Underwear
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“What the world needs is underwear that will not leave a big poop mark when eaten.”
“Underwear..should be banned for women.”
“Underwear? Under where?”
“Wear underwear my girls do not. Well, sometimes when out of the Force I am I let them wear thongs.”
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[edit] The Idea
Underwear is so called because it was worn under the skin, as opposed to overwear which was worn on the outside of the skin. Traditional underwear had to be inserted through an orifice, such as the rectum, and moved around until in position. Obviously Nylon became a popular use in most modern underwear due to aforementioned properties. Nylon is able to do this due to the lower density of the fabric, meaning it can fit through the cells of the skin. Other materials are able
Underwear was invented to substitute as a toilet, since Americans are too lazy to get up and go pee. It is a common practice to wet and soil your underwear at least 15 times before changing.
- Boxer-A larger style of underwear which allows freedom of the jangles, roomy. A favorite of the "butch" girl in a lesbian relationship
- Y-front-Tighter fitting than the boxer. So called because it has a large black Y printed on the front, very retro.
- Brief-This style of underwear is only around for a couple of days before vanishing mysteriously. These guys don't hang about.
- Thong-Some members of public enjoy the constant wedgie feeling this type of underwear gives (N.B. should be the only underwear legally sold to fat women). Fat women consist of Hilary Clinton, Merry Poppins and of course George W. Bush.
[edit] Trivia
President George W. Bush doesn't wear any underwear. Ever. However Condoleezza Rice likes to wear men's boxers. Underwear is especially useful when camping. It also has a great use for being a happy victim of wedgies, making it easier for the assailant to perform this special deed. They come in many colours, sizes, and even edible forms. Flowers and hearts often characterize the underwears, or 'underwie' (plural) of many grown-up men.
Underwear must be worn for at least 4 days in a row before they can be legally removed. The following are the internationally recognized methods for wearing underwear: forwards, backwards, inside-out forwards, inside-out backwards.
[edit] Enemies of Nylon
For unknown reasons some people have developed a hatred of Nylon, it is believed they are trying to get noticed rather than put across a valid point.
[edit] The Cult Following
Since the introduction of more convenient nylon underwear a group of people, who call themselves the Old Underwear Crusade, have insisted that traditional cotton underwear are more beneficial to human health. This, however is contradicted by many clinical trials which have found nylon underwear reduces the risk of chafing ten fold.
[edit] Freeballers
These people are a group that condemn all types of underwear as unnatural and satanic. These people follow a ritual known as "Going commando" where they refuse to wear underpants. These freeballers have become so large in numbers that they now hold large community gatherings where they burn underpants as a sign of releasing their genitals. Many surveys however have shown that by going commando the person's cleanliness decreases dramatically. Tom Petty even wrote a song about it, entitled Freeballing.
[edit] Grues
Grues' natural prey are humans, but nylon has the ability to make humans smell unappetising. Grues have to find other food to eat. As a result, killings of humanoids not wearing nylon such as Fredomist and OUC members has exponentially increased.
