Now You're Gone
- By Chief
This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press!
This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever".
Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall.
In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs
fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review.
What you should all be doing.
- By Magic man
Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion:
Give me all your money.
Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not.
Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your
pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things!
|From our logs:
- 11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 184.108.40.206 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.)
- 08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 220.127.116.11 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord )
- 08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (nice spamcruft, bro...)
- 20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.)
- 20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days (Giant pile of useless fail)
- 10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. )
- 07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 126.96.36.199 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED)
|Biopic of the Week
The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow.
His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean...
|Word of the Week