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Latest revision as of 08:00, August 21, 2010

UnNews: Your source for up-to-the-minute misinformation.

July 28, 2015 06:50 UTC

From the Chief | Audio | Podcast | Random article | Goldstein Award | Foolitzer Prize


Tenth Planet Identified as 10th Least Cared-About Topic in Nation

Newplanet
PARIS - Officials at the International Astronomical Union (IAU) in Paris expressed disappointment yesterday when they learned that the discovery of a tenth planet ranks 10th on a nationally compiled list of the 20 least cared-about news topics in America.

2003 UB313, the as-yet unnamed body, is larger than Pluto and has its own moon. The discovery of the planet had sparked a lively academic debate on the definition of a planet, but has yet to resonate with most Americans. -- more

Mr. Whipple squeezes Charmin, dies at 91

Mr. Whipple
HOLLYWOOD, California -- Charmin pitchman and television icon Mr. Whipple, has died at the age of 91. Whipple, born George Whipple Bush but dropped his last name at age 18, died Monday after squeezing a package of Charmin that was contaminated with E. Coli. Whipple was unaware of the contamination, despite the warnings of bystanders at the local grocery store called Albertsons.

"It was horrifying!" said John McCartney, 41. "I couldn't look. I had to cover my eyes."

As he squeezed, the TV legend inhaled a bit of the bacteria, which quickly led to a heart attack and an unbearable urge to pee. Confused Whipple didn't know which one he needed to take care of first. -- more

Also, this other stuff happend

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Worldwide Forecast at a Glance:

  • Things should improve in Africa and the Americas, but there'll be loud thunderstorms in the evening, about the volume of a Thin Lizzy concert.


Radar


  • Today, A shower of acidy death will rain down upon the land...yada yada yada...


  • Forecast alert: Expect 30 to 40 tornadoes to pummel dowtown LA and Hollywood with dropping box office receipts.


  • In Brazil, a warm push is expected to cause overshooting tops, causing Rio to experience widespread mammatus.


  • In summary, moderate acid rain only in the evenings.


Special Weather Report:

A pack of wild hurricanes were reported to be cited with public intoxication and slamming into continents without a license.

Global Warming Indicator

Statistically, this forecast makes more sense than some countries' foreign policy.

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