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Oscar Wilde is drinking raspberry smoothies in a bar on Tottenham Court Road, when the Member of Parliament from Scunthorpe walks in. "Oscar, I do declare," says the MP, in a high, whiny-sounding voice. "You do declare what," replies Wilde. "Why, I've no idea," the MP says. So he and Oscar leave the bar and take a hansom to Harley Street, where Oscar claims to know someone who has some oregano. Only he insists on the British pronunciation of "or-uh-GAHN-oh," so when he gets there the person has no idea what he's talking about, and tells him to "get lost." The MP flies into a rage at this, and strikes the guy with his walking stick, which as it turns out is made of pure swiss cheese. Wilde notices this and asks, "What is the point of having a walking stick made out of swiss cheese? Surely it could not possibly support your enormous weight." The MP thinks about this for a minute, then replies: "How do you think I managed to become this heavy," or some such rubbish. The MP then proceeds to eat the walking stick while Wilde argues with the or-uh-GAHN-oh man for a while. Ultimately, Wilde and the MP, whose name turns out to be Melvin, walk off in search of a poetry contest. Finding one, they sit down and hatch a sinister plot to destroy the world, using nothing but a side of mutton which they intend to buy at the local butcher's.

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