Something Scary This Way "Comes"
- By Skinfan13
A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction.
When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned.
The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon.
I See IC All At Sea
It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling.
- By UU
We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things.
Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).
|From our logs:
- 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 18.104.22.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty)
- 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.)
- 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 22.214.171.124 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal")
- 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 126.96.36.199 with an expiry time of 1 day (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.)
- 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time (chose your own adventure)
|Biopic of the Week
Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled.
|The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week|
- 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)