Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/3

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MONSTER

Alright. So. This is going to be cool. Because. You see. Therefore. Once upon a time. There was this really big house. Inside the house was a monster. Oh. This is a newspaper. Well, in that case, the monster was operating a grow op. Right. And the monster was named Skullthumper (because this is his fault, really, when you deconstruct it down to the last proton). Yeah!!!! But. Going onwards and upwards. The cops busted the grow op. It was fucking huge, man. THIS IS NEWS. IN THE UNSIGNPOST.

-- Written By Guest Star Zombiebaron


Yes!

My ban got a blurb! A BLURB!!!!!!! Movin' on up! (Movin' on up!) To the east side! To a deeeee-lux ayyyy-partment in the SKYYYYYYYY!!! --Littleboyonly TKFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK Oldmanonly 03:05, 29 May 2008 (UTC)

I agree that you're moving on up... in the WEIRDO apartments ...score one for the Caj man.   Le Cejak <3:14, 29 May 2008>

May 36th?

I saw that you are beginning work on the next issue. But how can May have 36 days?  nyp 03:24, 29 May 2008

First of all, you're a snooper. SNOOP SNOOP SNOOP that's all you do, Nyp! Second of all, because I say so.   Le Cejak <3:25, 29 May 2008>

I can has story?

Actually, I was thinking that PEEING deserves a story in this issue. The recent denial of Orian into the rank of Attending may be newsworthy. Or you could do a story on how we recently set Boomer adrift. I could write either story if you'd want me to/let me. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 14:26 May 29

go ahead and paste it down below. But, uh, I don't want anything volatile or mean.   Le Cejak <14:34, 29 May 2008>
Who do you think you're talking to? Since when am I ever mean? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 14:40 May 29
I seem to remember a certain article on veterans that made my ol' gramps start screaming and having delusions about being in the jungle written by a little newb we all know!   Le Cejak <14:48, 29 May 2008>
I finally got some hate comments on that article, too. I dunno if you've seen the talk page recently. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 15:12 May 29

Boomer, Captain Catheter and resident do-nothing asshat was recently set adrift by his own PEEING subordinates after some recent dispute that all of PEEING seems to have forgotten. This reporter personally investigated the story and followed the trail of urine in the ocean to check up on Boomer, who had been cemented to a boat and then set adrift. This reporter found him 10 miles off the coast of Newfoundland, which probably means that the distance would be measured in kilometers instead, however no one at the UnSignpost knows how to use the metric system, being run by goddamn Americans. Boomer seemed to be holding up alright, resorting to eating the concrete for sustenance. He did not have much of a comment, as he was still attempting to chew the side of the boat when this reporter discovered him, however one thing came as surprising both to the members of PEEING and the Uncyc community at large: Boomer was peeing. Many believed that the man who founded PEEING ironically had a bladder the size of Cajek's OEJ's left nut, explaining why he never reviewed any articles. Alas, he had been pissing himself day and night with new found strength, and for this reason has been accepted back into PEEING with the hopes that he might actually start reviewing some damn articles again. This is, despite this recent development, highly unlikely.

~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 14:47 Jun 1

Oh, cool! Maybe make it a little longer? I find two large paragraphs does the trick.   Le Cejak <14:50, 01 Jun 2008>
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE GETTING OUT OF ME YOU CROOK! And I figured that since you had a lot going into the UnSignpost this issue (UnProvise better get a long front page story!) that I would keep this kinda brief. But I'll add to it if you still want me to. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 15:14 Jun 1

Obscure Brit Dialect Guessing Time

So, if you still want one for the next issue, what do you reckon "ivver sin a cuddy lowp a yat?" could possibly mean? (No Googling). --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:53, May 29

Whoa! (definitely will include in next issue) Uh, "ivver" could mean "I have a", "sin" could be "son", "a" could mean "a", "cuddy" could be "could" or something... hell I don't know!   Le Cejak <14:58, 29 May 2008>
Well, now we're moving into the realms of supremely useful English. The delightful Cumbrians use this regularly to ask each other "ever seen a donkey jump a gate?" I think you'll agree, there is hardly a conversation that goes by where this expression wouldn't come in handy! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:06, May 29
Are you talking about your dick? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 15:07 May 29

Probably a crappy idea, but...

