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IRVING, Texas -- The National Council of the Boy Scouts has unveiled new policies banning anything to do with guns and other weapons including sickles and Popsicles.

A Cub Scout leader in Sunnyvale, California who has scolded both members of her den about "threatening" things like Hulk Hogan lunchpails hopes the new policy boosts membership, but opinion is running against her. Full story»

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Presidential candidate Rand Paul (R-KY) tried to filibuster the U.S. Senate Wednesday night but shut it down after only ten hours.

The move drew instant derision from fellow candidate Ted Cruz (R-TX), who in 2013 "kept it up" for a full 21 hours. Paul's career average of 11.5 hours per filibuster puts him at risk of being sent down to the minors before he can advance to the White House. Full story»

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RAMADI, Obama Province, Islamic State -- Mega-terrorist conglomerate ISIS has achieved its highest endorsement, gaining ISO 9000 accreditation.

The final hurdle to certification was devising an ISIS questionnaire by which to ensure proper notification of next-of-kin in the case of a mishap occurring to an employee during a planned mishap. Full story»

Airsoft BB
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PYONGYANG, North Korea — Pyongyang says it has developed miniaturized nuclear BBs making it possible to fit them into standard BB and Air-soft projectors.

The report comes just days after North Korea claimed a joint venture with Lucas Films to build a golf-ball-sized Death Star. Full story»

Kim Medium 4
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PYONGYANG, North Korea -- The DPRK said Wednesday that it can miniaturize supreme leader Kim Dung-Un II’s brain.

"We have also had the capability of reducing the brain size of other leaders, for some time," the DPRK, North Korean military said. Officials hope this new class of brain weapons can also minimize the leader's enormous ego. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights May 23

The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

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