New urinals to be installed
- By Athyria
As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet.
If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go.
This is just plain acceptable.
- By Anselmo The Magnificent
Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something.
Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat.
You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!!
But seriously, you can stop it now.
Wikimedia Commons is as horrible as us.
- By Lyrithya
While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn.
While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays.
For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they?
No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you!
|From our logs:
- 10:03, September 1, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (This block is only one week long, because blanking VFS took some serious balls. Or, to be more accurate, some serious big hairy penis.)
- 10:18, September 2, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (You always make my night, wang-vandal. I just can't be angry when I see your characteristic smiley :D)
- 04:12, September 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 minutes (Posting in a Users Only forum. Abuse of powers! (dont worry this isnt autoblocked))
- 08:19, September 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) (Would you believe I was trying to ban an IP and I pressed the wrong ban button on recent changes?)
- 14:50, September 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (fuck the fuck off)
|Biopic of the Week|
Ah, what can be said about Klaus Nomi Wearing An Irish Hat? While one of the greatest German countertenors of our time, or any, what Klaus is probably most well known for in the modern age is his disturbing propensity for being present at the scene of any and all crimes, as though he were omnipresent. Over the years, this has become an understood facet of society, and most of the time he can now be easily ignored as if he were never there in the first place. This is not entirely difficult to do, considering the fact that every time he shows up at a shooting, robbery, yard sale massacre, etc., he only finds it necessary to stand completely and absolutely still whilst observing the ongoing madness, occasionally taking the time to put on a silly Irish hat and dance a disturbing and disruptive jig before snapping back to his typical demeanor.
While this makes Klaus an incredibly creepy person to be around, and we at Uncyclopedia typically use it as a regular excuse to exclude him from the annual Christmas party and Casual Fridays, we're still happy to have him, nonetheless. You go, Klaus!
|Cat of the Week
This is Terumvra. He's very scary.
I found him eating my plants and now he won't go away and he's been holding me hostage! Help!