From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
The most underused letter in the alphabet
Jack, ( Maximus Failus ) is a, well, you will him when you see 'em.
J-Lo, a popular dessert endorsed by Bill Cosby, looks colourful and jiggles when eaten but contains little of actual substance.
edit Jabba the Hut
- 1.An expression of one's face when constipated.
- 2. A chain of fast foot joints with a plexiglass slug slithering down the roof.
- 3. World's fattest rapist
The Jabberwock (1972-) is a mythical beast who has been terrorising The Slithy Toves for 30+ years. One report says it is a monster about 7 feet tall. The monster has been making a burbling sound that keeps people up at night, and sometimes it eats adventurers at the Tumtum Tree. It has flaming eyes, claws that catch, mighty wings, sharp fangs, deadly poison, acid blood, fire breath, immunity to all but vorpal swords, and limited 10-year warranty. People have made a petition to kill it or relocate it, but liberals have been saying that it is an Ununderstood creature and has as much the right to live as you or I. The hippies were quickly squelched by a 50 gun salute that went horribly awry. Reports from years ago said that it was slain by Pope Sixus VI, but that was proven false when the Jabberwock himself said he wasn't dead. A bunch of hillbillies have recently been deployed in the Middle of the Slithy Toves to find the beast, but you know hillbillies.
There's also an a capella group at Brown University that call themselves The Jabberwocks, since all the good puns involved in the word Brown were taken, including -- and this is not made up -- the Brown's Tones. Ewww.
An unnecessary additive found in most foods.Most consumers are unaware of this toxic additive which may lead to such diseases and ailments as:
Jaboblispleen- swelling of the spleen induced by abnormal amounts of Jaboblin. Jabobili-itis - a rash on the nether regions initially thought to be crabs. Highly uncomfortable. Jabobilbox (a.ka. Box Mullet) - a hideous growth on the lower regions of the skull Jaboblitoe - swelling of the big toe after stubbing it on your budgie's inflamed testicle.
A Russian Michael Jackson look-a-like arrested for lewd behavior in Lenin's tomb.
edit Jack Plug
The son of Mike Flex and Ann Adaptor.
edit Jagged Little Pill
- Album by Alanis Morisette, that is chock full of angsty goodness. Often used to compare her to Eddie Vedder. ewww........
- A Tylenol of which that wears black leather belts and wristbands with shiny, metal spikes, in the punk rock style.
- A very painful source of headache relief
- Another used word for, umm, well, you know...
edit Jag blev klonkad på dirren på longen av clarran
"Jag blev klonkad på dirren på longen av clarran", is Swedish slang for "Jag blev klonkad på direkten på den långa delen av kartan av Clarion". Translated to english, this becomes roughly "I got shot in the head but survived as soon as I went out on the long part of the map by the clarion". The expression is mostly used by P12:or, which is once again Swedish slang for twelve year old boys. However, the expression mostly refers to boys that talk with squeeky voices saying things like "Hora" in every sentance, with age ranging from 8 to 12. The term is normally used over the online program Voiplay, which is used by the utterly ridiculous website www.spelarenan.com, which is a swedish website for Counter-Strike players without a life that gets sexually excited by either saying "JAG BLEV KLONKAD PÅ DIRREN PÅ LÅNGEN AV CLARRAN" or listening to people saying that and mocking them for their utter patheticnessity.
Jah is a minigod. Most gods fit in oil drums at a push, but Jah can be squeezed into a matchbox, to be brought out at parties for fire and brimstone firework displays.
- A type of glue made by melting 1000 year old cow crap, also eaten by french soldiers in World War II as a substitute for onions.
- The name given to a mysterious honey-like substance found on the recently discvered planet of @#';'#£%-##~ (pronounced: kzxuytrdfgme).
n. A person that has "Japanophilia," sexual attraction to the country of Japan.
The walking of J. Previously known as the walking of U until the alphabetical war of 1912 when all vowels were executed.
Jeans are rustic trousers made of French sailcloth at the town of Nimes (hence de nim, denim) by a Frenchman named Jean under contract to the great anthropologist and writer of correctly spelled words Claude Levi-Strauss.
Also: regions of EFG that one hands down to offspring during the process of a sweaty, fondling, often said to be pleasurable encounter - often an accidental happening known as "Oopsie."
See also: Thing
1. a man with a big doof 2. a country from Chines mythology located in the mythical sea of Japan ruled by Ayumi Hamasaki and populated by yellow midgets with magical powers and giant robots.
The most prolific of all world religions as of the last census. Statistics show that over two hundred thousand padawans succumb to mind tricks and are recruited every year.
