Underwater basket weaving

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Japanese Traditional Underwater Basket Weaving has been practiced since the early middle ages and remains popular to this day.

“I said, 'I wanna weave! Weave! Weave dark wicker baskets!', and the Sergeant said, 'you're our boy!”
~ Arlo Guthrie on Underwater basket weaving[1]
“I would have made a case for my baskets.”
~ Noel Coward on Underwater basket weaving.
“What plates? Errr, What Basket?”
~ Mitt Romney on hazy college days in Utah.

Underwater basket weaving is a university course, usually offered to undergraduate or postgraduate students and popularly attended by such students seeking to either learn an ancient folk art or get easy credits at the university. It was commonly attended to dodge or evade any number of courses deemed too tough or where the professors were commonly known to be difficult. It was designed to take such students and engage them in any number of other folk arts currently in opposition to the current geopolitical situation of the 1960's and 1970's.

Outspoken supporters of the underwater basket weaving study have long sought to legitimize their struggle for legal access to university funding to popularize the field. Without such formidable names as Dan Quayle and our current Commander in Chief,[2] the right honourable George W. Bush, the very existence of the popular course at universities all across the world would be threatened, in favour for more popular art courses such as ceramics and finger painting.

University Approval

Underwater basket weaving

Badge upon course completion; 3 credits and a GPA boost included.

The earlier 1960's[3] saw a spike in registration requests for underwater basket weaving, prompting many university officials across the nation to add it into their current hard line curriculums. The Federal Government didn't seem quite eager to offer many universities Title IX funding because it was currently busy with other pressing matters and felt that students could better be served by taking more rigorous and sanctioned classes.

The first University to formally approve funding (and in many cases scholarships) for Studies in Underwater Basket Weaving was Kent State [4] University in Kent, Ohio. Kent State had been on the leading edge in opposition to the loss of artistic institutions across America at that time. They were so good in fact at promoting the field, four students were honoured on the grassy knoll in 1970 for their actions in defending their constitutional right to weave.

Typical students

Baskethead

This student is mentally prepared and toughened against the pruning effects his fingers will soon be subject to.[5]

Students who typically enroll in UWBW 101[6] are emasculated men, liberated young women, you of course, and those with a penchant for pithy and plucky remarks on politics and religion. Students come from all backgrounds and countries and are most remarkable in their ability to decree the vices of a government. Ergo automatically being better citizens for refusing unjust grades in the light of unfair water temperature [7] tests.

Underwater basket weaving as a Subculture Movement

Underwater basket weaving isn't your typical art class. Melodious peace literature floats harmoniously around the room and is broadcast into the water while young minds create wonderful pieces of basketry, in the the typical underwater style. Underwater basket weaving is more than just an art, it's a lifestyle [8] chosen by many to supplement their own general education and to proliferate their fresh plucky outlook on life amongst the artistically poor. Surprisingly, underwater basket weaving has been moving beyond the average university, and in fact has been seen in the many clubs and bars popping up around the country.




Samples

Dick's Underwater Basket Weaving Expo!
Mat-banana-naturalMat-abacaMat-brankas-water-hyacinthMat-flat-water-hyacinthMat-rattan-crocoMat-rattan-peel-naturalMat-sea-grassMat-wicker
Halliburton Basket Suppliers



Criticism

Kansas
Approved by the Kansas State Board of Education.
This page meets all criteria and requirements for use as teaching material within the State of Kansas University System. It consists of facts, not of theories and students are encouraged to believe whatever they hear or read uncritically and challenge nothing, whereas one should approach alternatives sceptically and without further review of the truth.

Notes

  1. Alice's Resturant
  2. I wonder how ol' Donnie Rumsfeld is doing? I miss him dearly.
  3. You weren't born here, stop trying to emulate it! Yes you young girls who worship Janis...I mean you!
  4. Noted Hippie Coven
  5. Get the lotion Jacko!
  6. Underwater Basket Weaving 101, Freshman Introduction
  7. Water Boarding?
  8. But what happens if I was born that way?

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