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Monday, June 18, 2018, 05:47:59 (UTC)

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London, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Theresa May has proposed an idea to ban all jokes and other forms of entertainment, such as comedy.

"Comedy comes from a racist, sexist, politically incorrect era of time, with vile racist jokes being synthesized in laboratories frequently between 1968 and 1979. This type of sickening material has existed since the beginning of time, and don't even get me started on those disgusting, foul musical jokes by Mozart" said the prime minister. Full story»

Windsor, England -- Prince Harry Potter, sorcerer in chief of modern literature, finally married his congenial literary female fighter for the good, Miss Meghan Marple -aka - the Granny Sleuth, shortly after he accidentally had spirited his first wife Ginny Weasley away into the harem of an unknown Arab sheik who won't give her back no more. The age gap between the couple - Potter is now in his early 20s and Marple is closer to 90 - has not been an issue. Full story»
Quebec City, Canada German Chancellor Angela Merkel is still in Canada after USA President Donald Trump Super Glued her hands to the table. Other world leaders were able to escape Trump's prank when he covered a white table cloth in superglue.

The meeting of the G7 had already run into difficulty when Trump had asked why his best mate Russian President Vladimir Putin. He accused British Prime Minister Theresa May of being a 'petty school mistress'. Full story»

Laguna Beach, California, USA -- Brotherhood of Eternal Love Inc., the patient holder of Soma, responded to the latest Roseanne Barr news with a statement full of paisley: "While all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, Polish racism is not a known side effect of any psychedelic medication."

Roseanne Barr's Soma explanation was part of a tweet-storm reacting to ABC's cancellation of her hit show “The Deplorables.” On Tuesday she waffled between apologizing for her weird Twitter behavior and then retweeting humorous memes that made her apology sound more like a punch line. Full story»

WASHINGTON D.C.John McCain, who has been battling an aggressive form of war mongering for more than sixty years, doesn’t want God to attend his funeral and prefers Satan George Soros to be there, according to a New York Times report.

In addition, former Presidents Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and Barack Obama have been asked to deliver comedy routines at McCain's funeral, reliable sources with no idea of the former presidents nor McCain told CNN.  Full story»

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TV Highlights June 18

Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.