Jeeves (the butler guy), contrary to popular belief, is actually a neo-Nazi, and that's why whenever you ask him what you must do, his response will be, "Für uns gibt es nur zwei possiblities: entweder wir bleiben Deutscher, oder wir kommen unter den Daumen der Juden!"
edit Jeeves and Worcester Sauce
A banned book where Jeeves is arrested for indulging in sexual relations with a bottle he found in the fridge.
edit Jeffrey Dahmer
A famous Gourmand and Chef.
Korean Jesus. The name "Jejus" is originated from the Korean pronunciation of Jesus. (Since Korean doesn't have the z sound, they always change it to the j sound.)
edit Jerk Chicken
A Jamaican euphemism for Jerk Cock or Masturbation (see Jerky Sandwich).
edit Jerk Pork
A Jamaican Hooker's two-for-one deal.
edit Jerky Sandwich
How to enjoy the company of two close friends.
edit Jerry Garcia
Jerry Garcia was named after the ice cream "Cherry Garcia". He denies tasting delicious, but you can't be sure. Garcia was a ring leader of a nefarious organisation known as The Grateful Dead. He was also an obese law enforcement officer chasing Zorro on his many adventures.
Multiple Jesus (plural)
Jeslerbadecuddy Has three possible meanings, all of which are interchangable. these are: 1) Chips 2) A Yellowish condiment you spread on toast 3) A Funny, if slightly unhinged man who is covered in curry powder
edit Jesus Fish
The Jesus Fish is a line drawing of a fish cast in plastic and covered in chrome. In Alabama, it is required by law to have a Jesus Fish on the rear of your vehicle if you cannot merge in rush-hour traffic or during mild rainshowers.
edit Jesus Fucking Christ
The man responsible for everything wrong in your life. "Jesus Fucking Christ! The toaster broke!"
edit Jet Lag
From the swedish word Get-Lag which is a cold soup and/or the law from 1513 B.C. banning Goats from all of Scandinavia.
2nd generation jet engine
Since their invention in the 50's as part of the NASA space program the use of jet packs has taken off! Just as predicted we all use them to hop around from place to place far faster and more conveniently than road transport. They've even replace the ubiquitous personal aeroplane as predicted in the early 20th century.
The large piece of fecal material that, upon having been pooped, cannot be flushed because of the certainty that it will clog and overflow the toilet. "Someone get the plunger; I just made a huge-ass Jetzke!"
A race of people who live in holes and snatch babies from peoples houses... They don't really exist but it's fun to pretend! They also started the hair tend of wearing curls all year long, before it was only fashionable to do so untill Febuary 17.
An afro on the top of a Jew's head.
edit Jew Down
edit Jew Gold
If you knock a Jew's hat off will money fall out. This is their Jew Gold. Those Jews that do not wear hats have been known to keep it in a bag around their neck. If you hold a Jew up (Author note: Please do not do this at home, Jews are heavy and have sharp edges) make sure you do not fall for their secret bag of fake Jew gold they also keep around their necks. The opposite applies if you hold up a fake Jew. Knowledge is power!
NB: Not to be confused with secret Nazi gold. Nazi gold is far inferior to Jew gold.
Remarkable liquid engineering hygiene product invented by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran for which he won the Lever Brothers 2009 Nobloscar. Used for cleaning Regimes and even entire countries off maps and cities. Not yet approved by the FDA.
Drum & Bass Disk Jockey from Auckland, New Zealand. Addicted to another producers tracks by the name of Blame. Invented fire at age 12. Created the world's first clone in 1764 who grew up to become a producer by the name of Blame.
Verb. Latin. The closest English equivalent to "Drunk as a rich hobo". The word originates from around 50,000 BC when JGA challenged George W Bush to a drinking competition and ended up stark naked on the Russian steepe after only consuming three 'Distinction' Ales. When the gypsies of Antarctica (foremerly Queen Maud Land) migrated to North America they brought the saying along with them to which the native tribesman adopted it into common language and now it is an International saying. Exp. "Let's get JGA'd (up) at Foci this Thursday"
1. (n) an addiction to dextromethorphan, the active ingredient in over-the-counter cough syrups, combined with a sexual attraction to dominant partners (see BDSM) and a tendency to fall in love with troubled, seemingly weak and vulnerable people. 2. (v) taking action to satisfy one or more of the cravings of the noun form of jibboo.
edit Jim Beam
Horizontal wooden structure used for exercise and estimation of blood-alcohol content in popular "Gymnasia Bar and Grilles".
n. A jimp is a person who looks hilarious and/or stupid. This word derived from a bunch of n00bs texting the phrase 'you lick gimps' to a home phone, which read it aloud as 'you lick jimps' - and thus, the word jimp was born, and later on, so was it's meaning.
- To struggle. Also used by Muslims to justify violence against anyone that they don't like.