How about a sort of condensed version of {{MonthlyAwards}} for NotM or something, so that people who don't necessarily care about otM awards, but care enough about Uncyc to have signed up here, can see who our up-and-comers (probably Cheap at this point) are? Probably best suited for the right as an award ceremony thing (unless you make it like this, which would probably be a better idea actually (with adjustments, obviously)). Also, (I (like (brackets, (apparently)))). ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 29/05 15:17

Yes, that's a crappy idea. On a completely unrelated note, how about a section rounding up who's won all of the "of the Month" awards in a concise yet amusing way? I have these moments of inspiration at times. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:29, May 29
No, that's stupid. How about instead, we have one part of the Signpost where the winners of various awards (NotM, UotM, etc) have a few lines written about them? There could even be some jokes. Spang talk 18:38, 29 May 2008
FU SPANG. That's ridiculous. What needs to happen is there needs to be a quick little blurb about the monthly award winners along with some wicked funny shit about what losers they are and how they don't deserve the awards and whatnot. Also, ice cream. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 18:49 May 29
You all suck. In a moment of inspiration I had the wonderful idea we just link to porn sites and crappy ads so we can make a killing off the windfall. Also, all of your idea suck. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 13:54, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
That's a much better idea DJ! Let's pocket the money and run! ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 1/06 14:44

 ????

cool i am in the unsignpost. i am cool YAY.Baseball16 22:06, 30 May 2008 (UTC)

cool {{USERNAME}} strikes again. you are lame. YAY. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 22:18 May 30
shut up i am cool. YAY. f*** u. Baseball16 22:23, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
o sry i 4got u wer cool sry buddeh ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 22:25 May 30
WTF R U SAYING U MOTHER FU**ER.Baseball16 22:39, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
I'm saying the blurb was nothing more than the {{USERNAME}} template. Sorry to rob you of the 30 seconds of fame you thought you had. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 22:44 May 30
OMFG i thought i was famous. You know what. F*** U ALL U F@#$%^& GO TO MOTHER F@#$%^ HELL.Baseball16 23:31, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
Okay. But I can't promise that I'll recognize you. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 23:35 May 30
OMFG SHUT THE F!@# UP YOU MOTHER F$%^&*( B!@#$. Baseball16 23:42, 30 May 2008 (UTC)
Sorry if it tricked you. It got me too ten thousand times in the past.   Le Cejak <0:08, 31 May 2008>
Yeah. On an unrelated note, isn't <insert name here> just the biggest douche ever? ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 00:15 May 31
Not as much as SysRq. What a douche.   Le Cejak <0:17, 31 May 2008>
Yeah, Cajek is an absolute fag too. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 00:21 May 31
What about <insert name here> and his sister, SysRq? I'd say they're both big ol' fags.   Le Cejak <0:26, 31 May 2008>
Yeah, that SysRq is one hell of a fuck, though. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 01:03 May 31
SHUT YOUR F!@#$%^ MOUTHS I AM NOT A DOUCHE YOU FAGS.!$%*%$U%^&*()&*(^(%Baseball16 12:59, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
I meant <insert name here>. <insert name here> is a total faggot. I bet I could totally kick <insert name here>'s ass if it came to blows. I may just fight that kid anyways if I'm feeling bored enough. What a loser. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 13:25 May 31
<insert name here>'s sister is such a slut, ya know? - [13:25 31 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
Yeah, YesTimeToEdit's sister is a slut. Not as much as <insert name here>'s sister though. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 13:35 May 31
<insert name here> is a bitch ain't it? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 13:50, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
I hope <insert name here> never does anything well, 'cause that user is a fucking disgrace. Should be banned or something. - [13:54 31 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
<insert name here> should be banned, it is like crack except lamer. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 13:56, 31 May 2008 (UTC)
I hate DJ Irreverent. And <insert name here>. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 14:08 May 31
AAAH! STOOOPPP YOU ASSSHOOOOOOO-   Le Cejak <14:18, 31 May 2008>
  1. $^&*^*&^*$%^ F**K U MOTHER F**KR I F*CKIN HATE YOU GO TO HELL AND DIE F**KR13867186*/*+@$#&%*$*#@ ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 14:28 May 31
  2. F*** NO, RETARD! - [14:31 31 May] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise
You all suck some of yourself cause you are all dicks. MGR. baseball16Baseball16 00:29, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
Cute. Also, !@#$%^&*&%^$%^#. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 02:07 Jun 3
Gawd I suck. <insert name here> 18:26, 3 June 2008 (UTC)
Yeah, VGDictator, you totally suck. Probably not as bad as <insert name here> does, but you still suck something fierce. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUNWotMRotMAotMVFHSKPEEINGHPBFF @ 18:32 Jun 3
Sadly I must agree. VGD >=3 18:20, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

