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ALL OF THE CIRCUMSTANCE, NONE OF THE POMP
See the talk page for general discussion about the Uncycloversity Police Force. Please note that the Uncycloversity project proposal under-handedly lies about our policemen, calling them "stalkers" and "pedophiles." You may rest assured that if these accusations were true, Uncycloversity would have taken steps to ensure no witnesses.
Discussions related to the consumption of beer, drugs, and pizza will be conducted in a series of grunts, moans and random clucking noises at our Communist Pork Hole. You can help by keeping your mouth shut.
edit Existing Policies
Anyone who is found to exist at Uncycloversity must cease to exist immediately. No exceptions! The penalty for existence is unrelenting, unmitigated boredom. (In other words, exactly the same as it is on Wikipedia.)
Apparently there's a reason for this subheading, but we're not sure what it is yet. It's probably just filler. Don't worry, go back to your homes, there's nothing to see here.
- Assume Everyone Wants to Have Sex With You
- We'll Also Assume You Want to Have Sex With Us
- Civil War! Everyone must die!
The difference between a "policy" and a "guideline" is that if you violate a policy, you get banned, whereas if you violate a guideline, you get "unfairly" banned. We say it's an important distinction, so it is. (That's policy, by the way — everything we say is automatically true.)
- Be bald-faced in your efforts to lie, cheat, and steal. No exceptions!
- What is Uncycloversity? And why should you care? And who are you, anyway? And why should we care? (About you, that is.)
edit Proposed Policies
First, we'd like to propose that you stop reading this inane policy page and go read something edifying, like our article on... on... give us a minute...
There's that same heading again! Apparently there's a reason for it, but we're still not sure what it is. It's definitely not filler, though. Otherwise, it wouldn't be repeated so often.
edit Behavioral Problems
edit Content-free policies
- Disclosures (incorporates STFU and Confessing Your Treasonous Behaviour to the Central Committee)
- What Uncycloversity is... NOT!
- Trekkie conventions
- Scholarly ethics
edit Sources of misery and despair
edit Enforcing our IRON DICTATORIAL WILL
edit Miscellaneous (sorry, we ran out of headings)
- Ignore all rules (except for the ones we make up at random to justify banning you)
- Petition to stop this whole thing from being so stupid moved here
Earlier, we explained the difference between a "policy" and a "guideline," but since then, we've changed our minds. Now we say that a guideline is the same as a policy, and we just like to have two words to use in sentences that end with the term "policies and guidelines" because it sounds like we care enough to make the distinction, which we don't. (By the way, another one of our important policies is that everyone has to link every article to the "Nobody cares" page at least twice, even if you personally can't stand the "Nobody cares" article and think it's incredibly tedious. Needless to say, this is simply to confirm the notion that "nobody" at Uncyclopedia cares about anything, when in fact, everybody cares about everything. It's just that the "Everybody cares" article isn't as popular, since it was written by the same person who's writing what you're reading right now. (Funny how that works!)
edit Other (we already used "Miscellaneous")
Did we mention that we would never, ever dream of re-using a heading? That would just be wrong.