Uncyclopedia Transit Authority

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Uncyclopedia Transit Authority
UTA logo
UTA Orion UTA #1854 - UTA Uncyclope-tan. Note the graffiti that says "Fuck Wikipedia" and "Shit" written on the bus.
Formed: January 2005
Preceding Agency: Dramatica Transportation Corp. (founded December 2004)
Jurisdiction: Greater Uncyclopedia Area (excluding Village Dump)
Employees: 565 (The 65 admins are the executives, patrollers and above the drivers)

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority is the primary public transit system operating in Uncyclopedia, Internet. The system runs buses, subways, horses and slow transit through the large city, excluding the Village Dump and the UnTunes community, which is operated by a separate entity of Dickheads with Asses during their free time.

The UTA operates 18940 surface transit routes, of which 445 routes make 20 connections with a subway, horse or slow transit station, 19230 horse routes, and 132 subway routes. In 2007, the UTA carried 101.4 million passengers per day, and there were 7,392,179,613 passenger trips in total.

UTA3


edit History

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The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority, having operated since February 2005 after the inauguration of Uncyclopedia, has provided seamless transportation around the Uncyclopedian community. Initially providing simple services from the Main Page Terminal to high-density areas of the online community, it has grown due to massive trash sprawl and now operates throughout the whole area. The Unified Community of the Village Dump and UnTunes, on the other hand, has its own transit system with no links to the UTA, operating horses and buses only[1].

Prior to 2004, there are four transit systems operating. In 2005, the UTA was inaugurated after an agreement between the four parties:

  • Dramatica Transport Corporation, which operated in Encyclopedia Dramatica from 2004 to 2005. It morphed into UTA after Encyclopedia Dramatica broke up with Uncyclopedia on March and created their own transport system under the Encyclopedia Dramatica Transit Authority brand. This was dissolved on April 2, 2011 on a vote of 5 to 4 after the destruction of Encyclopedia Dramatica the previous day. Many former EDians left to form alternate communities but has no transit system.
  • BJAODN Division of WTA, since 2005 (merged with UTA after BJAODN division of WTA was dissolved)
  • Potato Wiki, since 2005 (merged with UTA to provide catering services on buses)
  • Sophia MTA, since 1985 (merged with UTA to allow use of defunct subway systems and horses)

Throughout the history of the Uncyclopedia Transit Authority, the system has greatly expanded. Despite many efforts though, no deals have been reached with the Unified Community of the Village Dump to create a connection. Village Dumperites state this as "UN:POV, UN:N and requires extensive oversight by an Arbitration Committee."

Howlowcanyougo22
President Jonathan Huang[2] celebrates the opening of Filipino Empire stop, moments before being bottled by protestors and this woman's husband.

The system originally started off with a small 2-route bus system adopted from a combination of the WTA and the Dramatica systems, and a fleet of 4 buses. Overtime, demand increased and routes were being added every month, which turned to weekly, and sometimes on a daily basis. President Jonathan Huang of UTA had to constantly hire more employees to the point where he was hiring administrators for the system more than he was hiring drivers.

Around mid-2005, it was decided to commence a subway system in Uncyclopedia. Much of Uncyclopedia was dug up and the system installed in no time after a mass hiring spree. After the system was installed, much of ground-level Uncyclopedia was given a facelift in what is called the 'Monobook Saga'. Unfortunately, as many of those hired to make the system were random IP citizens of Uncyclopedia, the system was poorly planned and many stations didn't link to any surface routes. Member denizens of Uncyclopedia have declared these 'Orphans' and avoid them as they have become "IP fodder" and rundown.

In 2006, a horse system called the 'UnMeta' was introduced after citizens complained they couldn't make heads or tails of all the modern transportation systems available in Uncyclopedia. A complex 'Point A to Point Z' system was made using funding from the Uncyclomedia Corporation in association with UnNews to provide advertising on the UnMeta buses. Despite the complaints previously, ridership on the UnMeta, from Main Page to Recent Changes, with service every 45 minutes, was slow to start. Connections were made to Help, Random Page and the city of UnNews itself to increase use. By mid-2006, these additional connections drew ridership in, easing tensions that were occuring on the subway.