Cajek banned from Wookieepedia. Darth Vader and others speak out to Guest reporter ThePaleOne

It has been reported on #uncyclopedia at Cajek, our resident editor, has been banned from the "Star Wars Wiki", Wookieepedia. There has been an outrage in the star wars community, as they find Cajek to be a charming and respectable fellow. Even us here at the the UnSignPost believe so, ( but don't tell Cajek that! )

I spoke to one Cajek fan, Darth Vader, to see what kind of impact this has had on the community. "It really is tragic to see him get banned," said a distraught Vader, with tears dripping from his helmet, "I just don't understand it! How can there be no Cajek?! We've seen his greatest and sometimes his somewhat lameness. But we will be EPIC FAIL without him" Vader's emotionally wrecked state shows the devastation caused by the Wookieepedia senate's unruly vote. I just hope Palpatine wasn't behind this, I voted for him too!

I sat down with another fan, Jar Jar Binks, to discuss this radical move. "Mesa think its outrageous! Mesa no like Wookieepedia afta this! This beein worse than <insert name here>'s bombad faggotry!" And indeed it is. Personally, I denounce the Leftist Bias of Wookieepedia and their slander against Cajek. What did he ever do to them right? Personally, I hope Something really bad happens to those immature, pubescent, oxycotin sniffing children. In other news, 52% of Uncyclopedia agrees that Cajek should be set on fire on Sunday's Luau against 45% for drowned in his own discharge. 3% were undecided.

Those Bastards!

- ThePaleOne


That be my draft, don't ram my arse into the ground FU PALEY

UnPrivvy

You think UnProvise could sneak into the next UnSignpost? - [11:21 1 June] Sir FSt. Don Pleb Yettie (talk) QotF BFF NotM RotM UNPotM UGotM CUN PEE SR UnProvise

Already done   Le Cejak <14:41, 01 Jun 2008>

User:Cajek/Pee#The Current Top 5

How about the quest to find UU's 1 bad review? MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 19:37, Jun 1

It's a myth, but keep the number there anyway.   Le Cejak <2:12, 02 Jun 2008>
How about finding my 1 good review? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 02:16, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
Also myth: must delete   Le Cejak <2:17, 02 Jun 2008>
I'm sure if you added all my reviews together you would get a... wait you would get a bigger pile of crap :/ --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 02:21, 2 June 2008 (UTC)
I FOUND IT!!! I FOUND HIS BAD REVIEW!!! Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Whiskey Equivalence Warm Regards, ▀ĴαVắśСąР▀17:10 June 12 2008

Qua's Userpage

Can this be on the UnSignpost? --¿Qua? es mi página de discusión, es lo que mi contribuiría 02:30, 2 June 2008 (UTC)

I could do a biopic on you...   Le Cejak <2:33, 02 Jun 2008>

This has got to be easier than spamming talkpages by myself

User:Under user/SparkGallery - fancy askin' folk to add themselves via the medium of your inestimable UnSignpost? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:36, Jun 3

Also: you look disappointingly normal. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:37, Jun 3
I know!   Le Cejak <14:12, 03 Jun 2008>

How's about a section for VFD vote/nomination of the week?

My current fav would be: on Wet socks "Kerkill Two year-old sockcruft. --Dexter111344" MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 22:53, Jun 4

Wait, I is famous? --MegaPleb Dexter111344 Complain here 14:46, 5 June 2008 (UTC)

How's about a section for VFD vote/nomination of the week quote quote of the week?

