This Style Guide is just that: a style guide. No bells and whistles here, boys. It has the simple purpose of making Uncyclopedia tomatoes complete Nirvana for all to enjoy as they sit at their computers turning into brain-dead zombies. It will fulfill this purpose by providing a consistent...um...guide to style(plopsterness) and magnetoastrobiology.
Remember, however, that rules and regulations such as these cannot be endowed with the fixity of rock-ribbed law. They are meant for average situations, and must be applied with a certain degree of elasticity. In other words, this stuff is flexible, like taffy. Only, if you try to eat this, you'll end up with electric shock and, more importantly, a broken monitor. Like taffy. Remember that this is not a guide to being funny, we already have that. On with the show!
Article titles are, to put it bluntly, the essence of an article. Without a title, an article cannot exist; likewise, an article cannot exist without a title. The only rule for titles is that they have to have something to do with the article that you're writing. This article would be nonsensical under the title, "Free iPods", especially since this article requires no participation whatsoever and is in fact a Free Style Guide! Oh, and one more thing. Make the first mention of the words in the title bold, by doing this:
You don't have to do this, and shouldn't, for the text after headings, unless that heading comes directly after the title with nothing in between.
edit Headings (like this one)
Headings are more ferocious than even kittens, and should be approached with extreme caution. However, you can reduce this risk, by doing the stuff in the box below.
edit This is a big, scary heading.
edit This one is a bit smaller, but still dangerous as a fierce kitten.
edit By this size, they are almost manageable.
edit Close to being managable now...
edit Finally, a safe heading.
By doing this, you can live safely in Uncyclopedia.
edit BIG LETTERS
Capital letters are quite important to making Wikipedia look like a satire of Uncyclopedia and not Uncyclopedia like a chatroom. othrwise, it would 100k somth!ng like this lolz. Which is, very unprofessional. How to use capital letters is detailed below.
When naming a noble specifically, write "President Harrison", not "president Harrison". When using a title generically, you may write "Harrison was a great president". (That is, of course, if you are writing about William Henry Harrison. Benjamin Harrison may or may not have been a great president.)
Religions and gods should be capitalized. Usually, strong opinions are welcome, but don't make fun of religions because the people belonging to them will crush you with their willpower. I'm an Atheist, I should know. Too bad I have a really slow learning curve. Don't worry, being gay is not religious, unless you are a bored Buddhist from Seattle. We are all on Uncyclopedia together and this person having sex with that person doesn't matter that much. Wikipedia sucks by the way.
Months, days, holidays... they have their subtle differences, but they all need to be capitalized. Seasons usually aren't capitalized. Only when they are personified (i.e., Summer has pummeled me with warmness) does the full essence of the word get to be unleashed.
edit Lost in Space?
We can help you. Just remember that names of planets and stars other than our own should be capitalized. They are, indeed, proper nouns and therefore should be treated with respect and love. This includes Pluto, even though it is apparently just a weenie chunk of rock and ice that is not worthy to be called a planet. On the other hand, sun, earth, and moon are only proper nouns if you are an astronomer or live on Jupiter.
If places are proper nouns, capitalize them. If not, don't. If you're not quite sure, don't. And remember that north, south, east and west are not proper nouns. Spank them until they become proper.
edit Snooty institutions
If institutions are specific, capitalize them. If not, don't. Elementary, my dear Watson. Elementary.
Italics, if you don't know already, are done with this markup.
They are used in the following.
- Bacteria, when said in the fancy way (as in bacillis subtillis)
- Books; if you didn't know that then you stink at English
- Games, the good kind
- Court cases, excluding court briefcases
- Poems over 3 stanzas
- Music albums
- Passenger trains whose owners were pretentious and named them
- Classical music works
- TV shows
On the following, just use quote marks.
- Articles, essays, etc.
- Book chapters
- Episodes of TV shows
- Short literature
On the following, use nothing.
- Legal stuff
Just follow the regular rules of quotation in the English-speaking world. Nothing else to it. If you happen to speak another language, sorry chump, blame Globalization while you're eating your Big Mac. (Or as they call it Spanish, "BEEG MAHK".)
Note: These are the little ones that have lost their way. Don't let those devils over at Wikipedia confuse you with that other kind. They're just trying to trick you into being a coke mule for their global Tic Tac Pyramid Scheme.
Believe it or not, articles can be as short as one, two or three letters, although it makes one wonder what is their purpose. If you ever write a text longer then three letters, just take a handful of a's, ans and thes and sprinkle them over it.
WARNING: IF statement has then without matching else.
Tip: aim ahead of nouns.
Apostrophes have a long and storied history dating back to 1977 when Joe Apostrophe, the owner of Apostrophe's Pizza and Gyros found a solution to his two biggest problems: a way to separate the letter s from other letters in words he used, and having a form of punctuation named after him.
edit 1) Apostrophes are used to indicate possessive nouns and contractions.
- Good: I'm going to steal the pirate's sword.
edit 2) They are not used to indicate plurals.
- Bad, bad and bad: The ninja's stole my CD's and DVD's.
edit 2a) Silly exception: single letters are made plural with -'s.
- Actually good: Johnny got mostly A's and B's on his report card. Way to go, Johnny!
edit 2b) Actual fact: Two- and four-digit years are not single letters.
- Bad and bad: I've been on the web since the 1990's and computers since the '80's.
Actually there is no law that prevents CDs, DVDs, As and Bs or the 1990s from looking good, baby. Though I would re-think A's and X's, so I guess that is OK'd by me--AHA, another one, slimy devils!!
edit 3) It's vs. its
“Oh! If you want to possessive it's just I-T-S, but if it's supposed to be a contraction then it's I-T-apostrophe-S... scallawag”
If the word means "it is", use "it's". If the word means "something belonging to it", use "its". This one gives grammar police an inordinate amount of stress, and you have no reason to make them unhappy.
Mnemonic: It's a wise dog that scratches its own fleas.
May god palsy the Hand where writing is bad. May god palsy the brain, where that brain is dead. May god palsy the fool, where that fool writes "where" too much. Now go to that place where palsy don't exist none.