In September 2007, the UTA celebrated with the construction of its 20,000th transit stop: The Filipino Empire at Royalpark Station. The route was created to allow English citizens of Wikipedia access to a museum on Filipino history. Unfortunately, some citizens complained after discovering evidence that the SATD stop in the Mathematics district was the 20,000th stop. After a quick investigation, the Filipino Empire Stop kept it's 20,000th stop status, despite massive bottling at Huang during the announcement, and his subsequent resignation.

Bus on fire
One of the first busses. Sadly, it was terrible

In early 2008, a subway system was developed linking Main Page with all major areas of Uncyclopedia. Lack of funding during that year's funding drive, however, prevented the purchase of subways and buses, and ended up purchasing horses. The UTA officials, disappointed with the lack of sales and constant '☺$1,000,000' donations, made a video to the public to have them donate or risk a levy for every portion of Uncyclopedia they visit. When that didn't help, Huang shrugged off the idea and used the money on developing a new colorful for the UTA as shown at the top of the page. Recently, some stations are now equipped with interchanges to the WTA network, which is done after a planned merge with the two systems failed. In October 23, 2008, the UTA was sold to Wikia Transport Services for ☺$125,000,000,000,000, which sparked massive protests in the area[3].

From 2010 to 2011, the UTA was involved in a power struggle between the parties. The UTA was involved in a scandal on August 2011 when several stations had been demolished in a Forest Fire Week demolition program, including the prized articles such as Tom Cruise and Scientology, as well as the most controversial article, Malaysia. After this incident, several Uncyclopedians, in consultation with the UTA, helped restore these stations to former glory, often modifying it. Some of them are of poor quality that for the safety, they must be torn down again.

edit The Fleet

UTA Shit bus
The very dangerous route 48 to Pakistan route. Mainly used by terrorists and corrupt officials. Many buses, such as this one, were blown up by terrorists.
795px-Hitachi-train-42m-UTA
UTA's Hitachi Train. With no air conditioning or lighting, this train is so crap that the WTA never bought them. Plus, the interior can get as hot as a hibachi oven. This is the UTA Melbourne's Hibachi.

The UTA operates a massive fleet of buses, horses (not listed) and subways, along with five Airbus A380s and six Boeing 747s for international routes between Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia.

Buses
 Make/Model   Fleet number   Description   Fleet size   Year acquired   Division   Notes 
Thomas SLF-672.5 0420-0620* Coal Bus 200 1999 Africa and Third World Division Commonly used by the poor, terrorists and corrupt officials
Orion Bus Industries Loyola 08.607 "VIII.607" 0800-1984 Hybrid-Electric Solar Diesel-Infused Bus 50 2008 Category Division Replaces 50 year old buses from Encyclopedia Dramatica Transit System.
Orion Bus Industries Loyola 07.098 "VII" 3600-3650 Gas-Guzzling Hybrid Bus 51 2008 United States of America Division Navigates the USA community of Uncyclopedia, constantly breaking down due to excess weight load.
New Flyer D40LFRSTLNE 5100-5300 Diesel Bus 300 2005 AoED Division Constantly used by vandals and terrorists
VanHool AGGG300 5300-5351 Diesel-Electric Bus 52 2005 Europe and Asia Division Triple articulated-bus, known for the mess of free papers and coffee cups thrown on the floor, along with puke stains in the rear of the bus.
Sonic X 8000-8999* Supersonic Bus 1000 2008 Random Articles, Mario and Sonic Division Nicknamed "Sonic the Hedgehog", these buses travel at high speeds. They go so fast, that many accidents happened in Uncyclopedia are caused by these buses.
Alexander Dennis Vertigo500 9000-9051 Diesel-Lightning Rod Bus 51 2004 Photography and Urban Division Used mainly by transit enthusiasts with their fascination of shiny things, lights, destination signs and tall buses.
Prevost H3H-60 47200-48201 A jet engine 10001 1995 Slow Transit and Buslink Division Popular amongst those on slow transit, unpopular on rapid transit routes.
Tiger ready
The old Alexander Dennis Vertigo500