- A name. Popular among Black-Americans from the ghetto.
edit Joe Perry
Famous aerosmith, and originator of the "Perry" defensive move, commonly used today in sword fighting. Before his invention of the "Perry," there was no way to defend against a thrust, so sword fights were invariably won by whichever fighter could thrust first. Methods of achieving the initial thrust were developed and practiced by followers of the school of Reauchambeaux.
edit John Candy
- John Candy, born in 1840, was a 5-time winner of the Ironman contest and a 3-time Gold medallist in the triathlon. Was voted sportsman of the year 117 consecutive years in 568 countries, as well as various Banana Republic and Footlocker stores. Tragically, however, he was thrown out of most short-distance sprints for straddling lanes. When announced, Candy would "run in lanes two AND three." However; this did little to solve his problem because he gained an incredible amount of weight after allegedly devouring John Belushi. He was never convicted though. He died of a wankel rotary engine-related condition in 1912, sadly before relating the location of Long John Silver's treasure to his descendants.
- John Candy is also a term used by "Johns" who use money and valuables to lure innocent women into a lifetime of "service" related positions.
edit John Carter
King of Pedants. A Liverpool UK, based man who doesn't know when to shut up. A church has been devoted to him. He is the new religious J.C. (even though he is an atheist we can worship him. [The Church of Pedantology] is the place where you can discover his majesty.
Some of his more classic quotes being
- "Everyone has the ability to take offense. No-one has an automatic right to be offended. If you want to claim you are offended by something, you should have to put forward your argument saying why you are offended. If it's not a good enough reason, then you're just a tool and should be ignored."
- "It's really a very simple concept. Just because you're offended doesn't mean you should be. I can't put it any more simply - just keep thinking about it until you understand."
edit John Denver
John Denver was a legendary figure in the American Revolution. He was best known for dressing in drag as "Annie" and climbing mountains.
He was tragically consumed in a leech-infested lake at the age of 42, but his ghost, in the form of a giant feather bed, continues to haunt the mountains of West Virginia. In West Virginia to this day they use the expression "let's fluff up a John Denver" when bedding their cousins, as is the custom in those parts.
Contrary to popular belief, John Tesh is the same person as John Denver.
edit John Smith
edit Johnny Quest
Johnny Quest was a show about two gay men travelling the world with two gay boys, one of whom was Johnny. The shows premise was that unless Johnny could save the day, the world would be overrun by evil anal probes. The show ran in the early 70's and has now been re-written into Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.
edit Johnny Vegas
See JR The Hut.
edit Jose Cuervo
Remembered throughout the Spanish-speaking world as a literary and political revolutionary, was born in Poland on Jan. 28, 1853. He was so precocious a political rebel against the Spanish Colonial Regime (S.C.R. has since down sized, now known as the Politically Inferior Pinata Society, or P.I.P.S.) that his first arrest and exile took place at age 16. This first exile (1871-2004) took him to Mexico, where he had his first experience with the "donkey show" also known as "Cogida sí" (not to be confused with Saturday night Mexican Tupperware parties, "Cogida no"). After a drunken piss on a blue agave plant, Jose Cuervo created the first Tequila. The formula Jose Cuervo created is still in use today under the name of "Natural Ice" and is widely used during "Cogida Si" festivals.
edit JR The Hut
A Star Wars villain played by former WWF/WWE announcer, Jim Ross.
A non-existent word that not only means absolutely nothing but is pronounced entirely differently from how you'd expect. Pretentious fools like Anita Roddick (Body Shop Witch) will pretend it's some kind of bean. Don't be fooled.
A supposedly comical phrase such as "I saw two men today" or "How are you?". Usually designed to elicit a certain response which includes, but not limited to, sexual anxiety, anger, sadness, depression, suicide, stress, punching, but never laughter.
Proper English A place that you are currently in, such as a whore-house, or your mothers basement. Saying this word around black people may result in a can of whoop-ass being opened.
An English literature student at heart, but with an overdeveloped sense of inquisitiveness.
That Insane Clown Posse Freak Fan sitting out side your house waiting to kill you for insulting ICP.
A good way to overcome a physical handicap by a mental one.
A quite horrible tasting berry that becomes a miracle in a glass in the form of the G'n'T.
edit Junk Science
Only used as a defensive term to support an ideology, Junk Science is any form of science that is derogatory in nature toward a particular political, financial, or similar agenda. Also, any form of science that disagrees with The Bible with or without a derogatory motive. Although, as the Bible is inerrant some would argue that any science that disagrees with it would be purposefully derogatory. "Take a chill pill, and get funny quick!" The Ed.
edit Just Joking!
A phrase used by French during the 5th World Cheese War. It translates as: "You can't understand sarcasm!"