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Straight talk, from straight faces
Thursday, November 27, 2014, 17:26 (UTC)
Ron paul jalopy
 :By Dr. Ron Paul
For the eternity that I spent in Congress, I never once voted for an unbalanced budget, earmark, or foreign war. I am disappointed with my son, Rand, who seems to be a mainstream GOP hawk with his call for war against this whole ISIS group.

I raised Rand to be a principled me, so when I eventually kick the bucket, I will still be in Congress. Rand, come back home. Full story»


SputnikVacuumCleanerSattelite
BAIKONUR, Kazahstan -- A mysterious Russian object launched earlier this year has been performing surprisingly harmless maneuvers, prompting some to start panicking that it could be some kind of secret peaceful spacecraft.

A specialist said, "This could also be the first happy case of a satellite defecting from Russia and refusing to perform the evil it was designed to carry out.” Full story»

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FERGUSON, Missouri -- Organizers have opened bidding on premium seating for riots that could occur as soon as a grand jury classifies a shocking white-on-black murder as self-defense. They insist the victim was unarmed, as his attempt to wrestle the officer's gun away had not yet succeeded.

A coalition asked for 36 hours' notice before the decision, and demanded that police not use "menacing" equipment like bulletproof vests, which would deny rioters a non-threatening work environment. Full story»


Pen-on-lawn1
NORTHEAST MIAMI-DADE, Florida -- Police have given the all-clear after investigating reports of a suspicious ballpoint pen found near Highland Oaks Middle School.

DHS agents had already evacuated the entire state, but have now lowered the terror threat level from red to pink. Full story»

Downtown cold
OTTAWA, Ontario -- A cold wave of unprecedented proportions has hit the Land of the Flying Moose.

The news, which literally hit reporters in the face as soon as they left their houses, reached the front page of various newspapers outlets. "Global warming must be a hoax!" titled the Globe and Mail. As the more simplistic Toronto Sun put it, "Global warming trolololol!" Across the border, six feet of global warming fell on Buffalo, New York. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights November 27


Jesus Slaps the Shit Outta _____. Fantasy
EWTN 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
This week's guests: American Catholic Bishops.

Spanish Inquisition Game
HIST 6:00 PM EDT/5:00 CDT
Betcha weren't expecting this.

Test Patterns Art history
CBS 8:00 PM EDT/7:00 CDT
In an effort to boost ratings, the network replaces one of its several crime dramas with an hour long slide show of test cards used throughout TV history.

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