Uncyclopedia:UnSignpost/Press Room/20

Delivery again

Here it is. Thanks to anyone who gets it done. --ChiefjusticePSX 19:55, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

Done. And thanks for plugging TAW by the way. MadMax 21:05, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

Mon, I have a bot specifically for this you know... 1234 ~ 22:13, 4 January 2012

Cheers Max, a day early is better than a day late. Thanks for reminding me about TAW, I'll do some more on it next week. Lyrithya, do you want me to post it on your talk page in future so the bot can do it? Wasn't sure if you were around enough to do it, sorry. --ChiefjusticePSX 22:28, January 4, 2012 (UTC)

Can I just give you the account password and let you click the button? >.> Were I any good at bots, it'd be automated like fnoodle... but I'm not. And I'm too lazy to figure out how. 1234 ~ 15:40, 5 January 2012

If you like. I may just go mad with the power though. --ChiefjusticePSX 19:52, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

You're not already mad with power? 1234 ~ 21:41, 5 January 2012

I always strive to do better. --ChiefjusticePSX 22:09, January 5, 2012 (UTC)

I am back!

I Am Back 

By PopGoesTheWeasel

After days of sweating over the cookies of my slaves, I'm finally back! 

I'll be creating a few more UnSignpost articles along the way so get ready! 

Oh and by the way, my assistant is typing this for me. It's miraculous, but it was'nt Magic man who turned me into a frog this time. It was Chief and he turned me into a potato, much to my dismay.

--POP!GoesTheWeasel 07:07, January 12, 2012 (UTC)

You got turned into the sacred root of Sophia! You lucky, lucky bastard. Pup 08:40 12 Jan '12

I actually begged him before he would turn me back into myself again. I've got to beg a lot, eh? *Sigh* --POP!GoesTheWeasel 13:33, January 13, 2012 (UTC)

This week

My work times have changed for today so I am unable to finish the UnSignpost. If anyone else could swing by and pick up the slack it would be much appreciated. Here it is. --08:06, January 18, 2012 (UTC)

I went ahead and finished it for you. Feel free to delete the page out of sheer embarrassment for my edits. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:30, 18 January 2012

Could make more sense; the SOPA thing ends five hours after it will be delivered assuming it even gets delivered on time (and when does that ever happen anymore?)... but then again, why would anyone expect the UnSignpost to be on top of things?

Maybe Ill just add something appropriately mocking. 1234 ~ 19:45, 18 January 2012

If you could deliver it Lyrithya I would be ever so grateful. --ChiefjusticePSX 08:57, January 19, 2012 (UTC)

Dammit, is it thursday? What happened to wednesday? 1234 ~ 14:48, 19 January 2012

A blackout happened. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:09, 19 January 2012

Delivery

I practically wrote it with my blood this week. If someone could deliver it I'd be very grateful. Here it is. --ChiefjusticePSX 23:57, January 25, 2012 (UTC)

I was going to write one, but I never got around to it. And now I was going to deliver it, but I haven't gotten around to that, either. Maybe there's yet time to do some of both... after all, it is a mite short. *promptly goes back to being thoroughly distracted* 1234 ~ 01:53, 26 January 2012

Also, you're awesome to get it in at all, really. Schedule changes and other work issues to blame? Or something? Neh, I'll deliver it for reals. 1234 ~ 01:54, 26 January 2012

Another absolutely ridiculous post by an asshole

Shit Happens

By A guy who has been exposed to shit for a long, long time

Shit Happens all the time. Lets say ... you're drinking some kind of soda and it accidently spills onto your shirt. Or you are biting on a burger when you accidently choke to death but nobody cares. Or your penis falls off. Anyway, my point is, there are some negatives in life but you must learn to tolerate them .. especially when you're a fat ass who sits in your room spending your entire life consuming hotdogs and giggling at comedies on television while jacking off to classical fucks and trolling on the Internet which is absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME.

