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Unlike the better known domesticated varieties of Nuns, such as Old Crone and the Piebald Fury, undomesticated nuns are not suitable for housepets. Many priceless ornaments have been damaged by a lack of understanding of that simple rule.
Undomesticated nuns have very crude senses of humour. A common favourite joke is to take a knife used at the mealtable and to slice off some flesh. It will then be paraded around whilst the nun sings "I've got some Jesus, I've got some Jesus". Various groups exist to help those who adopt undomesticated nuns cope with their new acquisition. They can be found on the Internet and in phone books.
The United Nations runs a service which can occasionally reunite families with runaway nuns who have gone to different countries. The American Government has also been known to do this; a war they started in 2003 to rescue a nun owned by a high-powered American. Thanks to the unpopular war the Government lost some support, but an ex-chief executive slept happily knowing that his nun was safe at home. Naturally he assumed she was practising Celibacy.
The undomesticated Nun is found almost worldwide with the only notable exception being the South Pole where their place within the localised foodchain is taken up by a related species, the penguin.
edit House Training
Undomesticated nuns are often not housetrained. They do not understand the concept of eating at a table with knives and forks, or of sleeping in a bed. With sheets. This is understandable when one considers that in the wild they most often sleep in beds made of cow hide and eat whatever can be scavenged from King Penguins, to which they are closely related. They don't always understand the concept of sleeping with a man either.
You may want to start out with newspaper in the corner(random orgasms are common at first). Then introduce her to the family. If she licks her lips, this may be a sign that she's horny, so take her outside. WARNING: undomesticated nuns are not good with young children or other pets.
- In their younger years they are know to chew on furniture and other objects (mostly things resembling a cross or children).
- Keep the nuns (if you have more than one) in seperate cages for they will fight.
- If a fight does break out the best way to break it up and keep one from happening again is to whip them or tie them to rotating protractors, this will calm them down and keep them away from eachother. (warning : Whipping might make them horny)
Good discipline includes whipping, spraying with shaving cream, tying down and leaving in the basement for months only feeding her dog food, playing classical music (or organs, doesn't matter) and other things that would be awful for normal pets.
Limit having sex, once a nun is hooked it is very hard to break her of this habit. Set a schedule and stick too it. it is unhealthy for her to orgasm more than 3 times a day, if she does take her to the nearest vet.
edit Catching a undomesticated Nun
Undomesticated nuns are usually found as packs and are therefore very tricky to catch.The easiest way to catch one is to have a group of domestic nuns act wild , they will do this quite easily as they believe they are saving one of their own, the group then turns on the undomesticated one . (You may lose a few domestic nuns during this process as un domesticated nuns fight really dirty).
edit External Links
Some nuns of course do know what to do with a man.
- *Here’s what a nun’s naughty bit looks like. Also features a monk with a hard on. This one works as desktop background but leaves a space.
- *Here’s a monk and a nun almost naked. This one is the right shape for a desktop background.
Sporked from RationalWiki
Neither are copyrighted.