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Tuesday, May 24, 2016, 20:45:59 (UTC)

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Solar Impulse Moffett
TULSA, Oklahoma -- The Solar Impulse 2 left Tulsa on its way to Ohio. It arrived two hours late at Tulsa, but the TSA has advised Americans to allow three hours for their pre-flight federal pat-downs.

Unfortunately, the single passenger, hapless token salesman Clivus Multrum, was late for his meeting, and must now wait for the next solar-powered flight back to Phoenix. Full story»

Safety form
DEWSBURY, England -- Zakaria Muslim Girls' High School has been graded the UK's first 'Probably a Terrorist School' by education watchdog Ofstead.

Recognition for their approach to David Cameron's chain-academy initiative, has been considered long overdue, as the town is home to one of the 7/7 bombers and still holds the record for the UK's youngest convicted terrorist. Full story»

Lori Robinson
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Lori Berenson has become the first-ever female to head a combatant command. Lori went to Peru and joined the Sendero Luminoso (Slippery Path), until Fujimori jailed her in the Andes. But now she is out and Fuji is in.

The U.S. military opened all its jobs to women last year and Lori must now prove they are equally represented in all jobs and at all ranks, between pregnancies, and that it provides frequent lactation stations on the boot camp obstacle course and makes combat a non-threatening work environment. Full story»

CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida -- NASA scientists announced a record 1,284 exoplanets identified by the Kepler space telescope. Its mission ended in 2013, though the news was embargoed to fill a lean week in election-year news.

A whopping 9 exoplanets are at the right distance from their sun that liquid water could exist, raising hopes of lakefront summer homes, golf courses with water hazards, and — most promising of all — alien life that is just like us. Full story»

Trump on SNL
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- A stampede has begun, as Republicans, who had shamed Donald Trump into signing a deal that none would refuse to support the winner or go off and start a third party, have all done exactly that.

Hash Tag Never Trump has given way to Hash Tag I'd Rather Eat Dirt and Hash Tag Take Me In Your Ever-Lovin' Arms Hillary, as leader after leader declares he cannot countenance a Trump candidacy. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights May 24

No One Is Watching Government
C-SPAN 2:00 PM EDT/1:00 CDT
Why on earth are you even reading this? You KNOW damned well you are going to click over to USA for "Law & Order: SVU" without even checking this out. That's what everybody does. Why should you be any different? We could put on footage of Richard Nixon doing the Obama twins, and STILL no one would see it. Go watch something else. Anything else. NOW.

The Nazi Eaters Documentary
A&E 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
People eating fascists.

Topless Doctor's Office Reality
Showtime 3:00 PM EDT/2:00 CDT
Attractive women agree to let cameras into their mammogram sessions. Adult program

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