So always be positive, even when your balls drop off. Or your penis. Or even your cat. Because as you know, the World is'nt fair ever since some dick with an ass of a triangle set foot on this Earth. So get used to life, and if you can, get used to the dicks who banned your ass and spammed your page which is also, absolutely, absolutely, NOT ME.

Oh, and always remember to stay on the bright side even if you are found lying naked with an underwear eight times the size of your penis and you get arrested, get thrown in jail, get beaten up by a kid who appearently is'nt a kid and get castrated unintentionally while having a sandwhich crammed down your throat trying to squat in a cell and you finally get out after 5 years only to get run down by an ass in a car and you get admitted to hospital but a doctor feeds you the wrong medicine and you rot away and die and you get dumped into the sewers.

So remember kids ... always be posi-

--POP!GoesTheWeasel 08:45, January 31, 2012 (UTC)

Okay, I added it. Thank you for your contributions in our time of need. This was recent, and within the current time of need, right? 1234 ~ 05:31, 10 February 2012

Furry testicles --POP!GoesTheWeasel 15:04, February 10, 2012 (UTC)

Iwillkillyou333 Returns

Iwillkillyou333 Returns

by User:Iwillkillyou333

---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 00:50, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

This is quite possibly my favorite UnSignpost article of all time. -- 02:04, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

As per the "Never putting Magic man's favourite articles into the UnSignpost" clause, regrettably it is now unsuitable. Also, not closing <small> tags should be a capital offence.--ChiefjusticePSX 10:05, February 14, 2012 (UTC)

Dammit... -- 16:54, February 27, 2012 (UTC)

suggestion

How about for the next Unsignpost we should put "favorite alcoholic beverage", and the choice should be Mike's Hard Lemonade. Good idea eh?---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 03:59, February 27, 2012 (UTC)

Perhaps you could explain that to me; I'm not really seeing why it's funny --ChiefjusticePSX 08:31, February 27, 2012 (UTC)

I knew it. Lemonade is made of alcohol. Of course. It's simple. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 08:37 27 February 2012

Sharons

Let's put the page full of Sharons! They're healthy and full of C-vitamine, tastes like honeydew and looks like tomatos!

Good idea eh? OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 09:14 29 February 2012

If you write it you can do whatever you like. I'm working this afternoon and doing overtime into the early hours, I likely won't have any opportunity to produce an UnSignpost for this week. --ChiefjusticePSX 09:42, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

If Cat doesn't want it, I'd be happy to do it again. I really enjoyed doing it last time. -- 17:22, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

Ah... Sharons... Thank you, whoever put the juicy fruit there. Ah... OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 09:58 3 March 2012

I did the thing.

If anyone could get a bot to deliver it, that would be much appreciated. -- 21:57, February 29, 2012 (UTC)

Profit!

By a representative of Murdoch press

Profit! A word that has dogged Uncyclopedia, as most especially those pages doomed to huffing, for years. A concept that we, as a community, have overlooked in our time, and need to bring the focus back to. 

A user has recently pointed out that as a community, we are forgetting this one fundamental principle. Our growth - nay, our very survival - depends on this principle. We need to become part of the corporate machine to further our plans of world domination. To do this, we may need to advertise, and to pay for quality submissions.

Now many of you may be afraid of this. Change can be frightening, and after all, our last venture into the world of capitalism has left us falling short of the desired funds to purchase the Ferrari promote the site in the manner we were hoping for. 

The point is, ladies and gentleman, that profit, for lack of a better word, is good. Profit is right, profit works. Profit clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Profit, in all of its forms; profit for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And profit, you mark my words, will not only save Uncyclopedia, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA. Thank you very much.

Editors note: There are currently a few ideas floating about in regards to the direction we are heading as a community. Forum:Uncyclopedia is, by definition, a "funny place" has a number of ideas put forward relating to the promotion and growth of the site. Your feedback would be appreciated.