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UnNews: Your source for up-to-the-minute misinformation.

October 30, 2014 19:15 UTC

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Tenth Planet Identified as 10th Least Cared-About Topic in Nation

Newplanet
PARIS - Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Paris expressed disappointment yesterday when they learned that the discovery of a tenth planet ranks 10th on a nationally compiled list of the 20 least cared-about news topics in America.

2003 UB313, the as-yet unnamed body, is larger than Pluto and has its own moon. The discovery of the planet had sparked a lively academic debate on the definition of a planet, but has yet to resonate with most Americans. -- more

Mr. Whipple squeezes Charmin, dies at 91

Mr. Whipple
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Charmin pitchman and television icon Mr. Whipple, has died at the age of 91. Whipple, born George Whipple Bush but dropped his last name at age 18, died Monday after squeezing a package of Charmin that was contaminated with E. Coli. Whipple was unaware of the contamination, despite the warnings of bystanders at the local grocery store called Albertsons.

"It was horrifying!" said John McCartney, 41. "I couldn't look. I had to cover my eyes."

As he squeezed, the TV legend inhaled a bit of the bacteria, which quickly led to a heart attack and an unbearable urge to pee. Confused Whipple didn't know which one he needed to take care of first. -- more

Also, this other stuff happend

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Worldwide Forecast at a Glance:

  • Mainland Europe can expect plagues of locusts...I aint fugging doing the weather until I get paid


FlashFlood


  • Starting in Scotland, expect golf ball size hail at tee-off.


  • Acid-tripping meteorologists may be responsible for continuing unprecedented Atlantic tropical storms.


  • In Brazil, a warm push is expected to cause overshooting tops, causing Rio to experience widespread mammatus.


  • In summary, there's a 50-50 chance that this forecast will go wrong 90 percent of the time.


Special Weather Report:

A pack of domesticated tornadoes escaped Oklahoma, and may be roaming loose near Canada.

Global Warming Indicator

Only two complained that this forecast sucked, the other 42,089,357 were getting high.

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