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Oscar Wilde decides one day that he's going to replace all of his dirty, smelly old underwear with nice, new underwear. So he goes into a nearby shop and asks the clerk, "How much for a dozen pair of knickers?" The clerk looks puzzled and says, "But I don't want any knickers." Wilde doesn't let this dissuade him. He pulls one of the pairs of dirty, smelly old undershorts from his bag and says, "These knickers have been worn not only by me, Oscar Wilde, one of the greatest authors of the age, but also by two royal princes, at the same time. Surely they must be worth something? The clerk hesitates, then says: "Very well, I'll give you five shillings and six for the lot." Wilde hands the bag to the clerk, and the clerk gives him several coins in return. "I don't want to hear any complaints," says Wilde. "Now, how about the knickers I'm wearing right now? How much would you give me if I took them off right here in the shop, in front of all the other patrons?" The clerk hesitates again, then says: "Sixpence?" So Wilde takes another coin and removes his trousers and knickers in front of the astonished throng, revealing his erect penis, which is dressed up with a lovely pink ribbon and bow. Turning to the clerk, he says, "How much for the ribbon?"

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