"The latest meme is Template:Boner."Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner.
This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March.
The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised.
Have a bonerific week!
*Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like.
Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water.
We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive?
I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER!
21:47, July 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopediasucks69 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Unacceptable username)
06:51, July 17, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis.)
01:03, July 6, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Abrabudallah (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (YOU HURT ABUSE FILTER'S FEELINGS)
08:43, July 10, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.)
19:30, July 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (thou shalt not tarnish the dead's pregnancy fetish stash)
00:16, July 11, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (He's a frog lol ;))
Biopic of the Week
Not many people get a biopic in the UnSignpost. Actually that's a lie, everybody does, though we maintain the hilarious façade that we can't biopic everybody because of the long queue of people we have awaiting a biopic. In reality the main cause for the lack of a biopic are the crippling inadequacies of the UnSignpost staff. After that tremendously complimentary opening Saberwolf116 is onto biopic number two.
The older of you may remember Saberwolf from before his year and a half hiatus, pee reviewer, article voter and an all round splendid fellow, otherwise known as a poopsmith. To be serious for a moment (brace yourselves) while he probably doesn't know it he has been an inspiration to many of his fellow Uncyclopedians, on Pee Review and beyond. He has showed, by example, how to apply oneself to a task and how to function well within this community. He is a model Uncyclopedian and you should do your utmost follow his example, except for the parts where he screws things up and causes everybody to hate him.
Sock Puppetry, or the assumption of multiple online personalities, is a growing phenomenon in anonymous online communities such as public blogs, commentable news-info sites, and "wikis." The more popular and extensive Wikis (such as Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia, and Memory Alpha) present an unusually fertile ground for various forms of sock puppetry, since the community interactions within a wiki site are vastly more complex than in other anonymous online communities.