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September 21, 2014 23:57 UTC

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Tenth Planet Identified as 10th Least Cared-About Topic in Nation

Newplanet
PARIS - Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Paris expressed disappointment yesterday when they learned that the discovery of a tenth planet ranks 10th on a nationally compiled list of the 20 least cared-about news topics in America.

2003 UB313, the as-yet unnamed body, is larger than Pluto and has its own moon. The discovery of the planet had sparked a lively academic debate on the definition of a planet, but has yet to resonate with most Americans. -- more

Mr. Whipple squeezes Charmin, dies at 91

Mr. Whipple
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Charmin pitchman and television icon Mr. Whipple, has died at the age of 91. Whipple, born George Whipple Bush but dropped his last name at age 18, died Monday after squeezing a package of Charmin that was contaminated with E. Coli. Whipple was unaware of the contamination, despite the warnings of bystanders at the local grocery store called Albertsons.

"It was horrifying!" said John McCartney, 41. "I couldn't look. I had to cover my eyes."

As he squeezed, the TV legend inhaled a bit of the bacteria, which quickly led to a heart attack and an unbearable urge to pee. Confused Whipple didn't know which one he needed to take care of first. -- more

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Worldwide Forecast at a Glance:

  • After hitting America, hurricane Wilma is now changing to hurricane Humma Kavula and is approaching Woodstock to revisit the acid rock experience.....purple haze..ya really blew my mind...


Radar


  • Starting in Asia, it'll be misty tomorrow as if the mist were hugging the ground like an over-affectionate and rather damp dog.


  • Starting tonight in Brazil, it should rain in drops the size of a wrestler. But fortunately, most of the rain will not quite reach the ground.


  • A hoarfrost is expected in downtown Amsterdam today.


  • In summary, expect light beer drizzles here and there.


Special Weather Report:

A pack of wild hurricanes were spotted attempting to sneak up on China.

Global Warming Indicator

This mornings weather was bought to you by Charlton Heston and his cold dead brother.

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