We're all going to die!
- By Chief
Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP.
January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction.
This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be!
Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts.
In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says.
We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!"
Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout.
- By Socky
//fuckThisSopaBullshit = true;" to their uncyclopedia.js, with Olipro to thank for that last one. Aren't you glad we're here to inform the rest of you what you should have done after the fact? We thought so too.
In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!
|From our logs:
- 04:20, 18 January 2012 Lyrithya uploaded a new version of "File:UN SOPA Splash Full.png" (*explodes*)
- 19:16, 17 January 2012 Roman Dog Bird huffed "Sam Suter" ("This article is not funny" And whose fault is that?!?! Go to your room and think about what you've done!!!!!!!!!)
- 00:26, 17 January 2012 Zombiebaron blocked Kırby with an expiry time of 1 day (Here is that ban you requested)
- 23:36, 16 January 2012 MadMax protected "Worst 100 Things to Stick your Dick in" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite)
- 13:24, 16 January 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Filtered with an expiry time of 1 week (I would be delighted to sort out a match between me and your little football team. Then perhaps we could go for margaritas.)
- 01:58, 16 January 2012 MadMax moved Car to Automobile (revert)
- 20:06, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Niggers in paris" (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion)
- 17:32, 15 January 2012 Zombiebaron huffed "Nuclear reactor" (A quick and painless death)
- 03:50, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Sorry... er, I'm calm. Totally calm. Backing away from the wiki, now. O_o)
- 00:18, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Twilight (novel)" (Fine, ignore my review request. Go ahead and feature it instead. Jerks.)
- 02:12, 14 January 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 188.8.131.52 with an expiry time of 1 hour (Utilize some other wiki to come out of the closet, please.)
- 20:32, 13 January 2012 Romartus huffed "Jokes that might be funny" (Fails QA. Read the beginner's guide and HTBFANJS.)
|Biopic of the Week
Today, I would like to draw your attention to User:Admin, the admin always mentioned in "From our logs:" in the initial draft of an UnSignpost, only to mysteriously disappear from the page after a couple edits. Admin has also managed to become the only admin with both no (undeleted) contributions and no admin rights to speak of. Let's hold a second of silence to honour this glorious achievement.
To you know who you are: thank you for your cat. I never would have believed one person could be in keeping of so many so well-behaved animals, but then, I also wouldn't have expected you to be so easily rid of them. Did you even try calling the police? No matter; it's not like they would ever find me anyway. Or the cat. Such a lovely cat.