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July 7, 2009 00:37 UTC

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It is thought that elderly women stoop in order to reduce how far they fall.]

Elderly ladies becoming increasingly unpopular

LONDON, England A survey released today showed that elderly ladies are becoming increasingly unpopular with the rest of the UK. The survey, released by the House of Commons, consisted of questions relating to a variety of demographics and backgrounds including immigrants, Muslims and homosexuals and asked the partaker to rate their opinion of them on a chart from one to ten; ten being highest, one being lowest.
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Responsible for the impending doom of human kind?

Puffins being spied on by MI6

NODNOL, Danlgne – The British Intelligence service MI6, today, was forced to face up to the public and admit that it had interfered with birds. But these weren’t the good kind of birds to interfere with, I’m not talking about birds in the sense of attractive women you may meet in a bar, the ones who would never talk to you, incidentally. I’m talking about the Puffins, funny little feathered freaks with beaks that look like novelty sex toys, and it turns out that MI6 has been spying on them.
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FEATURED STORY

Satisfied.

Human Vegetable Eaten By Carnivore

Fort Worth - There are no words that can describe the ungodly scene that unfolded at the Mother Teresa Mammorial Hospital this Monday morning. “I just pray for the family”, said head surgeon West Johnson, “I ain’t seen that much blood since I drunkenly rode over a half dozen igloos with my Hummer back in 64”. The hospital has rarely seen anything this gruesome.“This was the most bizarre incident I have witnessed this month”, added nurse’s aid Claire Smith, “Where the hell did that gator come from?”
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UnFunnies for July 7


This Week's Horoscopes

NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 7/6/09

  • Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) - This week if you find yourself alone, riding in the green fields with the sun on your face, do not be troubled. For you are in Elysium, and you're already dead.

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On This Day

July 7, 2008

July 7, 2007

UnWeather Station

provided by UnNews
UnWeather operates automatically by going out and auto-reading the weather news itself, and its contents are free and open to abuse and buttrape (only by appointment, please).

Two Day Outlook

Image:Snow3.PNG

Today

a 1000% chance of

icicles

Image:Snow3.PNG

Today

a 1000% chance of

icicles

Image:Snow3.PNG

Today

a 1000% chance of

icicles


Suggested Recreation

While there is a 1000% chance of icicles
Today, we suggest jumping off a cliff.

Global Warming Indicator

Global Warming Indicator


International Posts

Special Weather Report:

A pack of wild hurricanes were reported to be cited with public intoxication and slamming into continents without a license.


UnWeather Station Forecast Stats

Statistically speaking, PeeWee Herman has a better chance of guessing the weather on Uranus.


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