Uncyclopedia:VFH/UnNews:Embarrassed paedophile apologizes to children for poor sexual performance

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UnNews:Embarrassed paedophile apologizes to children for poor sexual performance (history, logs)

Article: UnNews:Embarrassed paedophile apologizes to children for poor sexual performance

Score: 7 unsatisfied preteens

Nominated by: El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 17:05, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
For: 14
  1. Symbol for vote For. My latest rare-and-random appearance here and I came across this gem. Would like to see how it fares here. --El Sid, the lazy oneparlez-vous franglais? 17:05, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Symbol for vote For. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:29, 21 January 2010
  3. Ape. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN17:36, 21 Jan
  4. Four. -- sheer Ape (anglicanise) (Riot Porn) 19:07, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  5. God Help UsThe article is so-so, but accented the photo caption, which I laughed and laughed at. So to me the entire article supports the photo and caption. I'm an embarrassed paedophile to be voting for this, and know that I have I seem to have crossed over to the dark side. Hey, it's pretty bitchin' over here! WoW! Yeah, sure, pass me that, thanks. (OK, read it again, the article is pretty funny. Must be that my pov has changed now that I've crossed over) Aleister in Chains Dark side, MMX
  6. For. A bit short, but very funny. HELPME 22:41, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  7. Conditional For. I changed my vote on the condition that the article has an image that's not a real child. I still think the article's a little short, though. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 22:46, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Symbol for vote For.Paizuri MUN (Talk Contribs Poll!) 23:20, 21 January 2010 (UTC)
  9. For. A bit short but funny enough. Nice to see you on here and doing stuff Sid. --Hugs and kisses, Black_Flamingo 23:33, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  10. Lol Hehe, nicely done. PoliszSir Ptok-BentonicznyPisz tutaj KUN 20:23, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
  11. Ankh smite Yeah Could definitely be expanded, but I love the idea. Ya know, in a legal way. JennygunJenny? 03:27,26January,2010
  12. For. WanderingGuy 18:27, January 31, 2010 (UTC)
  13. For. Controversia, but yes. InMooseWeTrust 03:38, February 2, 2010 (UTC)
  14. For. But the original version and picture made me feel a lot dirtier. T. Danger P-trow 00:46, February 11, 2010 (UTC)
Against: 7
  1. Against the photo. I like the article fine and would vote for, even though it's a little short. But I don't like having a real-life little girl being displayed to the world as the victim of sexual assault, even as a joke. How would you feel if you were her mother or father? WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 22:20, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
I went ahead and changed the photo to a temporary one, see my comment below. If think Why? is correct on this one. Although a better cartoon can be found, this is just a temp. graphic.Aleister in Chains a few minutes after Why?s comment, MMX
  1. Against. Not a feature worthy article in my view. LaurelsRomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 22:23, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  2. Against. Anime is NOT funny. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN23:34, 21 Jan
    I strongly disagree, but I do prefer the article with the last pic. -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 23:44, Jan. 21, 2010
  3. Against. I think that there just isn't enough funny here to make a feature. ChiefjusticeDS 23:59, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
  4. Against per above. It's kind of a one-hit wonder as articles go. Amusing but no feature. --Pleb SYNDROME CUN medicate (butt poop!!!!) 00:07, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
  5. Against. Didn't do it for me. ~Jewriken.GIF 08:19, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
    Didn't do it for you sexually, you mean? Eh? Eh?! Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 17:01, Jan 22 2010
  6. Ehhh... There was maybe one laugh. :/ Necropaxx (T) {~} Friday, 17:01, Jan 22 2010
  7. Against. I rarely vote against on VFH. But I always say that when I do. Globaltourniquet GlobalTourniquetUnAstrologer, UnJournalist, shameless narcissistic America-hating liberal atheist award-winning featured writer 17:45, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
  8. Against. No, I don't think this is feature worthy, kind of disturbing to be honest. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 16:05 EST 23 January, 2010
  9. Against. Sorry folks, I'm just not feeling this one. It's a one-joke idea, and I personally didn't find the joke that funny. --UU - natter UU Manhole 15:45, Feb 1
  10. Nope In true Romartus style, I cannot vote for these as the geese were flying East this morning, and in the next town a dog gave birth to a serpent. Pup
Comments
  1. Why is likely right about the photo. Maybe look for one of those Japanese drawings everyone is crazy about, go through a couple of dozen little girl graphics and one would fit the page. It's good to have a level-headed user around, even though he's a pain sometimes. Thanks for the keen visions of parents in shock. Aleister in Chains now, MMX
I think the new image is fine. And thanks for callng me a level-header user and a pain. I'll accept both descriptions. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 22:52, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
Facepalm
FFS. -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN22:41, 21 Jan
Statement by admin MrN9000: "Pictures of children on Uncyc is fine. Pictures of children in an article about paedophiles is very dodgy... That picture with that caption... No. Not a chance. That new image is much better." WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:44, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
New anime up, as a stopgap until the author chooses one. Aleister in Chains MMX
I like the other anime image better. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 23:54, January 21, 2010 (UTC)
The third one made me laugh. With the second image there is no way to imagine what's "in" and what's going on that's not seen. So I like the third, but it's actually none of our choices, but the author. I 'vote' for the third over the second. Al the phedo a minute or so later, MMX
It's the author's choice? Since when have we been respectful of authors? We don't need no stinkin' authors! (Seriously, it's usually the choice of whoever holds out the longest, unless an admin steps in it). WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 00:03, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
Syndrome (I think) just put up a really funny anime. Better than the other two. Al MMX
The image as of right now I like just fine. WHY???PuppyOnTheRadio 00:09, January 22, 2010 (UTC)
This has my vote. -- Kip > Talk Works Puzzle Potato Dry Brush CUN Icons-flag-us 00:18, Jan. 22, 2010
Then vote!  :P -OptyC Sucks! Icons-flag-us CUN00:19, 22 Jan