My current fav would be: on on Wet socks "Kerkill Two year-old sockcruft. --Dexter111344" - Wait, I is famous? --Dexter111344

i can haz....aww fuck, somebody already used this title

I want to ramble about the stupidities of life, news and customers you get at part-time jobs. UnSignPost would be the perfect place to do such a job. I was wondering if I could become a writer. ^_^ I already have something planned, and it's in regards to that tomato ban recently. - RougethebatAdmiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate SonicLivesPicture 20:17, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, post your story here and I'll edit it.   Le Cejak <20:42, 12 Jun 2008>

MrN's VFD vote/nomination of the week?

I don't think this will be topped :-) On Italians...

  • Symbol delete vote Delete. - Did a revert on this earlier, then realised it was utter balls. --Bonner

Everything one could wish for in a VFD nomination. MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 18:14, Jun 13

XD sirIgnignokt.gifsysrq @ 18:34 Jun 13

This is hilarious reading

Add it like, somewhere.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 21:50 Jun 13, 2008

User:MrN9000/Whorehouse

Any chance of a mention in the next edition? MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 01:25, Jun 15

Ramblings on 'Media': Tomato Rama

It all started when 110 people-ish got Salmonella poisoning. But where oh where did this all start from? A can of rotten beans, Wendy's chili, a bad batch of Keanu Reeves' socks?

Nope, it was all from tomatoes. Yes, those little juicy red things we always get on our Whoppers, the stuff that makes the sauce on most of the pizzas we make, a topping on many pasta dishes. News goes out that 110 people get sick off of tomatoes in the United States of America and, load and behold, everybody freaks out over something they've been eating for their whole lives almost everyday. All thanks to, you guessed it, the media.

When you heard of this case of salmonella poisoning, did any of you hear about what CAUSED the problem rather than the SOURCE? It may have simply been mishandling by one McDonalds employee of a batch of tomatoes, or yes, it could've been something involving the actual farm where it was made.

I will say this though, think about not what the media tells you, but the background of what they do NOT tell you.

A rambling by RougethebatAdmiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate SonicLivesPicture 22:58, 15 June 2008 (UTC)

This

Cover it or else.  Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize  writings  SU&W) 06:26 Jun 16, 2008

DO IT!!!1!11!1111!1!1 :D --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 06:29, 16 June 2008 (UTC)

UU's obscure etc etc

"I wanna new wicker wacker". Any guesses before I supply the answer? (Any passing Mhailles are requested not to contribute as they stand a chance of knowing). --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:16, Jun 17

I want a new penis enlargement? Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57 Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 12:17 17 June 2008

Discerning Uncyclopedians finding themselves in the heart of Liverpool, but worryingly badly dressed, should fret no more - this handy phrase allows them to ask "can I have a new suit please sir?" like a native. It's anyone's guess as to what they'll end up clad in though. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:11, Jun 18

Like...TWO EFFING STORIES i kno rite

Get ready for the ejaculation of the century, because there's no spitting this one up, baby. The preceding unsigned comment was added by SysRq (talk • contribs)

SysRq buys a tuba

On Monday, local Favorite User Ever SysRq traveled away from his computer, his home, and even his current state of residence to search far and wide for a ludicrously expensive low brass instrument. He arrived some town he can't even remember in Maryland with one thing on his mind: the challenge Dr. Skullthumper had made the night before over IRC. He told SysRq "I DARE you to write an article for the UnSignpost about buying a tuba!" These taunting comments haunted poor SysRq, but his love for the tuba allowed him to travel onward. After much deliberation, the choice came down to two horns. The only differences between the two were that one had rotary valves, was much prettier, and was a full $2100 more expensive than the other. The decision was clear.

But now came the real challenge: getting home. As was previously mentioned, our hero was a long way from home. And living in the clogged toilet that is the American east, getting back was going to be more than a chore. After sitting in traffic for two hours, SysRq had had enough. But then his mom bought him lunch at Panera and so he was okay and slept all the way home the end.