*0621-0666 destroyed by terrorists. *8900-8999 crashed becaused of a series of accidents on 14 September 2008 to 9 January 2009

UTA Prevost
The nicknamed 'bendy' buses in the UTA fleet. Required as much fuel for 10 standard runs as an Airbus A320 running from New Orleans to Florida. This is the UTA OPEC. Route 666 from New Orleans to Los Angeles via U.S. Route 666.
Subways
 Make/Model   Fleet number   Powered by   Fleet size   Year acquired   Division   Notes 
Fawker-Sidededeldey Canada T-1 00001-00100 Electricity 100 1992 North American & Asian Division Retired?
Shithouse Trains L4000 00101M-00200M Electricity/Solar 100 2001 Iraqi & African Division Rarely used, solar panels made in the Philippines. Trains mainly used by idiots and corrupt officials (again). Additional 1,289,000 on order.
Bombardmentier Canada T-1000 00101-08000 Electricity 800 2007 South American Division Although designed as 75 foot vehicles, usually crushloaded in service. Additional 2000 on order.
Bombardmentier Canada T-X 01001-01200* Two Nuclear Fusion Reactor Cores 200 2008 European & Antarctican Division Riders in the front cabins require Geiger counters.
Assport Industries X-T Bullshit 100000-101000 Shit 1000 2008 User, Japanese & Philippine Division The world's first shit-powered train. Additional 3000 are on order, as shit-power turned out to be efficient
Hitachi 100000-101000 Electricity/Horses 10 2006 Australia Division Nicknamed as "Sardine Cans", They originally ran on the streets of Melbourne until they got rid of these pieces of shit. Also known as the "hibachi" as these trains have no air conditioning and only have a few windows.

*01165 retired due to a hijack by Conservapedian terrorists.

Community (International) Transit
 Make/Model   Fleet number   Description   Fleet size   Year acquired   Division   Notes 
Airbus A380-800 010000000-060000000 4 Dodge HEMI-powered "Compressive-Reactive"® gasoline turbines 5 2008 International Travel Used purely for going between wikis and portals in Uncyclopedia. Flights go to Wikipedia, Conservapedia (has own public transit system- bus, train, ship and subway only), RationalWiki, and Encyclopedia Dramatica (operation ceased April 2011, replaced with OhInternet). Operates at $550,000 per trip, special fare is $375 adults, $230 seniors and $175 students. Five more are ordered and will be put into service by 2013.
Boeing 747-400 010000-070000 4 Dodge HEMI-powered "Compressive-Reactive"® gasoline turbines 6 2006 International Travel Same reason the Airbus A380 is used, but it operates at $360,000 per trip, is cheaper and also prone to breakdowns due to shabby repairs.

edit Divisions

UTA5
The UTA Fawker-Sidededeldey T-1 train departing from Main Page Central to Japan.

edit Division Alpha

Area served: Administration and Pokemon
Operator: Silph Co.
Facility: 143 Naryah Road, Saffron City

edit Division Beta

Area served: North America (incl. United States of America, excluding Kentuckistan), South America, Europe, Asia, Australia, Antarctica
Operator: Veolia Transport (no wonder why the passengers are late!)
Facility: 1984 Toxicroak Avenue, Zekrom Town

edit Divison Gamma

Area served: Africa, Rap Music, Kentuckistan
Operator: UNR (Uncyclopedia Railway Company) East
Facility: 69 Jalan Jemaah Islamiyah, Jakarta, Indonesia

edit Division Delta

Uncyc ticket and pawn
Some stations in UTA's network have pawn shops, so you can trade stuff and buy tickets while waiting for the bus.
Area served: Photography, Random Articles
Operator: UNR West
Facility: 123 Phaycke Avenue, Puddingdong

edit Division Epsilon

Area served: Slow Transit, Users and Kentuckistan
Operator: MILF Transit
Facility: Unknown (somewhere in the island of Mindanao, Philippines)

edit Division Catherine Zeta-Jones

Area served: Celebrity, Category, Miscellaneous Community
Operator: Administrators of Uncyclopedia Massive Transportation Committee of Administrators (AUMTCA)
Facility: 649 Kyurem Road, Castelia City, Unova

edit Fares

The Uncyclopedia Transit Authority has the cheapest fares in the Greater Internet Community of Alexa. Fares increase by ☺$2,500,000 every January. The fares, as of this writing, are as follows:

Note: (W$1=☺$100,000,000,000,000,000- we're like Iraq!)

