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Tuesday, December 1, 2015, 05:04:59 (UTC)

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BRUSSELS, Belgium -- Brussels ministers have vowed not to bow down to terrorism, by bowing down before terrorism has a chance to occur.

The Schaarbeek mayor was perplexed why IS would want to come to a country rooted in long-standing ethnic, linguistic and socio-economic tensions. And the weather is crap. Full story»

Francois Hollande
PARIS, France -- French President François Hollande met with activists in preparation for an ambitious new treaty on global warming.

Leaders and jihadis from 140 countries converged on Paris for high-stakes talks on a broad, long-lasting deal to curb scary weather and replace it with scary concerts. Full story»

ZURICH, Switzerland -- The world's biggest international sporting organisations have agreed to combine all their toxic scandals and face the music together.

In a vote held at a secret location, those board members of FIFA and IAAF not either under a charge or in jail said they had 'an outline deal' to present to the press. Full story»

Obama at ASEAN
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia -- Ten southeast Asian leaders declared the area a Community that will decide the allowed flavors for potato chips and might confront China about its current work paving the South China Sea.

Obama sensed that the new Community needed a Community Activist, and warned the leaders about income inequality, as his own $400,000 far exceeds the pay of the people who just shot up Paris. Full story»

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania -- Two months ago, Joey and Kristen Masciantonio say they experienced a miracle when Pope Francis kissed their one-year-old daughter, Gianna. She has a rare, inoperable brain tumor, but recent scans show barely any sign of it.

"This must be the cause," says father Joey. "We've done nothing else that would account for it — except the magnetic bracelets and the all-banana diet." Full story»

LONDON -- Prime Minister David Cameron will get a new plane to fight terrorism, an RAF Voyager A330 air-to-air refueling aircraft, retrofitted with soft-furnishings from Barker and Stonehouse and soaps by Molton Brown.

Jeremy Corbyn asked the PM about the number of “safe seats” available on the aircraft for the shadow cabinet, while Nicola Sturgeon warned that not having enough tartan in the interior could be a trigger for another referendum. Full story»

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About UnNews
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UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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