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Friday, August 18, 2017, 05:08:59 (UTC)

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Baseball huddle
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- The annual Congressional baseball game ended in a tie, as neither team could deliver results.

The biggest scoring threat fizzled when Chuck Schumer demanded that Republican baserunners recuse themselves, because they were likely to act in a self-interested manner. But the Democrats were equally unable to score, as they turned their attention to appointing special prosecutors to investigate the fielders. Full story»

Pam Anderson
London, UK -- The Ecuadorean embassy in London has refused a request for asylum from ex-exhibitionist Pamela Anderson. Ms Anderson said she was likely to face life-threatening disinterest if forced to return to her country of origin.

The embassy disagreed that disinterest is a life-threatening condition. "After all, hardly anybody knows who our president is and he has survived." Full story»


MayChurchill2
UnNews Logo Potato1SNAP-CRACKLE-POP ELECTION
LONDON, England -- British voters have agreed with Theresa May that "enough is enough." In this case, the declaration came before the terrorist attack, voters driving a lorry into Westminster to do maximum damage, then jumping out and hacking off Members' arms and legs, electorally, that is.

Mrs. May becomes the newest female politician after Hillary Clinton to defy all the polls and reinforce the proverbial "glass ceiling" with titanium, just by being herself. Full story»

TheresaMayLordBuckethead
UnNews Logo Potato1AFTER MATH
LONDON, United Kingdom -- British Prime Minister Theresa May is looking for new allies in Parliament after her bid to augment her Conservative Party's majority was augmented by minus 12.

Confounding all reports that the reddest of the reds, Jeremy Corbyn was a dangerous, baby-eating Marxist pro-murderer, Labour et al. ate May's baby majority in the House of Commons. Full story»


TrumpHead1
WASHINGTON, D.C. -- United States is getting out of the climate Accord. Donald Trump said his action should not be taken as opposition, as he is theoretically still interested in a hypothetical new agreement, if it were rewritten from scratch to be a better deal for America.

The Accord that Mr. Trump has gotten America out of is almost certainly not a Honda Accord. However, it is not a treaty either. That would have had to go to the U.S. Senate. Full story»

Galactic-center
CAPE CANAVERAL, Florida -- NASA's Solar Probe Plus next summer will set records for exposure to heat and radiation on which no one would spend his own money, except perhaps Elon Musk. Then it will try to get away.

However, the rewards will be immense. The probe will teach humankind how stars work — in case we need to build one. Understanding how stars work, we might begin to grasp the mind of Kathy Griffin. Full story»

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About UnNews
Created by the Uncyclomedia Foundation

UnNews is a service of Uncyclopedia that spreads misinformation and cons the public into swallowing it hook-line-and-sinker (and worm), by guilefully making it resemble authentic news articles. UnNews stories use satire to ensure the most unfair and biased reporting possible. Full story»

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TV Highlights August 18


Panorama Investigates: Child Abduction Documentary
Channel 4 7:30 PM
One of the reporters goes undercover disguised as a guy being followed around by a camera man, sound man and director as he walks he speaks in a quiet voice into the microphone, to check out how a large, multinational company is supporting child abduction in an African country.

Countryfile Conservative style Entertainment
BBC 2 6:30 PM GMT
This week Matt and Sue are walking through the fields of some county up North no one has ever heard of in search of Gordon Brown's hiding place while John will be working out why the population in that area is rapidly decreasing due to a lack of jobs.

Doctor Who: The Return of the Plot from last week Sci-Fi
BBC 1 7:45 PM
Doctor Who goes in searc of some Time Lord money so that he can afford to pay for new writers to write different scripts for each episode. He goes hyperactive and can only display one emotion: insanity. His new assistant who is just there for her looks mentions "I wish David Tennant still played the Doctor" numerous times when confronted in not-very-scary situations.

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