- By Gerrycheevers
Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq.
Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking."
Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews."
British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS
Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend.
- by UU
The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it.
The most votes were polled by MrN9000, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin.
The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.
|From our logs new admins bumper special:
- 05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California))
- 19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants (Happy adminship, fucker <3)
- 16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?)
- 10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap)
- 10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Rogue Admin)
- 10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Ne habla gibberish)
|Biopic of the Week
Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse!
|Explanation of the week
This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.