amen!)
There are these things called "Commission payments"... In the event that something happens in the world such as well, say, you've got a country that has been unfairly punished by the U.N. because they disagree with your God-given right to send militias to rape and murder by the multitude, the wicked UN will then often send a strongly worded letter, although this sometimes is not the case as few countries are willing to spring for the postage; Africa for example can't even afford poverty. Europe spent all its cash on making France more annoying to deter American tourists, the Middle East is busy buying bombs, and China and Russia are too busy with their respective empires to pay anyone. If finances are not available to post the letter, the U.N. may decide to impose sanctions, which are easier and far less typing.
"Sanctions" (or as they are known in France "opportunités d'affaires") can be pesky things, interfering with your power base and preventing you from securing enough equipment to continue your genocidal activities. Well, don't worry. All you need to do is contact a representative of the French, Australian, Canadian, Russian or most definitely American governments, who will gladly accept your
bribes kickbacks commission payments in exchange for breaking ignoring bypassing those pesky sanctions.
No more nukes, dudes!!!!
“Uncyclopedia embarrasses itself the most when it attempts self referential humour”Although when used in conjunction with techniques such as subliminal messaging, neurolinguistic programming and frequency manipulation television can be very effective at brain washing it does not pack the punch it once did. In these modern times the kids are starting to get used to it all, and propaganda wizards within the UN have become more subtle, turning to Uncyclopedia for their next final solution.
A far more potent formula above television is the false left/right paradigm created by Uncyclopedia and her sister site Conservipedia. Together they create a false impression of reality with the kids thinking they are getting somewhere because their article on the UN looks nicer than the one on the other wiki. The adults are still arguing about voting for the left wing of the eagle or the right wing, meanwhile not noticing that both wings are actually connected to the same fucking great enormous bird which has just swooped down and nicked all the stuff worth having.
So I hope you understand it kids! Uncyclopedia is part of the problem and is making it worse, and you, yes you can help. Go write an article about it right now!
United Nations, Province of China
The United Nations recognizes the sovereign status of Taiwan, which the PRC still insists on calling "the Republic of China" as a renegade province. However, the U.N. recognizes the sovereignty of the Vatican and the Palestine Authority. This leads to one inescapable conclusion: if George Soros succeeds in wresting control of the Trilateral Commission from the Queen of England, it's only a matter of time before the Bilderbergers roll their tanks into your living room and seize the remote control.
- It owns the CIA.
- It's got black helicopters and shit.
- It could feed the whole planet if it wanted.
- American school children use CIA websites when needing help with Chuck Norris related homework, learning how to stalk girls and taking drugs.
- The Chinese want to buy it.
- It is international law for any film involving an alien or terrorist threat to have an overhead shot of its headquarters.
- UN Beekeepers
- Khmer Rouge
- United Nations Charter
- New World Order
- Kofi Annan
- League of Nations
- Franklin Delano Roosevelt