It started in 1892 when Jeff Wilde decided to go to Idaho to trade potatoes. You see, Jeff and Oscar were brother and brother and never really got along. While "Jeff" wanted to go into trading, Oscar wanted to be a Playwright, novelist, musician, poet, philanthropist, historian and short story writer, He would occasionaly mock Jeff with his Pimp Cane, Hat and Looks. Therefore making Jeff look inferior.
Anyways, Back to the main story. Jeff was going to head to Idaho to trade potatoes. Jeff then said a distasteful goodbye to his older but more popular brother Oscar Wilde and headed off to Idaho in a steamboat. Once he got there, He had saw the amazement that had behold his eyes, A potato trading bonanza with potatos being juggled, potatoes being bought and potatoes being eaten. "The american dream!" he thought!, He had finally found it. Luckily for him he already had a Potato Farm he owned in Idaho so he set up shop. Then he proceded to what he did best. Sell potatoes, make friends and maintain the illusion of quality by selling them at a high price.
Unfortunally, The good times would not last as when the 30's came around, Potatoes became cheaper and more widespread therefore making Potato Trading obsolete in many ways, As potatos were becoming increasing popular for what else can be done to them. (except mash them into mash potatoes) The popular trend of decreasing potatoprices and increasing potatoavaliability was made possible by one guy. Unfortunally his reign was cut shout as Jeff Wilde threw a potato at his head. It was later found that the potato had actually killed him as he was struck with head trama, Jeff Wilde was now wanted in Idaho and had to pack up and move somewhere in order to keep going.
In late 1936, He packed up his bags and moved his operations to Norway. This would be here that he would truely make history. He then set up a store's HQ that would expand into something more. He thought up a name, "Surely something that would make the world tremble." He said, and that's when it hit him. The name, he decided to call it The Uncyclopedia Store. Why would he call it that? Because he thought it stood for independatism, fuedalism, inhorerism and a great way of spelling out their Norwiegn Roots. He started with a few items he had, (A potato shirt with characters and the word Uncyclopedia at the bottom, A mug with a logo that said No Redeeming Value and a T-Shirt with a Construction Cone on it.) This is what he would try to sell. He first opened up his first shop in New York City and guessed what, They sold! a little... Overtime his items would continue to grow and grow until hundreds of items were being made.
The Uncyclopedia Store would be the leader of women's rights and negro rights, As they sold T-Shirts that told Woman that they are just as strong as the men are and that we as a race are one, and that negro's have rights too. These shirts helped unified and strenghten both the ladys and the negros and therefore change the world as a one forever, Due to the overwhelming power of supporters with these hilarious and slightly mocking T-Shirts.
Time advances, Technology gets advancer and stores get smaller and in 1982, Jeff Wilde came up with the perfect invention. He showed in his hand a Potato that had symbols and puzzle pieces. He then put it up to his face and complimented it, This caused the execs to be completly confused and well they decided to put The UncyclopediaPotato on the market. Never since has an object caused this much mayhem as people bought it, complimented it, judged it, and even cared for it. The New York Times had called this the best thing ever, So much that it coincided with the release of another great fad. The Pet Rock, The other truely useless thing since that potato. Anyways the heat got so intense that they selted it out in a Norewign Alley in the Streets of Norway. No one won because no one was skilled anyway, During the end of the 80's. People Realized that The Pet Rock was completly useless and unnecessary and tossed them away. It was revealed that Jeff Wilde did make slightly more money.
Cut to 15 years later. Jeff Wilde decided to finally retire and head to his expensive one million dollar retreit in the Bahammas. While Jeff pondered the thought of retirement, He still needed a sucessor. Before he did that. Some company called Uncyclomedia came in and scopped up his busness for about $14,000,000,000. They said thet they were going to use the store to sell merchendise for the similarly but not identicly named Uncyclopedia, The latter would go on to be the driving force of our generation. When Wilde was loosing all hope, some company named Aperture Science decided to build a GLaDOS-M unit as his sucessor. He immediately aggred and then took his private jet to the Bahammas, He would never be heard from again. Over the years, The number of employeees has declined significantly. Though a number of them are still employed it is ridely rumored that GLaDOS-M unleashed the deadly neurotoxin on them. Recent reports disprove this as paychecks with the employees names have been sent to the Bahammas, Locations and the increase of people in the Bahammas also contribute to this. Aperture Science has not fix the bug or ever will as all of it's staff is currently dead unavaliable. Whereever The Uncyclopedia Store's Future takes them, It promises to be bleak.
Uncyclopedia, NRV, ICU, UnNews, Dead Snigger Storage, Grue, Sexual Predator, Poop Cuisine, Oscar Wilde, Canned Quotes and Sockpuppet are all trademarks of their respective holders.
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Uncyclopedia Store version 2.4
If you want to order by phone, please dial 1-800-THE-UNCYCLOPEDIA-STORE and provide your name, address, credit card info and social security number.