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Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 20:10:59 (UTC)

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Nayef Aziz
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia -- Saudi Arabia has declared war on Al Qaeda's wing in Yemen after a mail-bombing of “fat-shaming business cards” to XL Saudi officials in retaliation for their planned “Execution Festival”.

The day's headline act is the beheading of those convicted of “terrorist crimes” and will not feature a guitar solo. Full story»

Isis shop
MADISON AVENUE, New York City -- American analysts believe the Christmas shopping season might finally produce a Summer of Recovery.

After converting Thanksgiving to a big new retailing day, and Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Women and Minority-Owned Sunday, and Cyber Monday, the latest innovation is Terrorist Tuesday. Full story»

BRUSSELS, Belgium -- Brussels ministers have vowed not to bow down to terrorism, by bowing down before terrorism has a chance to occur.

The Schaarbeek mayor was perplexed why IS would want to come to a country rooted in long-standing ethnic, linguistic and socio-economic tensions. And the weather is crap. Full story»

Francois Hollande
PARIS, France -- French President François Hollande met with activists in preparation for an ambitious new treaty on global warming.

Leaders and jihadis from 140 countries converged on Paris for high-stakes talks on a broad, long-lasting deal to curb scary weather and replace it with scary concerts. Full story»

ZURICH, Switzerland -- The world's biggest international sporting organisations have agreed to combine all their toxic scandals and face the music together.

In a vote held at a secret location, those board members of FIFA and IAAF not either under a charge or in jail said they had 'an outline deal' to present to the press. Full story»

Obama at ASEAN
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia -- Ten southeast Asian leaders declared the area a Community that will decide the allowed flavors for potato chips and might confront China about its current work paving the South China Sea.

Obama sensed that the new Community needed a Community Activist, and warned the leaders about income inequality, as his own $400,000 far exceeds the pay of the people who just shot up Paris. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights December 1

Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.

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