The Apocalypse will be televised
- By Olipro
Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this
shit is meant to get published, so I figured I might as well bore you with my diatribe in lieu of Chief's usual rampant drivel. PLEASE BAR BARE BEER BEAR WITH ME.
It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin.
wonderful temporary admins have been temping around, deleting, banning, breaking, fixing and verbing Uncyclopedia with great tenacity. Not to mention that an article with some actual political and historic accuracy was featured recently, and deservedly so. If you haven't read it yet, DO IT FAGGOT.
The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so.
Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation.
Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial
- By Zombiebaron
The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded.
Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage!
At the Village Stocks
- By ChiefjusticeDS
Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011.
However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day.
What a clot.
As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse.
|From our logs:
- 23:22, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" (Per IRC discussion: "It's time has passed.")
- 23:31, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) created "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" (Okay, this'll have to suffice for now. Apologies for that really stupid idea. Assuming this even works.)
- 02:21, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" (you fucking idiot, how will we fix this)
- 02:50, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) hacked up "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" (96,760 revisions restored)
- 02:53, March 21, 2011 JackOfSpades (Talk | contribs) uploaded File:Oliproisagod.png
|Biopic of the Week
The seat of the UnSignpost editor has itself sat in UnSignpost HQ for years now. It was in this very chair that Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper first made the first UnSignpost and it was in this chair that Under user mused upon the problem that confronts every editor of this proud periodical: "What on Earth am I writing about this week?". Over the years it has seen joy and it has seen sadness, and we here at the UnSignpost felt the time was right to recognise it for its incredible contribution to the UnSignpost and because Olipro spent this week sitting in it.
|Word of the week, provided by: Jack Phoenix
(Noun) A lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events. "Have you heard of the epic of Gilgamesh? It's really long!"
(Colloquial Adjective) A slang term for Penis: "Have you heard of the epic of Olipro? It's really short!"
|Weekly Article Challenge|
This is a new part of the UnSignpost. Basically, every week a headline will be placed here and your challenge (if you can be bothered) is to write an article related to the pre-selected headline. It should be at least moderately relevant to the headline and you should create it in your userspace and notify us; we will then pick the funniest one(s) - Where headlines are polemic, two opposing ones will be specified so you can choose which side you want to take. If nobody can be bothered to write one, we'll just invent another.
This week's headline choice:
Temporary Admins asset to Uncyclopedia
Temporary Admins disaster for Uncyclopedia