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 “Boys will be boys,” Hagel admitted, “especially when the ranks are full of hot young women who fill out their uniforms in ways that “just naturally get men's attention.” However, the fact that sexual assaults have “put the military services on the nation's radar” is a clear indication, he says, that service members need “further training” in the subtleties of conducting such assaults without drawing “unwarranted attention.” Full story»   VANCOUVER, Canada -- Signing into the site, a rush of excitement always occurred. Would I be lucky today? Did the girl from the internet cafe in Fiji take me up on my offer? Did the guy in Texas get the point that I am not visiting him!?
Online dating is fun. It is also frustrating and weird. My experiment with the site Plenty of Fish began when searching for "plant food" on a lesser-known search engine on the outskirts of the Internet. Full story»  BOSTON, Massachusetts -- A designated hitter for the Boston Red Sox apparently known as Big Papi has detonated a powerful bomb in downtown Boston, but will not be punished.
On April 20, the slugger addressed a sold-out crowd at Boston's Fenway Park about the dangers posed by the running of the Boston Marathon. He stated, “This is our bleeping city, and nobody is going to dictate our freedom.” The remark was broadcast live on radio and television. Full story»  ATLANTA (Or Thereabouts), GA – It is feared that Reese Witherspoon, another aspiring Hollywood alcoholic, may be suffering from stage one of Alzheimer's disease. After her drunken husband, Jim Toth, and she were stopped on suspicion that Toth was driving while intoxicated, Witherspoon did not seem to know where--or even who--she was.
 OKLAHOMA CITY, IS OK – A sports blogger affiliated with CBS complained that Kelsey William, an Oklahoma Thunder-Down-Under Girl, is too “skinny” to be an NBA cheerleader. “I wouldn't let that skinny skank cheer at my son's Little League game, let alone an NBA game,” Claire Crawford, who is allegedly not related to supermodel Cindy Crawford, complained. “She looks positively anorexic!” Full story»
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| Your birthday this week: Taurus! Only men are born to this most dominant of signs. Taurii often refer to themselves in the third person, drink diet sodas, apply faux fur to their automobile interiors, gamble, drink to just short of excess, apply for loans under fraudulent pretenses, accumulate piles of flavored clothespins and study Spanish in their spare time. Common professions include rollerblading infantry, bar bouncer, musician, space alien and medical professional.
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |  This day in 2012 |
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