Unfomercials: New Shiatsu Massage Chair
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Advertising actor, speaking to audience: Hello! How's everybody doing?
Advertising actor: One of you today will WIN the new Shiatsu Massage Chair FREE!
Advertising actor: Okay, I'm gonna show you guys some of the chair's features.
(Actor turns to projector screen)
Unseen voice over projector: The Shiatsu Massage Chair is a new breakthrough from QuickSpa, the best way to obtain spa-style treatments at home. The chair incudes:
- A rolling ball massage design, with comfort spikes made of metal for the ultimate in relaxation and comfort.
- Unadjustable seat, with a 90 degree angle, to relax the back and
seethesoothe the muscles.
- Soothing heat, of 10,000 degrees Fahrenheit to add to the comforting experience.
- Did we mention that the chair is in no way lethal?
Advertising actor: Wow! looks amazing, huh? I'd have to say it's the best deal since Euroipods!
Person in front row of audience: Excuse me?
Advertising actor: Huh?
Person in front row: Correct me if I'm wrong, but the chair looks like a total pile of crap.
Advertising actor: You're wrong. I'll have to correct you.
Unseen voice: Okay, it's time for the raffle drawing! The winner will receive the New Shiatsu Massage Chair FREE!
(Advertising actor walks over to raffle box)
Advertising actor: And the winner is... Charlie Benson!
Advertising actor: Hooray for Charlie, everybody!
Charlie: WHAT? I have to take that pile of dog shit home?Advertising actor: Yes, you do. As for the rest of you, you can buy it for $7,999.999 at your local Bed, Bath & Beyond!
(Confused and angry Charlie chucks tomato at advertising actor, followed by the rest of the audience)
Advertising actor: No! Stop! It isn't pleasant when you throw those tomatoes at me! Stop! STOP! Not the pants! I keep my lunch in there!
(Advertising actor runs out of auditorium, followed by mobbing audience)
(Meanwhile, a medical team in Kansas was making an important discovery...)