Uncyclopedia:VFH/queue

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Below are the articles which have passed VFH and are currently in the feature queue, awaiting placement on the front page. Articles should change over automatically at 12:00am UTC. You may need to refresh the page if it doesn't seem current.

Current time: 4:33am, 25 April 2014 UTC
Time until switchover: 19 hours (refresh)


Thursday, 24 April (-1 day) Friday, 25 April (today's feature) Saturday, 26 April (+1 day) Sunday, 27 April (+2 days) Monday, 28 April (+3 days)
Death No current feature. Tell an admin on IRC. No feature queued No feature queued No feature queued
HumanSkull

Death is the process by which live things complete the transition to becoming dead things. Traditionally, this is achieved by ceasing all biological functions and falling to the floor as a lifeless pile of jelly. The generally agreed procedure at this point is to attract hundreds of insects and decompose horribly. There are very few departures from this formula and, given that everybody who goes through it is dead, this is unlikely to change any time soon.

Death has been the subject of extensive debate over the years. There are hundreds of competing theories for what happens afterwards. These range from being reborn to absolutely nothing happening whatsoever and entering a state of eternal nothingness — an eternal oblivion. The state of eternal oblivion is easily experienced by taking a stopping train to Aberystwyth, or by inviting a plumber to explain exactly what he is doing to the ball-cock.

It is common for people to have funerals after they die. These funerals are where friends of the deceased mourn their passing, before descending into petty squabbles and litigation over the deceased person's will. Death is often described as being the ultimate leveller. As Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius observed in 180 AD: "It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live." Such a quotation is sure to enliven any post-bereavement repast. (more...)

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