UnSignpost abandoned by creators!
- by UU
Uncyclopedia's popular newspaper/tacky tabloid rag (delete according to preference) the UnSignpost - already floundering following the loss of founding editor Dr. Skullthumper - has been dealt another, possibly fatal blow, with the news that popular feature-machine and international diplomat Cajek has not been arsed to edit the latest issue. When thursday June 19th dawned without the by-now-traditional UnSignpost dropping onto their talkpages, Unycylopedians everywhere could be heard bravely dealing with the incident by pretending they hadn't noticed. We asked prominent Uncyc contributors for their reactions to the journalistic crisis facing their favourite wiki-based news delivery system. "SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON.... SCREAM FOR ME BOSTON!" said Don Leddy, obviously coping badly with the news.
Sensing a possible catastrophe, DJ Irreverent bravely leaped into the breach and created a forum topic that galvanised the community, while UU declared himself too busy to help, then promptly wrote about half of the paper. While still suffering from writer's block, which explains the total lack of lulz and inspiration thus far. It's probably about time to link to nobody cares and close this story now, isn't it?
Industrial mogul joins Uncyclopedia, promises great wealth to all.
DJ Irreverent UU
Donald Trump, the man, the legend, the Tower, the hairstyle, has taken time out of his busy international schedule to create a forum topic promising affluence beyond the dreams of avarice to all on Uncyclopedia! Despite the impeccable credentials displayed on his userpage, so far only Qua and SysRq managed to take advantage of the popular billionaire's altruism before he was ruthlessly banned by noted anti-capitalist Codeine. UnSignpost was particularly impressed with Codeine's ability to resist the temptation to use "you're fired" as a block reason, as we are sure it would have been all but overwhelming.
It is to be hoped that, on his return from bannination, Mr Trump will use his undoubted wealth and business connections to help Uncyc beat the ever-encroaching threat of Wikia's advertising plans.
N00b ties knot
- by UU
Popular recent NotM winner Cheapinitreal has further embarrassed the Uncyclopedia community by becoming all respectable and getting married. Confessing to his transgression, Cheap added "all and all, it was a right fine week". The UnSignpost would like to write something really funny here, then wish Cheap all the best, but this issue is being rushed out as it's, like, way late, so we just don't have time.
UnSignpost resorts to blatant filler
- by UU
In a move heralded as "an exciting development in journalism" by guest editor UU, the UnSignpost today employed blatant flannel to fill an annoying white gap at the bottom of the page. It is believed that this is the first such instance of using blatant rubbish to fill a newspaper page in journalistic history. "I'm proud to be at the vanguard of such a groundbreaking technique" said UU, before going off to scour Cajek's ideas page in a desperate hunt for inspiration. "Is this long enough yet?" he added, before concluding "not quite, another few words or so should do the trick".
|From our logs:
- 13:12, 17 June 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You will be better appreciated at that cheap whorehouse down the road. Take the third left)
- 21:59, 17 June 2008 Hinoa (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (UN:VAIN: It's what's for [INSERT GENERIC MEAL HERE])
- 09:07, 17 June 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Budha says: Blanking shall not lead you to enlightment. Write funny articles, my friend, and be happy)
- 04:59, 16 June 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 day (No no. When was that last time YOU had a really big solid shit?)
- 01:35, 15 June 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You know, you're probably the dumbest person I've ever seen. That's saying a lot, you know. You should be proud.)
- 17:57, 13 June 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 188.8.131.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month (Banning Italy, one IP at a time.)
|Biopic of the Week
Zombiebaron ~ Zombiebaron? Zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron. Strong Zombiebaron. Text-based Zombiebaron. Also, Zombiebaron. Finally, Zombiebaron.
|UU's obscure British Dialect expression of the week:
"I wanna new wicker wacker" ~ Discerning Uncyclopedians finding themselves in the heart of Liverpool, but worryingly badly dressed, should fret no more - this handy phrase allows them to ask "can I have a new suit please sir?" like a native. It's anyone's guess as to what they'll end up clad in though.