If the article is about young girls who are unsatisfied with their molestations, why is there a picture of a happy drawing on it? I think I'm missing something here. It looks like this has something to do with some argument or something, but I'm not going to read it, because I don't really care. The image caption would be perfect if the image made sense. - T.L.B. Baloon WotM, UotM, FPrize, AotM, ANotM, PLS, UN:HS, GUN 05:44, Jan 23

Led, if you go back through the article history you can see the proper image that made sense. It wasn't my choice to put some stupid fucking cartoon on it. -- sheer Ape (anglicanise) (Riot Porn) 11:01, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
Yea, it was a lot more funny with the original image which Ape used. Shame using that image would have meant that we were using a real photo of a real child who can't defend themselves as a sexual object. Hea, if someone here has a young daughter, or sister who understands the context of this article and they want to use their own picture in it then lets do that. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 11:26, Jan 23

  • Just to be clear on what I just said above... My problem with the original image was the fact that (as far as I know) this is some random picture from the net, and we have no idea who the child in question is. Using this girl in this way cut all over whatever ethical standpoint I may have left because it's actually hurting that child. However... Being the sick bastard that I am I do totally agree that this image was by far the most funny of all those proposed. Using a cartoon was pants, and even using the current picture of Cyrus is pants cos she clearly knows what she is doing in that picture (in her pants) and so IMO is more than fair game. So... What we need here to make this article funny again is a real picture of a young kid. Wait! FTW are you talking about MrN??? Um. Well... Like you buggers don't have any pictures of yourselves when you were younger? How about a picture of your wife, g/f or mum when she was younger? It does not even need to be a female for the joke to work, although that's probably best. What I'm saying is... Scan through your own personal photo albums, and find a picture of someone who has now grown up and does not mind having their picture used here. For me, this would be totally fine from an ethical point of view. OK, it would be very hard for me to check if such a picture really was of a family member of the person who post it, but I think I would trust them, and anyway if I did ever find out that it was not I'm happy to trawl back through Uncyc deleting everything which they have ever done after they had obviously been blocked for life. So... Let it not be said that Uncyc is/or is turning into a bunch of pussies. We can have that joke, we just need someone to donate a picture. So... Who has some old photo albums? MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 17:33, Jan 23
    How about this picture? I just found it on deviantART. She looks old enough. Sir SockySexy girls Mermaid with dolphin Tired Marilyn Monroe (talk) (stalk)Magnemite Icons-flag-be GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:25, 23 January 2010
    That is not your mother Socky. You are such a fibber. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 18:00, Jan 23
    If I can find a way to get at my old family photos without my parents finding out I'm doing it I'll post up one of me. -- sheer Ape (anglicanise) (Riot Porn) 18:21, January 23, 2010 (UTC)
    What about 011608_shields78_240x320.jpg It's Brooke Shields playing a 12 year old prostitute. Dame Pleb Com. Miley Spears (talk) 05:45, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

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