Zeus discovered among Uncyclopedia users, actually writes some funny stuff

Beloved IRC regular and self-proclaimed greatest writer ever RAHB recently confirmed rumors that he is, in fact, Zeus, king of the gods. The following is an excerpt of the IRC interview in which the almighty revealed himself to man and Uncyclopedian in grand form:

[19:00] <SisReck> RAHB: Now I heard that you and Zeus are one and the same. Is this true?
[19:00] <RAHB> SisReck: Zeus who?
[19:00] <SisReck> RAHB: Zeus, the almighty king of the gods.
[19:00] <RAHB> oh
[19:00] <SisReck> I heard you were like his alias.
[19:00] <SisReck> Is this true?
[19:00] <SisReck> Can you confirm this for the UnSignpost?
[19:00] <RAHB> I thought you were talking about a user
[19:00] <RAHB> yes, I am Zeus
[19:00] <SisReck> No.
[19:00] <EnzoAquarius> Men Men Men Men
[19:01] <EnzoAquarius> Menly Men Men
[19:01] <SisReck> Okay.
[19:01] <EnzoAquarius> AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
[19:01] <EnzoAquarius> Meeeeeen
[19:01] <RAHB> Tell the UnSignpost that I am Zeus and have divulged this information for the privelage of all of uncyclopedia to partake of
This interview has also confirmed that Enzo, resident closeted homo, is in fact a closeted homo. This was, until recently, based purely on speculation, fueled by previous slipups, such as "Later guys, I'm gonna go pump some men and watch some iron...I mean pump some iron and watch some men."

I wouldn't wipe my ass with this newspaper now :( gay jokes :/ --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 13:05, 18 June 2008 (UTC)
What's wrong with gay jokes? I thought it was funny. Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57 Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 13:07 18 June 2008
Oh well. If you like them... Olipro jokes are never old though :D --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent Icons-flag-au Noobaward Wotm Unbooks mousepad GUN 13:15, 18 June 2008 (UTC)

One more thing

So I was going to write another story on something that happened in IRC, and I was thinking: "Why not give SysRq his own column on IRC happenings?" I think that IRC events should have their own distinction, and newsworthy things happen in IRC all the time. So can I have my own column? I already have a catchy title and everything: "A minute at #uncyclopedia". (I'll write this story I was planning on writing when I get home from work.) sirErr.gifsysrq @ 12:56 Jun 18

If he gets one I want one too!

I've had this idea for a few days actually, since I wrote this for my blog. could i do an agaony uncle column? Maybe I could have a box "Question of the week" or something, It's just an idea. I'd still answer in the style of Lyle Crump (my fictional agony uncle) but I think it could be funny. Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57 Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 13:09 18 June 2008

Perhaps we could alternate? If Cajek gives us the okay, then we could use the spot one week for my column, and then the next week for yours. I like that idea. sirErr.gifsysrq @ 19:32 Jun 18
Yeah we could do, see what Cajek says. Maybe we could have both as last week there was alot of space down the side and I was just think of doing a "question of the week" box. but yeah I'd be happy to alternate, columns with you. Have Fun!MuCal. Orian57 Orian57Talk!Read!PEE!UnProvise!CMC! 19:54 18 June 2008

Qua may be fucked says Uncyclopedian committee

by Regret Tenenbaum
Syphoned from Forum:The case of Qua is now on trial by the community

Qua. To most, this may sound like the name of a trustworthy, friendly user. It's simple enough. Qua. It simply rolls off the trachea, does it not? Hell, the guy wrote the UnSignpost's last-but-one headliner! Regardless, behind the name hides a user whose legacy for vandalism and debauchery spans the lifespan of eight separate usernames. Qua (aka The Improver/Uncognito/Nekami/SU182/Insignia/NXWave/EvaWNX) has been put up for review by all of Uncyclopedia, who shall decide his fate.

He has been charged with such crimes as blatant vandalism, blanking pages, scaring off users and being "an ass"(Source: Modusoperandi), although some have decided to fight for his (it is a he, right?) rights, stating "It seems like he really is trying to be helpful, except he is also a dick."(Source: The UnIdiot)

Mordillo, who introduced the case, commented: "We have a repeating user who now evaded bans for 5 times, which by itself constitutes as a violation of acceptable behavior around here. Also, two of his aliases actively harassed, threatened and ran off at least one good (very good in fact) user off the site."

As of now, the score is 7 for staying (with limited rights) and 17 for staying blocked. Wow.