Age group Individual Fare 1-Zone Individual Fare 2-Zone Individual Fare 3-Zone 10 Tickets 1-Zone 10 Tickets 2-Zone 10 Tickets 3-Zone Monthly Pass 1-Zone Monthly Pass 2-Zone Monthly Pass 3-Zone Slow Transit
High School Students ☺$1232.56 ☺$2264.42 ☺$9548.74 ☺$32102.81 ☺$78900.00 ☺$15400.00 ☺$128390.00 ☺$268000.00 ☺$319300.00 ☺$9000.00
College Students ☺$3000.50 ☺$5000.97 ☺$10000.02 ☺$32000.02 ☺$42000.03 ☺$55000.07 ☺$132000.23 ☺$260000.45 ☺$360000.65 ☺$10000.50
University Students ☺$5000.00 ☺$9000.00 ☺$20000.00 ☺$67000.00 ☺$87000.49 ☺$95000.93 ☺$286000.51 ☺$482000.37 ☺$928000.29 ☺$18000.00
Elementary School Students ☺$2999.99 ☺$5000.63 ☺$9000.98 ☺$27000.55 ☺$37000.45 ☺$55000.10 ☺$110000.00 ☺$221000.00 ☺$321000.11 ☺$500.39
Apprenticeship Students ☺$9000.00 ☺$44444.44 ☺$222222.22 ☺☺$4444.00 ☺$8888.00 ☺$12000.00 ☺$1117.76 ☺$2000.00 ☺$3000.45 ☺$16666.62
Adults ☺$3000.00 ☺$4000.00 ☺$5000.00 ☺$24000.00 ☺$34000.00 ☺$44000.00 ☺$95000.00 ☺$666666.66 ☺$185.00 ☺$20000.00
Children and 65+ Seniors ☺$2000.47 ☺$4000.00 ☺$6000.29 ☺$14000.00 ☺$24000.00 ☺$42000.00 ☺$74000.00 ☺$148000.00 ☺$238000.05 ☺$1000.00
100+ Seniors ☺$14000.65 ☺$24000.00 ☺$48000.08 ☺$146000.00 ☺$2240000.00 ☺$4420000.00 ☺$6666660.00 ☺$1488000.88 ##### ☺$15000.00

edit Staff

Guyton
An off-duty UTA driver stands beside a stop along Route 129 'Baghdad'.

Also known as Administrators, or "!staff", the operating staff are employed by Uncyclopedia through a long voting process by the community. They are judged on their driving skills, XP points, mana and ability to clean vandalism from buses. Once the community decides on their new drivers, the bureaucrats of Wikipedia decide whether the person is able to join the UTA by instigating a litigation issue on a bus as they train. If they can pass this, the driver is allowed to enter service on Route 129 'Baghdad'. If they can successfully perform service for one week on this route, they are fully admitted to the UTA, signed into union and union dues and kept away from Route 129.

edit Uniforms and Style

Joe and Uncyclo-tan
Mayor Jonathan Huang shows off the new UTA female uniforms at a conference in 2005.

For females, they should look like Uncyclo-tan, with brown hair, green dress and earrings. For males, they should have no beard (you can have a beard if you want, but people will bottle at your for that), and should look like Mayor Huang.

edit Transit Enforcement

See Robocop

edit The Office

The UTA office building is a 3 story office building, located in the middle of the city. It is made of black bricks, tin foil, and tons of SPARTA!!!! The building was built on a homeless shelter and an orphanage. Oh well...

edit See Also

  1. The only exception is the odd Transuncyclopedian Railway, which connects Uncyclopedia to UnTunes and the Village Dump
  2. For privacy reasons, we can't show his face on the image. A substitute image was used instead.
  3. See Forum:Decisions Time Folks - Let's Be Organized for a Change
Spork This page was originally sporked from Wikipedia Transit Authority.

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