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September 3, 2014 06:12 UTC

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Tenth Planet Identified as 10th Least Cared-About Topic in Nation

Newplanet
PARIS - Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Paris expressed disappointment yesterday when they learned that the discovery of a tenth planet ranks 10th on a nationally compiled list of the 20 least cared-about news topics in America.

2003 UB313, the as-yet unnamed body, is larger than Pluto and has its own moon. The discovery of the planet had sparked a lively academic debate on the definition of a planet, but has yet to resonate with most Americans. -- more

Mr. Whipple squeezes Charmin, dies at 91

Mr. Whipple
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Charmin pitchman and television icon Mr. Whipple, has died at the age of 91. Whipple, born George Whipple Bush but dropped his last name at age 18, died Monday after squeezing a package of Charmin that was contaminated with E. Coli. Whipple was unaware of the contamination, despite the warnings of bystanders at the local grocery store called Albertsons.

"It was horrifying!" said John McCartney, 41. "I couldn't look. I had to cover my eyes."

As he squeezed, the TV legend inhaled a bit of the bacteria, which quickly led to a heart attack and an unbearable urge to pee. Confused Whipple didn't know which one he needed to take care of first. -- more

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Worldwide Forecast at a Glance:

  • If you are in London today, don't be surprised by the sudden appearance of excess light, the rest of the world calls it Sun. The cause was noted by a butterfly flapping its wings in Brazil.


Trippy


  • Over to Africa, there'll be cool breeze to start a warm day tomorrow, with a slight chance of guerilla warfare in the afternoon.


  • On now to Canada and the north of the US, quite warm, about the temperature of a cow.


  • In the orogenous zone, expect vertically erect systems to occur despite rear-end inflow.


  • In summary, there's a 50-50 chance that this forecast will go wrong 90 percent of the time.


Special Weather Report:

Climatologists expect Margaret Thatcher to thaw out this year.

Global Warming Indicator

If its raining cats and dogs today, its likely that you have a bipolar mental disorder!

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