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{{tplist|MonthlyAwards|1||2||3||c=Displays the current featured writer}}
 
 
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{{tplist|Uncyclopediaheader|1||2||3||c=Header for alternate mainpage}}

Latest revision as of 21:02, October 12, 2010

edit Main Page sections

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Seven Deadly Sins

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RTFM

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*...that if the earth were the size of an apple, we would fall off? Main page factoid box.
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Today's Featured Article - Renewable energy

Photoshopped burning wind turbine

Renewable energy is another approximation made by physicists to simplify a problem that is too difficult to solve. In the same way that a cow might be treated as a point mass from a million miles away, researchers are more than delighted to assume that the sun will last forever as an energy source, in order to further spoil the world into increasing its rate of energy consumption and dwarfing the copious amounts of energy wasted in luxuries such as the Large Hadron Collider.

Inasmuch as scientists have been ungrateful toward their Creator, they have now turned to the blasphemous worship of nature, in particular, the sun and mother earth. Instead of finding ways to reduce human energy consumption, society is encouraged to continue in wastefulness in the hope that one day someone will have found out how to harness energy from the sun, wind, water or earth, allowing us to carry on chopping down trees and negating the efforts of the so-called "earth hour" in a millisecond's worth of high energy particle physics research.

Other groups envisage defecation and corpses as a power source for vehicles. However, by the time this becomes viable, the digestive system will have evolved to be so efficient that no caloric energy would remain in any organic waste. A method cheaper and much more sustainable than government-funded research is to suspend all technology for 50 million years or so and watch much of the world's population naturally convert itself into fossil fuel, whilst hoping that Armageddon does not occur during this period; this alternative is not very popular among academics, as it will leave most of them unemployed. (more...)

Recently featured: Supply-side Jesus

Yesterday's Featured Article - Supply-side Jesus

Jesus-salesman

Supply-Side Jesus is little-known outside of Republican circles, but his life has been chronicled recently by the biblical prophet Al Franken. It turns out that Supply-Side Jesus was a contemporary of that other Jesus, the Jesus of Nazareth. While this article is not about Jesus of Nazareth, but about the real, true, one and only Christ, the Supply-Side Jesus, we should allow Jesus of Nazareth at least a small footnote in this article. Jesus of Nazareth was, to those of you who don't know all these obscure Biblical references, and we'll just get this one out of the way: According to Edward S. Herman (an early scribe), Jesus of Nazareth was an early rabble-rouser of Communistic tendency, and the victim of an early witchhunt. It could even be asserted that he would be one of the first witches to ever be hunted. Jesus of Nazareth is often confused with Elvis Presley. While "Jesus's countenance was like lightning and his clothing white as snow" (Matt 28:3), Elvis had been seen on stage wearing snow-white jumpsuits with lightning bolts. And the two were never seen in the same place at the same time, which makes the similarity even more creepy.

Both Jesii have had some connection to wood and nails. Supply-Side Jesus ran a hardware store that sold dry goods to local contractors and home renovators. Jesus of Nazareth was at that time not widely-known and frequented the establishment due to their unbeatably low prices and courteous service, while oblivious to the fact that much of the tools and dry goods he was buying were made in Byzantine sweatshops using child labour; and that those who worked under Supply-Side Jesus signed an agreement not to ever join a union. Supply-Side Jesus established himself as the kind of salesman who was able to sell sand to Bedouins. Indeed, once he succeeded, a typical Bedouin he might have sold it to would curse himself the next day for his stupidity. Said bedouin could not return his sand for a refund, since he would never be able to prove that the sand he purcahsed was any different from the sand in the surrounding desert. What was he thinking?

Supply-Side Jesus also sold clay and limestone to build houses that were not much different from the clay and limestone which littered the landscape in those days. Jesus of Nazareth would also buy twigs and branches to make the walls and thatched roofs of the houses in his contractual territory, which covered a sprawling Jerusalem suburb known as Bethlehem. (more...)

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Speed Racer (rw) | Temporal paradox (rw) | UnBooks:Suffer the Little Children | She Blinded Me with Science | New meat from the writing competition: Supply-side Jesus | NBC | ENIAC | Raphael | Horace | Renewable energy | One Thousand and One Nights | Rembrandt | Relationships (images) | Hydrocarbon | Supply-side Jesus | Randy Travis | Wind (rw) | Charlie Hebdo | Christchurch (Dorset) | Invasive species (rw) | Horace Greeley | The Jackson 5 | The Cosby Show | Ido | Galla Placidia | Barf (rw) | Nirvana | Gensokyo | CHU | Star Trek: Enterprise | Rough Gay Wolf Sex (rw) | Darth Vader (rw)


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Sauron is Lord of the Dance.

edit Welcome to Uncyclopedia, the free encyclopedia of politically incorrect non-information.

Uncyclopedia is an encyclopedia full of misinformation and utter lies. It's sort of like Congress or Parliament. Unlike Congress or Parliament, however, we do have a sense of humor. Nonetheless, this one of the only factual pages, before everything turns into a puddle of utter confusion and disarray. Savor it. And for the love of Sophia, we know you like disarray, but stop adding confusion to this page to spite the disclaimer.

Uncyclopedia is a Wiki, and it allows you to contribute articles of your own. Before writing for Uncyclopedia, please read the How To page to learn how to properly format text in an article. Please also read the funny guidelines. If you are interested in flaming and trolling here at Uncyclopedia, please read the rules of battle first. Flamewars are encouraged as long as they follow the rules.

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Note: {{MonthlyAwards}} is currently not closing properly and mess up the table, so it has been removed from the list. Please re-add: {{tplist|MonthlyAwards|1||2||3||c=Displays the current featured writer}} between the topics and sisterprojects/lanugages templates when it is fixed.

edit This day in history/anniversary templates

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Inserts title+events for one specified day's date inline. Used on pages for individual months.
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January - February - March - April - May - June - July - August - September - October - November - December

Please browse to find an anniversary, then give it a damn good editing.
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