editWhimsical Frail European Man Seeks Statuesque Statue
Seeking statue. I have a bowl of hot grits.
I never thought I'd be making a personal ad, let alone a personal ad on Uncyclopedia, but here goes:
39/M/Spain with 8" toungue seeking statue of Natalie Portman or other inanimate object to cover with a bowl of hot grits and then lick off with my rather well endowed tongue. I want our love to be concrete as only the love between a man and a statue (covered in hot grits) can be. As I am European, I only bathe or shower fortnightly, resulting in sexiness. I am frail and whimsical and I long to be crushed to death under the weight of a very tall statue. The Burghers of Calais need not apply as I am a down to earth traditional girl and not into group sex and other weird scenes. I'm really the romantic type, even though I am frail, weak, and sickly.
My other interests include Penis Puppetry, sucking my mother, the hermaphrodite, and having a go with my sister. Not all at the same time, of course! LOLocopters! Please respond care of Uncyclopedia: email@example.com
You kids get of my lawn!! Right this instant! I know your mothers you little vandals! Don't think I won't call them, because I will, goddammit! I swear to god, if I catch you little hoodlums out here again, wrecking my lawn, I'm going to call the cops and your mothers! Goddamn kids. No respect for their elders. No respect. Goddamn punks. Ruining the country. When I was a kid . . .
I am seeking a young woman, no older than 27, with wide hips and her own lawn edger. Must like TV shows such as Lawn Order: Special Victims Unit. and anything else on the HG Network.
It seems to be a system like CVP, CRP, and UN:VPV, the first two of which have been replaced with salting. Why can't this be replaced by salting as well? --Pentium5dot1t~^_^~c 06:20, 19 March 2009 (UTC)
This still exists for the same reason all those other things still exist as well: historic value. And this is about as unused as those other things you mentioned, I believe. —SirSocky(talk)(stalk)GUNSotMUotMPMotMUotYPotMWotM 10:38, 7 April 2009 (UTC)