UnNews:Main Page

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia

(Redirected from Uncyclopedia:UnNews)
Jump to: navigation, search
UnNews Front Page

Your A.D.D. news outl — Oooh, look at the pictures!

UnNews Logo Potato
Tuesday, October 25, 2016, 05:13:59 (UTC)

F iconNewsroomAudio (staff)Foolitzer Prize

Feed-iconIndexesRandom story

Qualcomm 5G
HANGUL, South Korea -- The long wait for 5G cellphone technology will end in February 2018, as a demonstration is rolled out during the Winter Olympics here.

Qualcomm engineers report that the X50 Snapdragon chip performs perfectly, or would, if there were any 5G wireless networks. The chip will be ideal for cellphones and home wireless routers, subject to the same modest limitation. Full story»

Chris Wallace
LAS VEGAS, Nevada -- (Gnome-speakernotes listen) Presidential candidate Donald Trump, by all accounts winning the third debate, was stumped by Fair And Balanced® moderator Chris Wallace of Fox News.

Mr. Wallace asked, "Mr. Trump, will you react with civility when you lose the election on November 8?" The candidate refused to rule out flying a commercial airliner into the new World Trade Center. Full story»

UnNews Logo Potato1LOST IN SPACE
CYBERSPACE -- Twitter rolled out flashy new uniforms for its 60,000 employees who have face-to-face dealings with customers.

The move seems a desperate attempt to paper over the corporation's problems, including a data breach that compromised 500 million accounts, Congress's investigation of whether customers had additional Twitter accounts opened for them, and the fact that suitors for the company are dropping like flies. Full story»

Boris VR
LONDON -- Leading Brexiteers are cheering that the Oculus Rift is going wireless.

Boris Johnson has commissioned Virtual Reality gurus to pilot a digital overlay of Hackney as an international market full of Aboriginal didgeridoos and jangly Chinese plastic tat. London’s pixel-perfect streets will be lined with luscious oak trees, bursting with apples, bananas, coconuts and tenners. Full story»

Dancing Girl of Mohendro-daro
NEW DELHI, India -- Pakistan is demanding the return of the famous "Dancing Girl," just after India's notorious "surgical strike" across the Line Of Control.

Narendra Modi worried that the Pakistanis were contemplating a surgical strike of their own. However, the Girl turns out to be a four-inch-high (10.5 cm) statuette. Full story»

WASHINGTON, D.C. -- Clowns are frightening citizens across America.

Clowns have traditionally spread laughter and gaiety. But they are now spreading terror, prompting city after city to pass ordinances against going trick-or-treating dressed as a clown. In the recent Vice Presidential debate, two clowns did everything but the old pie-in-the-face bit. Full story»

HAMBURGER UNIVERSITY, Illinois -- Besieged by the "creepy clowns" crisis, McDonald's Corporation told its face-painted impresario to "lay low" during the "current climate."

The chain was being "thoughtful in respect to Ronald McDonald’s participation in community events." Mr. McDonald will take care to avoid bringing handguns to celebrations and decline to initiate food fights or anything else that some might regard as a scary "prank." Full story»

Trending Now
Second Front Pages: BrexitHillary!TrumpUK 2015 electionGreece

Write a new UnNews story:±

UnNews needs you! If you've got an idea for an article...then sod off and type it into Minitrue. But if you can actually write a complete story, then enter the headline in the box below, then click the button to create your own UnNews article!

Read Me FirstFrom the ChiefStyle GuideNewsroom

Minitrue ± What's This?

Recent UnNews Audio ± Podcast | Archive.

About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

Current event marker

Today...only, two years ago

TV Highlights October 25

Nerds Get Girls Fantasy
SciFi 4:00 PM EDT/3:00 CDT
High School Science geeks get laid. Really.

Right Behind You Paranoia
Discovery. 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
They're RIGHT there . . no, DON'T look. Just be cool, man. Be cool.

Our Racist Cousin Comedy
FOX 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
Lou has a row with a local grocer.

Personal tools