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Straight talk, from straight faces
Saturday, December 20, 2014, 19:32 (UTC)
Hands Up
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- New riots have broken out in America's capital to protest African Americans being asked to reach items on the top shelf of the supermarket.

Protesters flooded onto the street here to make the point that no innocent black man should ever be asked to cooperate with another American based on superficial traits such as height. Full story»

Richard Pittenger
SALT LAKE CITY, Utah -- A man got a piece of his teenage years back when police returned a shotgun stolen from his truck in 1977.

The AP said Richard Pittenger's first reaction was to grouse that police should "return my youth rather than just the gun." Police state that that would require a more detailed written request, a criminal background check, and a 30-day wait to see if anyone else claimed his youth. Full story»

COMET 67P -- Scientists at the European Space Agency (ESA) have been left red-faced after taking three photos of the comet 67P with different filters, only to find out that the seemingly grey comet was actually grey.

ESA spokesperson Ariane Espace said, "these photos really changed the way we look at comets," rather more than they changed the way comets look. Full story»

Plumber's truck
THE CALIPHATE -- Popular Texas plumber Mark Oberholtzer has cleverly refitted his pick-up truck to hold an anti-aircraft gun rather than the usual ladders, PVC pipes, and perhaps a plunger and is in the service of the radical Paula al-Deen Front on the front lines of Syria.

A London newspaper doubted the photos are authentic, publishing photos of other vehicles of the same color shooting at the same thing from the same small hill. But Sony said the enemies of the West are not even aware that photographs can be "shooped." Full story»

King Dollar
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The U.S. economy is being battered by unexpectedly falling oil prices, which may thwart a sixth straight "Summer of Recovery" or even delay the closing of Gitmo.

Ford, frantically redesigning the F-150 truck without steel, called itself a victim, as few will pay extra for a cardboard truck when gas is so cheap. But Ford's lobbyists could not seek a repeal of federal fuel-efficiency rules, as they were all busy demanding new laws against Tesla selling cars without dealerships. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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This day in 2013

TV Highlights December 20

The Real Scottish Referendum Documentary
BBC 1 7:00 PM GMT
The BBC reveals that only 1% of the population support Alex Salmon in the Scottish referendum. (Despite the fact that the BBC is a public service the government has in no way biased the making of this documentary).

Panorama Investigates:Does Scotland actually Influence Great Britain? Documentary
Channel 4 8:00 PM GMT
A Channel 4 reporter goes undercover disguised in a kilt to interview Scottish people and force them to tell C4 that they are unemployed.

Argentine Invasion of Scotland Plans Revealed Documentary
Channel 5 5:30 PM GMT
Channel 5 gets a new insite into the real Argentine motives as it covers an unemployed ex-Admiral of the Fleet who wants a war so that he can have an excuse to get his job back as he campaigns to prove that Argentina is still a threat to the nation.

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