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 “Boys will be boys,” Hagel admitted, “especially when the ranks are full of hot young women who fill out their uniforms in ways that “just naturally get men's attention.” However, the fact that sexual assaults have “put the military services on the nation's radar” is a clear indication, he says, that service members need “further training” in the subtleties of conducting such assaults without drawing “unwarranted attention.” Full story»   VANCOUVER, Canada -- Signing into the site, a rush of excitement always occurred. Would I be lucky today? Did the girl from the internet cafe in Fiji take me up on my offer? Did the guy in Texas get the point that I am not visiting him!?
Online dating is fun. It is also frustrating and weird. My experiment with the site Plenty of Fish began when searching for "plant food" on a lesser-known search engine on the outskirts of the Internet. Full story»  BOSTON, Massachusetts -- A designated hitter for the Boston Red Sox apparently known as Big Papi has detonated a powerful bomb in downtown Boston, but will not be punished.
On April 20, the slugger stated, “This is our bleeping city, and nobody is going to dictate our freedom.” The unscripted remarks, which munitions experts call an F-Bomb, caused the death of several bystanders and one First Responder. Full story»  ATLANTA (Or Thereabouts), GA – It is feared that Reese Witherspoon, another aspiring Hollywood alcoholic, may be suffering from stage one of Alzheimer's disease. After her drunken husband, Jim Toth, and she were stopped on suspicion that Toth was driving while intoxicated, Witherspoon did not seem to know where--or even who--she was.
 OKLAHOMA CITY, IS OK – A sports blogger affiliated with CBS complained that Kelsey William, an Oklahoma Thunder-Down-Under Girl, is too “skinny” to be an NBA cheerleader. “I wouldn't let that skinny skank cheer at my son's Little League game, let alone an NBA game,” Claire Crawford, who is allegedly not related to supermodel Cindy Crawford, complained. “She looks positively anorexic!” Full story»
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| Your birthday this week: Gemini! You were born with a prehensile tail, but your parents never told you about it, you little freak. Your dual nature can lower your chances of passing that drivers test. Believing that Dracula is real will get you far in life. Vocations of Geminis include seal and otter repair, hated business executive, competitive eater, lambaster and prophet.
Famous Geminis include Bonnie Tyler, Abe Vigoda, BILLY MAYS, Lance Bass , Oprah Winfrey, Krispy Kreme , James T. Kirk , Mao Zhe Tung , Steven Colbert and Wendy Thomas . | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story» |  This day in 2011 |
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