- By Chief
As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to.
At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which
horses users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here:
RT: Good day
Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head!
USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS?
Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain!
RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6.
USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round?
RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way.
USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi.
RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time.
Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What??
RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her??
USP: Quite true.
Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman??
USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though!
RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count?
USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders?
Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need.
RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round.
USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment.
So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week.
Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.
|From our logs:
- 17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright)
- 14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities)
- 09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.)
- 19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!)
- 14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot)
- 04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Take that, the Netherlands!)
|Biopic of the Week
It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity.
So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves.
|Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device
Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end.
A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release.