Bees are a special kind of fly with a stinger and a sweet tooth. They are like ants, but can fly around and impale in addition to bite. Despite this, most species of bees are peaceful and only attack their evil foes.
Bees often die as a result of their attacks. Thus, a great debate rages amongst biologists as to whether they are leftover World War II kamikaze fighters or modern-day radical Islam jihadists. They all fight for their queen, and anyone opposed to her is considered an infidel and must be slain.
Bees should not be confused with hornets, wasps or yellowjackets. Bees are peaceful creatures that are easily offended by the racist idea that they all look alike. They will sting you to death for confusing them with their even more violent cousins. (more...)
Mother Jones refers to it as "an awful place to smoke dope and get laid." It is notorious for its regularity in poking a curricular finger in the eye of government. Its Division II wrestling team plays in both the Greco-Roman and Judeo-Christian formats. Hillsdale is so God-awfully far from any expressway that going home for the weekend is as tedious as the universally mandated reading of the classics.
Hillsdale was founded as Michigan Boondocks College, as the town of Hillsdale at that point was called Spring Arbor and just as far from civilization as it is today. Hillsdale was pious before piety even became fashionable, its charter prohibiting excluding anyone from anything because of religious opinions, and being equally willing to nag Christians as heathens. Hillsdale was affiliated with the Free willBaptists, as is only Bates College in Maine, and Hillsdale remains the choice of all students who do not want to leave with a resumé listing their "Masters-Bates."
Hillsdale also prohibited race and sex discrimination, admitting African Americans (who weren't called that yet) in 1844, and in 1851 graduating Michigan's first woman student with the Spinster of Arts. In 1856, it became Michigan's largest college, as in that century learning still used to win out over creating new jobs in government.
54 - Claudius, Roman Emperor (b. 10 BC) is assassinated by the C.I.A. Historians say this is impossible because the C.I.A. wasn't in existence yet... which is exactly what the C.I.A. would like to have you believe.
1792 - Cornerstone laid for the White House. Who lays stones? Masons. What organization did the masons start? Freemasons. Do I need to spell the rest out for you people?
1835 - Nothing of historical significance happened on this day in history... or so the Illuminati would have us believe.
1937 - Aviation pioneer Igor Sikorsky has a bunch of unpainted helicopters sitting around his factory, and gets a deal on 5000 gallons of black paint. The Black Helicopter is invented. You'd have to be pretty naive to think this was just a lucky coincidence.
1939 - Nothing happened in Germany! We were all on vacation! ALLE NATIONEN WERDEN SICH VOR DEUTSCHLAND VERBEUGEN!!!
GlobalTourniquet wins Writer of the Month for September in the typical fashion of some prolific writer who has been abscent for 2 years only to return with bold, new ideas for their writing! It should also be noted apart from the fact he is back that he is talented in what he writes and he does a fine job managing UnNews. So hats off to GlobalTourniquet, may he bring many, exciting articles to Uncyclopedia!
Seriously, we love you.
Noob of the Moment is the award that all newbies want and Sinner George has pulled that off excellently (being the second Greek to have this award!) It should be mentioned that his username is deceptive, he is actually a very good George writing new master pieces and getting on well with the dynamics of Uncyclopedia. You should congratulate him on this prestigious honor.
Hats off to you George, may you bbe with us for many monthsyears to come!
It is said last months winner has an ego comparable to Napoleon but both of these people are nothing compared to the ego of Frosty, as both winner of Uncyclopedian of the Month (second time!) and the writer of this update he will stain this section with vanity and how wonderful he is. Frosty is a wonderful Uncyclopedian, he is the best, he will crush you all. He has no time for the likes of you and he is the new administrator and unless you worship him he will take you on a free of charge trip on the banwagon!