With all of this taken into account, the bottom line is that Qua's very existence lies in YOUR hands (try not to fondle him). That's right YOU! And so, the question becomes "What in the hell are YOU going to do with all this power?"

Hey, at least I tried, right? And if this article doesn't make it I have another one lined up: N00b attempts to capitalize on major issue, epic fail imminent --- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 05:35, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

I gots one! I does

But it can't appear until the beginning of next month. If it appears now, it will be vanity and whoring, but by next month it will just be vanity. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 20:59, 24 June 2008 (UTC)

looking forward to it, Modus.   Le Cejak <22:17, 24 Jun 2008>
Where do I put it? Also, when should I put it wherever I put it? Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 22:29, 24 June 2008 (UTC)
It's here. Sir Modusoperandi Boinc! 05:39, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Codeine Does it Again!

For the ban portion of the paper:

  • (Block log); 18:54 . . Codeine (Talk | contribs) (blocked User:71.231.38.117 with an expiry time of 1 week: No, Pete Doherty is a talentless junkie cunt. Deal with it.)

- RougethebatAdmiral Enzo Aquarius-Dial the Gate SonicLivesPicture 18:57, 25 June 2008 (UTC)

Sad to see the demise of this

I just read today's edition. UnSignpost is an awesome idea and it'll be a tragedy if it dies! Problem is, not much is actually happening in the Uncyc community at the moment - no Aspie vandal, the Benson crap has died off and even the steady flow of new users has lessened to a trickle. Things have become stale so I don't envy your task.

Hold on, maybe that's a solution in itself - classic nonsense from the past and stuff! The legacy of Fisher Price... Gwax - where is he now? And so on. Also, I love the ban log. Why not do a special on deletion messages too? I usually find those much funnier than the block comments.

Anyways, I wanted to ask you if you'd very kindly do a piece on Illogicopedia for the next edition, maybe with a gold star offer for anyone who mentions they found the site via UnSignpost. You would make this old man insane idiot very happy. -- Hindleyite Converse 20:05, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

We could easily do a story on Illogicopedia, although i've only been there a hand full of times. Really we just let anyone who has a story put it in there. and we're not dead yet. As long as I'm still here, its still getting delivered every week. Even if it is a blank template Lieutenant THEDUDEMAN Dude ... Totally UOTM KUN GotA F@H 20:13, 28 June 2008 (UTC)

But does it matter that the flow of new users has slowed if one as awesome as I have come? (I'm trying this whole cocky-asshole thing...I don't think I'm very good at it.) The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 03:54, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Penis?

what an edit... MrN Icons-flag-gb HalIcon.png WhoreMrn.png Fork you! 21:00, Jun 28

An idea

OHHHH! OHHHH OHHH OH OHHHHH! /me raises hand. I has an idea. It's not good, but it is an idea for some filler. Ready?

The Diary of a Young Girl n00b

It could be a week behind the mind of some random n00b. The ins and outs of learning about Uncyc, and the hilarious missteps on the way. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 04:05, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

sounds good! Write it up, Woody.   Le Cejak <4:12, 01 Jul 2008>
Ok. When do you need it by? The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 04:16, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
If you want it in this Thusday's issue, I'll need it by...
uuuhhhh
uuuuuummmmm
eeerrrrrrrr
Thursday.   Le Cejak <4:19, 01 Jul 2008>
I'm not sure If I understand this concept of Thursday, but I'll see what I can do. Should probably look back to see what I was doing a week ago... The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 04:21, 1 July 2008 (UTC)
I finished a draft. I'm not sure how long you wanted this. I tried to make all the entries short and sweet. It looks a little ugly now, you can do what you want with it. Tell me what you want me to do with it. User:The Woodburninator/TheDiaryofaYoungn00b The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 19:37, 1 July 2008 (UTC)

Also an idea

Why not do a few interviews? I think you've done some before, but why not write up some questions, grab some user on IRC, and see what happens? - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon Baloon(Tick Tock) (Contribs) 04:17, Jul 1

Great! You're on it, ace reporter Balloon! (I'm not on Chat enough to do that) Yes! Go do it! BTW, I made up all those quotes from other users. Seriously.   Le Cejak <4:19, 01 Jul 2008>

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