United Arab Emirates

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“Is this supposed to be United Arab Emirates?!! Where the f*&^ are the Arabs? I now officially rename this country as the United Pakistani Emirates! ”

~ UN General Secretary angry at the false advertising of the country in tourist brochures and the false name the Emiratis submitted to the Official Registry of Nations in New York

الإمارات العربية المتحدة
United Arab Emirates
UAE

‎ (Flag) (Coat of Arms)
Motto: Kill, Throw, Hide
Anthem: "Throw the money Down the Well"
Capital	Mumbai
Previous capital	Takhar Province
Largest city	Bur-jeing
Official languages	Indian, Urdu
Government	Money-Free giving state.
National Hero(es)	Master Cheif
Declaration
Currency	Dirham burham
Religion	Deira City Center-84% Dubai's Jails-5%, Islam-10%,Others-1%
Area	249 000 916 inches
Major exports	Oil.
Major imports	Western Bull$hit, Prostitutes, Indians, Phillipin-hoes.

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to United Arab Emirates.

The United Arab Emirates, is a nation purely socialist whose government was established under the leadership of two gods (Michael Jackson and Tlaloc) following the union of the seven samurais. On 2 December 1971, the six-pack states became a federation like a Covenant (in Halo).[4] The UAE, is a pile of sand located on the Persian Gulf with some extremely hip, tall, and shiny buildings. Though the highly sanctimonious some communists consider it an Arab country, it is largely inhabited by South asians with; either pointy eyes or/ and ridiculous accents. UAE became a very rich country since discoveries of excessive oilhowever since the camels of UAE returned to their abode within the deserted plains of Arabia, UAE has relied on it's tourism. This consists of bamboozling white people to stay in hotels of fake gold and providing them with a fantastic night life. In addition to the pointless above the UAE became a international golf professionals, hideous architecture, and immense amounts of camel dung and a very attractive country ruled by an imaginary ruler called Sheikh Burt bin Eduhm Al Afganistani, better known as Sheikh George bin laden.

[edit] History

Billions years ago, before dinosaurs were extinct an alien spacecraft landed somewere in the UAE desert. The Aliens, who ruled over established 7 colonies under the disguise of an emirate and created a secret covenant. Arabs then started settling in and making trouble. it was not until 1971 when the aliens (who also made the surgury for micheal jackson), falsly annonced the establishment of a federation(to cover up their secret identity). Arabs continued on making trouble by fighting with each other. After much fighting and bestiality rendezvous with reluctant Arabs, the camels decided to move on and give way to Indians and Other oriental people and a machine called land cruisers, the pimp mobiles of UAE. The rest as they say is a mass of buildings.

Around the 18 hundreds Dubai almost became a planet of its own where an unidentifiable species would grow from the ground and detach itself when fully grown. These 'animals' soon began to escape there home location migrating all over the world. After some time the situation became drastic and other surrounding countries decided to move in and eliminate the species for good. After several months of planning and some 100,000 or so small trees for breakfast lunch and dinner, the attack was made by the rest of the world and the animal became 'extinct' although many have claimed to have seen creatures fitting a similar description competing in Olympic games, these sightings however are rare and quite possibly a big fat load of bullsh*t. It is however believed by some that the animal managed to survive the mass attack by hiding under camels and that it now continues to live by disguising itself as a emeritae.

[edit] Geography

A division of US ports Administration

Lost in the sand, discovered by US Marine Capt. Chuck Norris, sighted while delivering a roundhouse kick to a Bedouin in Oman. While stumbling forth across the borders, he blundered into a tent and was offered Machboos by a shepherd's wife, which he ate gratefully.

[edit] Current news

The people of UAE have too much cash in the ass and are always bored so they often turn into Prostitutes. when some are bored they come up with very brilliant ideas such as making a 2000m buildings or making islands on water in the shape of a palm tree and world islands. The island booking has attracted people across the world and is now filled with the long que of the beggars from Hollywood including David Beckham. The Emirati people also have a very great challenge to other countries, when they see that some one with a higher building than them they go like "No problem, take 3 billion and build a nice 5000m building in 2 days, get slaves from Malu land". The UAE is also notable that they give away money to the poor and building schools and hospitals all over the poor countries to show how money-free giving they really are.

The UAE is notable in the fact although it is a fantastic country to drive in , with cheap petrol and cheap cars, although it is the hardest country in the world to get a driving license. 4 million lessons must be completed and you are required to fail at least 1 million times, the only person who has managed to pass did so in 1981. Not to mention the very sweet traffic were 5000 cars are required to pass through one lane and the risk of having your car detained for at least 30 days for passing a red light.

[edit] Internet Censorship

Internet is blocked in the UAE. Most sites experience overwhelming amounts of ████████████. This is due to ████████ being a ██████ and a big fat ███████████er. Sites that include ██████ography, Jews, your views and other ██████. Typically this may result in violent ██████ ████████████with harsher ██████ing from the ██████████████████.

In music stores all across the country, Shakira, Pink, Ashantee, and all other sexy woman have their chest, arms, legs and other flesh bearing areas coulored in- in perminasnt marker. All woman are covered in black dresses except for Filipino women and there's only so much wanking you can do thinking about the Filipinos.

[edit] Emirates

Normal civilian house in Abu Dhabi.

The United Arab Emirates is made up from 7 emirates.

1. Abu Dhabi *Most greedy, plus own the country for some off reason*
   
2. Dubai *Also very greedy, build the burj al burj burj burj burj something or other burj towers*
   
3. Sharjah *Less greedy, with terrible traffic heading to Dubai just to visit the burj al burj burj burj burj something or other burj towers*
   
4. Ajman *Less greedy, contains absolutely nothing remarkable except a mutated camel*
   
5. Um Al-Quwain *Least greedy, contains a cheaper alternative to Wild Wadi which gives you weird plastic burns*
   
6. Ras Al Khaimah *No one lives here, its near the mountains, Mangoatcamel ate everyone *
   
7. Fujairah *See above, but has an amazing Iranian restaurant that resembles a hotel out of The Flintstones. *
   

[edit] New projects

Up coming projects for the UAE, mostly located in Dubai.

• Over 9,000 mini-islands shaped to form islands in the shape of your mom's big fat pussy that has herpes.
• Dubai Land, A pile of sand that is 9,000 times bigger than Disney.
• World biggest Jail, what happens in Dubai, stays in Dubai's jails.
• Universal studio, where all the great characters(like Supperman, Bathman, Taarzan etc.) will alive again.
• A 5000 floor McDonald's (largest in the world).
• The biggest child in the world (Name- Sean Gibson).
• The largest melon in the world.
• A building that is so high it will never be finished. (Completion date: 2121).
• A house made entirely out of $1,000 dollar bills.
• A big pile of shit.
• The biggest hand in the world. (outstreched for the credit crunch)
• The biggest National debt in the world (see hand above)