# Undictionary:V

 Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid.

## V

### Vacuum

The cold dark void within the minds of many youths.

Vacuums can be cleaned with a so-called vacuum cleaner.

### Vacuous

A person who falls in love with their vacuum cleaner instead of going out and finding a real partner who doesn't suck so hard.

### Van Gogh, Vincent

Originator of Do It Yourself cosmetic surgery.

### Vanilla ice cream

The stuff that holds Vanilla Ice's fashionable hair together. A principal ingredient in the manufacture of bukkake.

• Lactose Intolerant
• Raptose Intolerant

### Vanna White

Ancient Celtic Goddess of Rotating Numbers and Letters With a Nice Firm Ass. Wife, daughter, and aunt of Zeus. Aunt of Hera.

### VB

Australian beer made by the mexicans down south

### Vector field

A really cool thing scientists use to travel through time and have adventures which wreck havoc on the time stream. Some have claimed this is harmful, and tried to stop the scientists, only to never have existed the previous day.

### Vegetable

A table propped up with beermats.

### Vegetarianism

1. Dangerous belief system where one replaces eating pleasure with self-righteousness by equal measure. Now known to be a significant cause of global warming due to large quantity of uneaten methane producing animals.

2. Lakota Sioux word for poor hunter.

### Velociraptor

Prehistoric reptile brought back from extinction via various ways. Very useful for killing off unneeded characters. Also fun to watch characters run away in terror.

### Velocity

A town monopolised by cyclists.

### Veni, Vidi, Vapulavi

Famous quote by some guy. It translates from Latin as "I came, I saw, I took a beating".

### Veni, vidi, vici

One of history's most frequently mistranslated quotations, properly translated, it means "I came, I saw, I ate pie."

### Veritable

Like a table, but extremely so.

### Vermicello

A large musical instrument made out of rats.

### Vermilion

In maths: $10x10x10x10x10x10 rats = pissed off people$

### Vernacular

Dracula's brother Vernon.

### Versatile

To place ceramic squares on a wall, shiny side down.

### Vertebra

1. Green lingerie.

2. A bra with backbone.

### Vicar

A Vicar is a small rodent native to the Hawaiian Islands notable for it long, stringy purple fur and its obscene devotion to deflowering altar boys. Discovered in 1988 by Jesus H. Christ during one of his longer drunks, the creature has been hunted to the brink of extinction. Prized for its sweet, sweet flesh and aphrodisiac qualities, the price of the average vicar has risen to almost two dollars a pound.

Can also be the colloquialism for a Jewish Rabbi who likes to jog in tacky velvet jump suits.

### Victor

A Russian regal term meaning "Consumer of Produce", the word "Victor" has been secretly taken by many famous individuals throughout human history such as Battle-Pope Palpatine Victor the II. Perhaps most famous of those that have taken the name Victor is the recently-crowned King of South Africa, who wears a necklace of red pearls and hails from the southeastern portion of Mars.

### Vice president

Fulfils a unique role in the government: in charge of perversions, lewd acts, debauchery and smoking. His/her job consists of ensuring compliance with federal quotas on minimum acceptable amounts of debauchery in mainstream culture.

### Viet Kong

Viet Kong - One of the most feared, yet lesser known creatures on the earth. His older brother, King Kong, certainly stole the spotlight for the Kong family, and despite Viet's 7 attempts to wreak havoc in major cities, he always seemed to miss. His latest attempt, in 1954, was to attack Jamaica, but when he got off the plane, he realized he was in Jamaica, Queens. Viet has settled in Northern Antarctica with Abdominal Snowman, often confused with the Abominable Snowman.

He last contacted news agencies through Oscar Wilde in 1974, who released the following statement: "Viet Kong has realized that the path his brother King took was not for him. Monsters have different callings, and his is to live in a non-existent place with a ridiculously named abdominal abomination."

Not to be confused with his younger brother Donkey Kong.

### Villa

A large house. The English word villa comes from the Spanish word for small town, a misunderstanding stemming from the fact that a small town in Mexico is the same size as a large house in America.

### Vin Diesel

A very low grade fuel that over musculates the engine and will lead to a break down in about 30 minutes. Contains wine.

### Virgin Mary

Mentioned in the Bible a couple of times. More interestingly, however, is that you have a scientifically proven 1 in 375 chance of seeing her on burnt toast. Many millionaires have frequently burnt their own bread, simply so they can sell the portrait of the holy mother for large sums of money.

Other proven probabilities of sighting:

• Window condensation: 1 in 1942
• Distorted window reflections: 1 in 1492
• Water stains: 1 in 935
• Grilled cheese: 1 in 666
• Tortillas: 1 in 42
• Clouds: varies from 1:1 and upward directly dependent on the observers I.Q.

### Vittu

Vittu is a blessing word in the Finnish language. It is said to bring good luck to those who use it. When any of its variants are used in a sentence, people have observed mysterious increases in luck. One example is the case of Samuli Virkkunen in, who, after being fired by his boss in 1999, used it as an adjective referring to him and left. When he got to his car to drive home, it would never start. He got angry about this, but he would later realize the effect of his use of "vittu:" He avoided getting into the turku Inferno, the worst car accident in Finnish history, which occurred when a petrol truck fell off an overpass and exploded on the highway. To this day, he always uses a variant of "vittu" whenever he wants luck to turn in his favour.

It is also believed that the use of more than one variant of the word can bring even more luck. In fact, it is said that if you utter the sentence, "Vitun vittu, vituttaa vittumaisen vitusti" with just the right tone, you will be blessed with eternal good luck.

Unfortunately, the use of the English equivalent, "cunt," has exactly the opposite effect. Especially in run-down American neighbourhoods.

### Voledemort

Commom Misspelling of Vole DeMort the origin being that of Vole (small furry animal) De (of) & Mort (death).

### Vuja De

The Feeling You've Never Been Here.